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“You said you’d hire people from the park as extras,” he says carefully. “Extras,” he repeats in case it wasn’t clear. In case she didn’t get his message.
Rest assured, buddy. We all did.
“I did,” she agrees, adjusting her body in the chair. “But I also told you that I’d get the best cast for this show, and that’s what I’m doing.”
I can feel that he wants to argue, but something holds him back. If it’s Emily’s firm stare or my scowl, I’m not sure, but I like to think I’ve played a small part in shutting him up.
Defeated, he brings his hand to scratch the back of his neck and shakes his head slightly. “Let’s get this over with, then.”
We walk to position, but whatever small amount of confidence I had gathered for being chosen has been utterly shattered by Winter’s unspoken opinions. What if he’s right? What if all I will ever be is just a park attendant? What if getting this far in the audition process was a fluke?
That familiar paralyzing fear rears its surly head inside me.
I’m immediately taken back to the countless auditions I did in college and over the past six months. To the many times I was told I wasn’t skinny enough, fat enough, white enough, brown enough—just never enough, period.
It’s a feeling I can’t easily shake off. Not after so many moments that have cemented that truth inside me.
“Ready when you are,” Emily calls from her seat, an expectant look in her face. I can almost feel the hope emanating from her. She really wants us to be it. I hold on to that, hold on to the one person in this room who seems to want my success as much as I do, and focus on the task as hand.
The scene we’re doing for the audition is the moment Melina and Winter’s character Arthur meet again after Melina’s been kidnapped. I’m supposed to come on stage running between the trees in the forest until Winter catches me, but what ends up happening is that I somehow trip on my own foot and almost fall face first on the floor.
Except Winter’s strong arms stop me midair, my body suspended inches from hitting the floor.
I feel the heat coming off his skin through the fabric of our clothes, and it’s almost enough to make me forget where I am. My chest is heaving, his arm like a safety bar pressing on my ribs, making it harder to breathe.
There are two ways I can react to what might as well be the most embarrassing way to start this audition. I can apologize and start again. Or I can play it into the scene.
That’s what I do.
I fight him off and ultimately end up on the floor, but at least I place my arms to soften the fall.
“Let go,” I cry in Melina’s terrified voice, the split-second moment forgotten. “Let go of me.”
I see the moment Winter catches on, his eyes immediately changing from annoyed to worried, his hard edges softening into Arthur’s caring expression. It’s amazing to see the transformation happening in front of me. It’s almost unbelievable how quickly he can fall into character. I hate that he’s actually good at this.
“Melina,” he says in a whisper. Fear and despair weighing the words. “Melina,” he repeats, grabbing my flailing arms to steady me. “It’s me. Please.” His voice breaks at the request. “Please stop fighting me. Look at me.”
I’m panting, channeling my character’s emotions. Princess Melina has just broken free of her kidnapper and was running through the woods toward her freedom until she ran right into Arthur’s hard body. After he failed to convince her that he wasn’t a bad guy, she’d run for her life. This scene was supposed to happen with us both standing, but now we’re on the ground. Me, trying to break free again. Him, trying to make me listen.
“Let go of me,” I repeat. “Let go!” I put into those few words all her distress. She’s terrified of being locked up again. She will do anything to keep her freedom now that she got it back.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t.” He uses his much stronger frame to pin my arms to the ground above my head, and as soon as he does that, we’re face to face. His entire body hovering over me, one of his hands holding both my arms over my head, the other one supporting his weigh.
My breath hitches.
Every time my chest expands with a short breath, I feel his hard body on top of me.
Suddenly, my panting has much less to do with my acting and much more with a reaction to the proximity. I don’t know if this was supposed to feel so… sensual. I’m pretty sure we were supposed to keep this play G-rated. But all of this feels much more like an HBO show than a family-friendly theme park production.
From this up close, I can see every strand of his long, perfectly curved lashes. I can see the way his nostrils flare subtly. I can see the soft blush that starts to creep up his neck as the intensity of his gaze locks onto me. I can see that in the midst of the deep brown of his eyes, there are sprinkles of amber dancing around, almost as if they’re reflecting fire. I realize that even though Winter’s eyes are cold and empty, Arthur’s are sweet and make me crave chocolate. And they are looking right into mine, searching.
I wonder what he’s seeing.
I wonder if he can see how affected I am by this proximity.
I wonder if he’s looking deep enough that he can reach my carefully hidden fears.
I’m scared to realize that for a second, just a second, a small part of me wishes he could. Not because it’s him, but because it’s exhausting to carry them alone.
