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“No, it’s just fucking depressing and I want to talk about something happier right now.” She rolled her eyes. “Surely you have some gossip for me? Did you really just sit around with Merrick’s aunts and do nothing all week?”
There it was, that guilt like a knife in the pit of my stomach.
“We spent a lot of time talking,” I said. “Daphne always has a lot of insightful things to say about…well, everything. Ophelia was caught up with all the house renovation so she was busy most of the time. Oh, and I went on birth control.”
Candice sat up. “What? Why?”
I wasn’t sure why I’d said it. Probably because she would notice me taking it sooner or later.
“Osian seems like he’s expecting me to have sex with him before we get married,” I said slowly. “I just…I really don’t want to get pregnant.”
That wasn’t a lie, it was just avoiding the truth.
Candice chewed her lip and wrapped her arms around her knees. She gazed at me for a long moment.
“You don’t seem very excited about Osian,” she said.
I shrugged. My throat felt tight. I took a chip from the bag but it tasted like dust on my tongue.
“He didn’t do anything to me,” I said. “He’s just…kind of a douche.”
“Have you told Merrick how you feel?”
“What would it do? We both made a deal with the Cardiff family and Merrick’s good name and business is riding on it. And…I don’t have an actual excuse. Like…he hasn’t done anything bad to me,” I said, struggling to find the words. “He just…he just…I don’t know.”
Her brows creased. “You can be honest with me. Tell me.”
I thought back over all my interactions with him, my stomach cold. “He just acts kind of entitled about my body. Like…just because I’m marrying him someday doesn’t mean he has a right to me…right?”
“No, of course not,” said Candice.
Her eyes flashed and narrowed. I could tell she was gearing up to utterly loathe Osian for the rest of her life.
“Before I went to Merrick’s aunt’s house, I told Osian I would sleep with him,” I said. “We went to the bedroom and everything was fine, but then he tried to put his hand in my panties and I freaked out. I told him no and he stopped. But he was pissed off and he started accusing me of sleeping around.”
Her lips became a thin line. “I’ll fucking kill him.”
“Candice, please, don’t.”
“Okay, fine. But you have to tell Merrick.”
“Tell him what?” I said, chewing my mouth hard. “That I agreed to fuck Osian and he stopped when I said to stop? That’s the thing…he hasn’t done anything that I can say clearly is wrong.”
“You can still tell Merrick he gives you a bad feeling.”
I started pacing the room, my arms crossed tightly. “No, that’s stupid. I agreed to this and I have to go through with it.”
Candice got to her feet and took me by the elbows, turning me to face her.
“Okay, deep breath,” she said.
I obeyed, inhaling and exhaling.
Her crystal blue gaze locked on mine.
“I want you to think really hard about your answer because I’m about to ask you something serious. Okay?”
I nodded. My tongue tasted like blood, but I didn’t stop chewing.
