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The first time he’d told me he felt something for me, he’d said he adored me, not loved me.
That word meant so much more.
I’d wept for him, for the ugly stitches over his knuckles, for the realization that he wasn’t gentle with everyone. It was hard to wrap my mind around the knowledge that under the right circumstances Merrick could be far crueler than my father.
“Don’t cry for me, cariad. Your tears bring me to my knees.”
I hadn’t fled from his arms because he scared me. I’d fled because I hadn’t understood the depths of what he felt until I saw him deny his anger to put me first. Before anyone and anything.
Until I saw him split his hands open for me.
I should have listened to him when he told me what he felt. He hadn’t said he loved me.
He’d said he adored me.
The sun came out and I finished my coffee on the porch. Then I padded upstairs to lay down and read on my phone for a while to clear my mind. In the hallway, I paused outside our shared bedroom.
Housekeeping would have washed the sheets, but I would do anything for just a hint of his scent.
I pushed open the door and my stomach clenched at the familiar sight of the big bed covered in white sheets and a comforter. This was our place, our secret corner of the world. Where he’d made love to me, where he’d called me cariad, beneath the stars.
I’d been so innocent then.
I hadn’t understood that there were so many things to be and that it would stretch me thin to choose between them.
Was I his ward? His best friend’s daughter? His lover? His friend? His future wife?
Because if I didn’t choose, I was afraid I’d be nothing at all.
CHAPTER FIFTY
MERRICK
I’d never driven so fast in my life. She’d taken the main tracker out of her car, but she’d kept her phone. It didn’t make sense, but I knew she’d been distraught.
My hands gripped the steering wheel. The stitches on my knuckles were dark, surrounded by oozing blood and water. My forearms ached.
The darkness slipped by until my headlights blurred in my vision. I stopped once for coffee and to relieve myself and kept going. She was going to the house and she would be safe, but that didn’t stop me from pursuing her as fast as possible.
Clara was not getting away from me now.
I adored her. I was ready to give her my body, my soul. I had been for a long time.
But I wouldn’t accept anything less from her. I wouldn’t have her wake up years down the road and wished she’d chosen a different path.
She had to come willingly so I never second guessed if she was in my bed by choice. She had to choose me free of the pressure of my violence, my wealth, and my age.
Otherwise, it was bullshit.
Her car was parked in the driveway and the lights were on in the house when I pulled up. I hadn’t packed anything, I’d just put my clothes on and left. The only thing I had was my phone so I could track her as I drove.
She hadn’t changed the security code. I punched it in and the door swung open. The hallway was empty and the house was quiet as I moved inside and locked the door behind me.
The back door was open. I strode through the kitchen and stepped out onto the deck and stopped short.
The hot tub was uncovered, bubbling hot and smelling of chlorine. She stood in the corner, leaning on the railing. There was a glass of red wine in her left hand, her black fingernails stark against it, and one of my cigarettes in the other.
She was completely naked.
