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He swallowed with difficulty.
“Cariad.”
I was about to say I didn’t want to marry Osian. I was about to beg him to give the bracelet back to him and refuse the rest of the jewelry. To throw away his deal with the Cardiffs.
Instead, I jerked from his arms, rolled onto my side, and threw up all the alcohol roiling in my stomach.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
MERRICK
It ended up being good that Clara was extremely hungover the next morning. After she’d evacuated about fifteen shots of liquor onto the floor, I put her in the shower and had housekeeping clean the room and change the linens.
Then I laid next to her all night and wondered why I had said that.
We both knew it already, but speaking it aloud made it worse.
Selfish, jealous thoughts crept in early in the morning as I dragged my body from the bed and went for a swim in the pool to clear my mind.
Why couldn’t she be mine?
I dove beneath the water and resurfaced at the edge of the pool. The morning was clear and the ocean was calm. Stretching on and on into infinity. It made the reasons I’d held onto for not being with her seem so small.
So insignificant.
I laid them out now, in the clarity of the ocean air and the quiet morning.
True, I was old enough to be her father and then some. But I also looked younger than I was so we weren’t visually mismatched.
There was a maturity gap. That was the part that bothered me the most. No matter what we did, we would always be at different places in our lives. I had lived half a lifetime before her and I would always have different priorities and desires.
But if we could accept that, we could overcome it.
And then there was the heavy question of children.
That was a tough one and unfortunately not something I was able to discuss with her yet.
There was the question of the loss I would take from breaking off her engagement.
It was so much fucking money, but more than that, it was all my plans for the organization for the next decade. It was the future of so many men, so many families, that depended on me.
But…Clara. She was worth all that and more.
The money wasn’t what held me back.
I felt like I was robbing her of her potential and her future. Without me, she would have a husband her own age and chance to see grandchildren someday.
Those weren’t small things.
If I refused her and broke things off between us…I was robbing her of the man she loved.
Because she did love me. I heard it in her voice, saw it in her eyes, felt it in her body when we fucked in the dark.
I got out of the pool and went to shower and change. My mind wasn’t any more tranquil than before.
Downstairs, I found Yale and Caden having breakfast on the patio. There was a spread of fruit, eggs, and coffee on the table. I took a seat near the end, ignoring their smirks, and asked the waiter for an espresso.
“Some night,” Yale drawled. “Feeling alright?”
