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“Yeah, well,” Callie fumbles out her words, “I thought we were happy once too and I was wrong. I just don’t want to see him hurt someone else.”
Emily laughs at the audacity, “I’m a big girl. I’ll be fine.”
Callie chews her lip and lets out a deep breath, “I know you know what I’m talking about Emily. There is no way he hasn’t given you signs of who he really is yet. I know you see. If there is a little voice in the back of your mind, just listen to it. Be careful.”
As Emily takes in Callie’s words she feels anger crawl up her spine, “Just let us be, okay?!”
Callie’s eyes look sad, but she agrees with a soft nod of her head and walks away.
Emily immediately goes back to her phone to find two more texts have arrived during her short conversation with Callie. She angrily types back, “I love you 2. Sorry, didn’t hear my phone. Callie cornered me again. Jealous much?” and hits send.
She feels a little better knowing he will give her a pass if he thinks it was Callie’s fault. He talks all the time about how crazy she had been when they dated.
Guilt and shame pile on her, though, as she acknowledges that deep down in the back of her mind she does hear that little voice Callie speaks of. It’s reminding her of the night she asked for time with her friends and he became so angry that she thought, for just a second, that he might hit her. He had accused her of not caring about him at all. He had insisted on walking her to meet Willow to make sure she wasn’t lying about where she really was.
The memory makes tears spring to her eyes just as they had when he had lashed out. It’s in that moment that Emily reminds the little voice that he had also pointed out to her that she was lucky to have him and no one else would love her like he did. She had known deep down that he was right and she couldn’t bare the thought of being alone. Alone and unworthy.
With that, the little voice grows quiet and Emily leaves to meet her friends, wiping her tears as she goes.
Rain falls on the pavement as Emily makes the familiar drive toward her hometown. It’s funny, she thinks, how clearly this dreary and cold evening seems to match her mood. From the moment she got the phone call from Raven, she had been wiping a constant and slow trickle of tears from her eyes.
There is nothing Emily can do to avoid feeling the guilt of responsibility weighing heavily on her shoulders. She knows this whole entire mess is because of her.
No, she isn’t there now and he had eventually touched each of their lives in serious ways, but she brought him into their lives to begin with. Except for Callie. Callie had already escaped him and, thanks to Emily, she got wound up in his mess again. This time forever. No matter how you look at things, it all comes back to Emily.
This time a sob escapes her throat and the tears begin to fall heavier.
Willow.
Beautiful, smart, kind, divine Willow.
There are not many of her equal in this world, if there are any at all. She is one of those special women who found her calling at a very young age and never for one second doubted what she was put on this earth to do. Willow is the gold standard.
Emily knows if Willow does not come back, she will never forgive herself.
What a stupid girl she had been back then! To let a boy treat her the way he did and just tolerate it was beyond stupid. Why in the world had she been that way? Why had she never pulled her head out of the cloud he put her in and begged for more than he had to offer? Why did women let men like that happen to them?
Of course, that answer is simple and now that Emily has been working as a nurse for so many years she can see it. Women come into her ER with bruises on their faces and on their souls. Emily can see herself, or at least the self she used to be, in them. She sees the uncertainty, the neglect, and the lack of self-love. She can see all the things that made her, and them, perfect targets for men like him.
Those men can see girls like who she used to be from a mile away. Looking back, she knows that is exactly why he had picked her. It wasn’t because he had found her to be special. It was simply because he saw her to be vulnerable.
It’s always the broken, sad little girls that grow up to be used and abused because they don’t know they deserve better. Hell, they don’t usually know that better even exists.
Either way, the guilt in Emily’s soul will not let go. She knows that. Whether it had truly just been him at fault for the whole debacle, she knows she will never forgive herself for falling prey to him if Willow never comes back.
Willow has to come back.
She just has to.
The pelting rain has subsided and left behind an eerie mist that clings to Sam’s hair as she stands on the porch waiting for Emily’s arrival. The air seems thick with the cold moisture and Sam can feel a chill down to her bones.
It’s fitting, she thinks. The world feels as cold as him right now.
Headlights illuminate the drive as Emily pulls in. Coming to a stop, she immediately climbs from the driver’s seat to join Sam in the misty evening air. The two women run to each other and wrap themselves in a crushing embrace. It has been far too long since they have seen one another.
Breaking their hug, they load Sam’s bag into the car and climb in without a word. Words aren’t really needed and the things they both want to say are just too much to take just yet. Much of the ride continues this way, the ladies sharing space without any communication. The air is heavy with all the unspoken things between them.
Finally, Emily breaks the silence, “Well, this fucking sucks.”
