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She gave an incoherent cry.
“I can’t be what you need me to be, and you can’t settleforless,”hesaid.“Youshouldn’tsettleforless. You’re too splendid to settle for less, and part of me is glad you’ve finally learned that.” A wry smile was pasted awkwardly on his face. “Part of me is very not glad too. But I can’t protect you, not even from me.”
“Protection, is that what this is about?”
“I can't even keep a puppy safe from a horse.”
“The women in my family don’t — ”
“The other women in your family don’t leave their men.” He touched his finger to her lips to shush her. “You’re unique, in this and so many other ways.”
He pressed her back on the bed. “Hold still. If you can. I want you to do nothing. Just feel. This is for you. I want this for you.”
Hestartedathermouthagain,asthoughitwanted to pull him in and never let him go. He nibbled his way to her ear, and she sobbed. The jolt of ecstasy shot straight from the pleasure center of her ear to her groin. He moved down her body and knelt between her legs.
“No, I can’t!”
“Yes, you can.”
She heard more words, her own incoherent ones struggling to form in her mind through the purely physical pleasure: “How will I ever live without this? How will I ever live without you?”
Slowly, he settled his mouth on her mons. She couldn’t stay still. She arched high into his mouth, her body begging for more, just a little more pressure, there, ahhhhh, there. Yes! Her breath wuthered in her throat. She needed his mouth and his tongue touching her, as she needed breath. Words melted away in the cauldron of passion, but a mindless thought remained. She needed him. And she could not have him.
Despair washed over her, even as she reached a violent climax that shook her to her core.
An eon later, Mary slipped out of bed, dressed and stopped in the doorway. Van still slept heavily. He’d never before rolled over and gone to sleep after they made love.
He snored softly. Her lips twitched in the shadow of a fond smile as tears gathered in her eyes. He’d neverbeforesnoredsoftly,either.Ithadbeensilence or rattling the windows, and thankfully it had been more the first than the second.
Today? Methinks the man might be faking it. Her smile faded further, and tears spilled down her cheeks. He was trying to let her leave without making her say goodbye. That was Van all over. A good man. A kind and considerate man. A dear man. But also a man who walled everyone out of his life, including lovers and dogs who depended on him and couldn’t protect themselves from him.
Why? Damn him. Why?
Mary didn’t register that Guinevere had padded over until the dog maneuvered her massive head under Mary’s hand, leaving it resting on Guinevere’s collar. The contact was comforting. The Saint Bernard nudged Mary’s leg with her nose, saying, “I know, hon, my heart’s broken too, but it’s time to go.”
Mary laughed, but it came out broken. She stroked Guinevere’s forehead and knuckled a spot beneath her ear in the caress the dog loved. “I guess you’re right.”
Guinevere led Mary down the stairs.
Lancelot joined them at the bottom, herding the young ones, muttering deep in his throat whenever they showed signs of not staying together. He and Guinevere touched noses, saying volumes, and he reached up to give Mary’s hand a delicate, comforting lick.
Guinevere scooched the puppies and Mary toward thedoor.Lancelottookonelast,lingeringlookupthe stairs. He followed his family out.
Chapter Forty-One
Nobody Knows Best
M
ARY USUALLY FOUND ITcomforting to sit back in her mother’s backyard. Comfort, however, was nowhere to be found since she’d left Van three days ago. She couldn’t eat. She couldn’t sleep. She could mourn. That was it.
Her mother gave Mary a soft pat on the shoulder.
“Mom,” Mary said, “I don’t know how he could do it.”
“You’re taking it hard, honey. Are you sure you need to toss him out of your life entirely?”
Pepe started to dig up one of her mother’s rose bushes, and Mary leaped to her feet. She didn’t want to answer her mother’s question anyway. Of course she wasn’t sure. Who could be sure she was right when she ditched the love of her life?
