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Love is a horse that never made it out of the gate
Love is a gift given in anger and despair
A life spent broken, gasping for air
Love is bitter, beautiful, senseless desire
To be loved is an addiction, a heartache, a liar.
My want
My need
My ever desire.”
I stare at Lachlan, tears pricking my eyes as his soft Scottish voice rolls into my soul with a sigh. Minutes, hours or days pass. We stare at each other as I fall into him.
“That’s beautiful.” My voice wobbles. “And sad, and so lonely, filled with bitterness and yearning. Christ.” I wipe a tear from the corner of my eye. “Who wrote that? That’s a sad way to look at love.”
“I did.” He stuffs his hands in his pockets.
Oh.
Oh.
I step toward him. Magnets drawn to each other. My hands try to grasp his. “That’s what you think of love?”
His face completely closes off, like he’s told me a state secret. He steps back and starts pacing.
Wait! What happened?
No. no, no. You are not shutting down on me.
“You’re a confident woman. You’ll go far up your company’s ladder.” His voice is stiff, indifferent.
Wait. What? My head is spinning. “Why are you talking about my career? You just shared a piece of your soul with me.” I pause, my throat thickening. “And it was beautiful, Lachlan.” He doesn’t meet my eyes. Panic seizes my heart. I clutch his hand. “I mean it’s kind of fucked up, but lovely. You should be proud.” I huff out a breath. “I’m proud of you and I’ve just met you.”
A deep soul, this one. A deep, troubled, beautiful soul.
I will psychoanalyze the shit out of his words when I’m not about to fall asleep standing up.
I grab his hand when he paces again.
“You’re so confident.” Beautiful blue eyes assess mine.
I worry my nail polish. “I’ve learned to be confident. My company has more men than women, so I’ve fought hard for every crumb. It can be the old boys’ club, and to get noticed is why I’ve worked twice as hard as my colleagues.” More worrying of my nail polish. “All I’ve wanted was a place I can call home. Surrounded by family who love me and who I love. I’ve worked hard for this promotion and am proud of myself.”
The air around us stills as he studies me. The light casts a golden glow against his tightly muscled skin. Copper and gold thread through his hair. His intense sapphire eyes bore into mine like a laser. I can’t look away, I’m entrapped.
“What about love?”
I exhale, refusing to let the shovel of my past failed relationships dig into my heart. “I’d love to fall in love. Really in love. Have a man look at me with love in his eyes when we’re trying to ride each other like cowboys at ninety-seven, with heating pads, of course, but I don’t think that’s in my future.” I try for a full-wattage smile but get the wobbles.
Not now.
Tears gather in my eyes that I suck back.
His brows draw in. “Why isn’t being in love in your future?”
