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"I grew up in Synd. I regret leaving every day," he murmurs.
Commenting on the little tidbits he's been dropping seems like a gamble. I'm afraid he'll stop if I ask any questions. I crave anything from the outside world, though I often don't fully understand what he's talking about.
"What's the next step?"
"Convincing you to sit on my face."
Shaking my head, I lean against him, his warmth seeping into me. "Tell me how you really feel."
"I'm starving for you, angel. But I'll shut my mouth," he says, pulling his arm from behind my back.
"What? Why?"
He pushes from the bed, then stares down at me. "I tried to give you space. Then I kept it subtle. Now I'm telling you point blank and you're brushing me off. Contrary to your belief, I can take a hint, Aelia."
Studying his face, I bite my lip. I didn't realize he would think it was him and not me. We stare at each other, both waiting for someone to break the silence pressing down on us. He nods once sharply, tucking his hands in his pockets and turning away.
"I'm scared," I whisper, panic flooding me. I roll to my knees, folding my hands together and squeezing.
He freezes, not bothering to face me. I wonder if he thinks he'll scare me off if he does. Honestly, he might.
I take a deep breath, forging onward. "You make me feel things I shouldn't."
"Shouldn't?"
"I just don't know how to do this."
He turns, watching me with a blank face. It doesn't help. How do I tell him that even though I'm well into my twenties, I don't know what it means to be in a relationship? How do I tell him I'm terrified all the time? How do I convince him I'm too broken?
So I don't.
I stare at my hands, waiting for him to walk away. Because that's what I would do in his position. I'd wash my hands of that hot mess. He's clearly more skilled, more worldly, more stable than I am.
"Rachel asked about you. Wanted to know where my bruises came from," I say.
"What did you tell her?" It's the curiosity in his voice that punches me in the chest.
"I told her you weren't like the others. She'd be able to take care of you." I gather the strength to meet his eyes, hopefully showing him I don't care, even if it'll break my heart. "You should do that instead."
He crosses his arms and widens his stance. "Instead of you."
It's a statement, but I nod anyway. "Then I can focus on the money trails. You'll be taken care of while I'm in the office."
I know he'll never let me move back to the closet. I've stopped throwing that option out there, mostly to avoid his scowls.
"What about everything I've said makes you think I would fuck another woman?"
"Because it's logical."
"Sex isn't logical, Aelia. Not to me. And I don't want anyone else. So, if that's what you're worried about, let me put your mind at ease." He leans down, bracing his hands on either side of me. "You're mine. I want you and I will continue to want you."
"But what if—"
"Only you," he says, then covers my mouth with his.
Twisting my hands into his shirt, I pull him closer. His tongue tangles with mine as if he's trying to devour me. I shudder when his fingers grip my waist, guiding me down until his body covers mine. With my knees tucked under me, I'm in an awkward position. I wiggle, trying to straighten them out without breaking our kiss.
He rips his mouth from mine, gazing down at my body. "What the hell are you doing?"
