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I jerked my head up. “At the auction, Caden pulled me aside and he told me not to hurt you. I remember thinking he was so protective of you and I thought it was weird because he’s such an…asshole most of the time.”
Merrick’s brow rose. “He can be.”
My feet ached as I paced back and forth, my knuckles raw from rubbing them with my thumb.
“Baby,” Merrick said softly.
I paused, looking up.
“Don’t chew your mouth.”
I hadn’t realized I was, or that blood had blossomed on my tongue.
“It’s fine,” I whispered.
“Was that all he said?”
I shook my head, resuming my pacing. “He wanted us to get together, he said it was the happiest he’d ever seen you.”
A ghost of a smile moved over Merrick’s face. “He’s always been very supportive of us being together.”
“Does he blame you?”
“Blame me?”
“For not being there.”
A flicker of pain moved through his eyes. “No, thank God. It was his mother who deliberately kept us apart, not me. And as soon as I learned about him, I brought him here and he started training to join the organization.”
“So…so he’s not a magician?”
Merrick laughed. “No, he’s just a very talented asshole with a massive chip on his shoulder about being my son.”
“But if he doesn’t blame you…why does he care?”
“He wants to be his own man,” said Merrick.
Some of the shock was wearing off and I was left feeling numb, but relieved. This wasn’t that bad, we could work with it. Of course, it would definitely be an adjustment.
“That feels weird,” I said. “Caden is older than me.”
“I had him very young,” Merrick said. “My pull out game was a lot weaker then.”
“Did you know his mother well at the time?”
“She was a friend of a friend,” he said. “We hooked up a handful of times and then she disappeared and I never thought anything of it.”
He was less jittery, but now he was looking at me like a lost puppy. Like he’d do anything for me to assure him that everything was fine. I swallowed back the whirlwind of emotions still raging in me and went to him, sliding my arms around his waist.
“I’m sure it’s very hard for you to keep this a secret,” I said.
“I have to,” he said, fingers ghosting through my hair. “He deserves privacy if that’s what he really wants. But the main reason I told you is because…well, I don’t think I want anymore children.”
There was a short silence and, to my surprise, a wave of the most intense relief washed over my body.
“I don’t know if I want to have children anymore,” I said quietly.
His eyes darted to mine. “Why?”
