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"As a heart attack," I replied.
"Well, what did Reagan say? I mean, you have to have options, right?"
"She outlined out my options for me. Not going to lie, they all suck ass. Not willing to just throw the kid directly into the foster system. Reagan said she's going to try to find another relative who might be a better fit for childcare, but in the meantime, looks like I'm a temporary daddy," I explained.
I could hear Brian's woosh of breath as he sighed. "Wow, dude, that's a lot. Is there anything I can do to help?"
"You know anything about raising kids?" I asked hopefully.
He let out a groan, then laughed. "Afraid not. Only child here, as you know. Look online, it has a lot of answers. Surely, it can guide you."
I rolled my eyes, knowing how to stupid this statement was. It was probably a good thing Brian didn't have kids yet. "Yeah, thanks, man, but afraid that might lead me into a black hole of craziness."
"Probably. But listen, I do want to help, if nothing else than at least moral support. So, just let me know what you need from me, okay?" he offered.
"Yeah, I'll do that…"
I hung up the phone, my anxiety eased for all five seconds before it started ramping up again. For the second time in six months, I detested how alone I was. It used to be something I reveled in, but ever since my night with Reagan, I had been feeling more and more of a gnawing ache, noticing just how quiet my apartment was when I came home.
Maybe I was just going through that phase in life. I'd spent the last several years with my head down, building up my practice, and taking care of people. Maybe I was just going through that biological yearning to have somebody close?
And yet, knowing that this huge event in my life was about to take place just made that feeling strike again. It was nice to hear Brian's voice and know that he was there for me, but I couldn't help but ask myself: what could he really do for me? I was on my own.
I glanced down at the Christmas card again. "I bet that's what Wolfgang is feeling right about now, too," I muttered to myself. That poor child was on his own in world, and for some strange reason, his mother decided that I would be the person to make sure he wasn't alone for long.
No, I couldn't even begin to understand the reasoning behind Ronnie and Henry's decision, but it appeared that, for the time being, Wolfgang would be mine. I was determined that I would do my very best for him. I just had no clue what that meant in terms of taking care of a child.
I trudged to my refrigerator to rustle up some breakfast, and Reagan's business card caught my eye.
She did say if I needed anything to just call her. I snatched up the card and pulled out my phone and was about to dial. As I read the numbers before me, though, something made me stop.
Last night had been an anomaly. Reagan had come here to deliver life-changing news, and I knew deep inside that was the only reason I kept my hands to myself. But how many more times would I be able to do that with her close by? Because even after she left last night, when I was trying to get my mind to calm down from the incessant churning and agonizing it was doing over this boy, the only safe place it found was to turn its attention towards Reagan. I replayed all of our time together, not just the sexy times we spent together either, but all of the bickering and arguing we did when she was still with Brian.
I had missed those times. Hadn't realized how much I looked forward to it when they were still a regular occurrence.
I shook my head and put the card back beneath the magnets. "Come on, Rollins, get your shit together. We have a huge day ahead of us."
***
All of my appointments for the day had been canceled and rescheduled with my apologies to the patients. I managed to get a buddy of mine to go into the office and look at the more urgent cases. Now, I was looking in the mirror. I'd changed clothes at least three times. I knew I needed to look professional because it is a will reading, but it was also the first time I was meeting Wolfgang. I didn't want to look like some stiff in a suit. He'd probably had enough of that at his parents' funeral.
Finally, I settled on slacks, a blazer, and a button-down shirt with a tie that had little lights on it that lit up into palm trees. The administrative assistant at my office got it for me last Christmas as a gag gift, but I was hoping that it would let Wolfgang know that I was a fun guy.
"Oh, God, not look like one of those lame Dads," I muttered to myself as I paced in the front foyer of the law offices of Tate and Foster. I'd gotten there particularly early, and the secretary at the front was watching me nervously as I paced back and forth.
I gave her a small smile and a little wave. She furrowed her brow and looked back at her computer. I stuck my tongue out at her, but she didn't see it. "No big deal, just a grown man, talking to himself," I muttered to myself as I continued to wear a hole in the luxurious carpet that they had in their waiting area. "I'm doing it again."
Finally, a little before nine-thirty, a young woman with intricate braids in her hair came towards me with a warm smile. "Dr. Rollins?"
"Yeah, that's me," I said a little too loudly.
Her smile widened. "My name Is Cheri. We're about to start the reading, if you would just follow me this way."
"Right, right behind you. Is Wolfgang already here?"
"He is actually, he arrived just a little while ago. He's waiting in Miss Miles's office," she assured me.
I nodded like that made sense. "That's good, at least he's with somebody I know and trust," I blathered and wondered where the hell it came from.
