AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She sat curled in the seat and stared through the dark windshield. When I’d told her everything, I let her sit silently for several minutes and process.
She took a shaky breath.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“I’m fine,” I said quickly. “I’m just sorry you had to grow up the way you did. I’m sorry I never saw who Edwin was and I’m fucking sorry I ever defended him to you when he put a fucking gun to your head. I never saw myself as particularly gullible, but I guess I was wrong.”
“This isn’t you fault.”
“It is—”
She shifted, turned to face me. Her eyes simmered, dark and full of unexpected energy.
“No, don’t fucking say that,” she said. “I lived with him and I never imagined he was that manipulative. I thought he was just cold and fucked up. It’s not either of our faults that he was an evil person.”
“Clara—”
She brushed her fingertips over my arm, silencing me.
“I don’t want to dwell on this, Merrick,” she said hoarsely. “This spring has been so good, the best few months of my life. Even with everything that happened with Osian. It felt like a dream and I keep waking up at night wondering when it’s going to have to end. But…when you said you wanted to marry me, it hit me.”
Her fists were clenched in her lap. I waited for a beat. It was so hard to get her to open herself up to me and I didn’t want to scare her off.
“What hit you?”
“That it’s not a dream. That if I just choose this life I get to be happy and I get to be your wife.”
She started crying, hiccuping, trying to keep it in. I put my hand on her thigh and gripped her gently.
“I want to look back in thirty years and realize I really lived. Without all the coldness and guilt I grew up in. I want to take pictures of us outside our stupid white picket fence house and in our topless car. I want to realize that I have something good and not waste a single second of it.”
There was a long silence and I cleared my throat.
“I’ll give you that,” I said. “I’ll give you everything.”
“Do you think it’s stupid?”
I threaded my fingers through hers and brought her knuckles to my lips. Her mouth curved in a watery smile.
“Never. I think you are a woman who knows exactly what she wants,” I said. “And that’s why I love you, cariad.”
There was a long silence as we drove through the darkness. Her fingers twisted tightly in mine, almost painfully.
“Make me a deal,” I said.
“Okay,” she said hesitantly.
“Start seeing Gretchen once a week for at least six months,” I said firmly. “I don’t want all this…shit to just sit in your head and get worse and then erupt later. You need to deal with it now, but you can do it at your pace with a therapist.”
I expected her to balk at the prospect, but she nodded.
“I think that would be good. I…I think I’m ready to start talking about it.”
“Thank you,” I said. “That means a lot to me. There’s one more thing.”
She gave a little sigh. “What is it?”
“Do you want me to look for your mother?”
