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Nothing in my head was making the question easier so I tried to make the random thoughts go away, but it wasn’t working. Gareth even had a good reason for his question but my brain was making it worse.
“I…” I didn’t want to hide, but I wasn’t sure I could look him in the face.
Bates must’ve realized that because his arm around me tightened and he kept me pinned against his side. “Take a deep breath for me.”
As I obeyed, he nodded and kissed my head. “That’s right. Feel how I’m right there with you? I want you to imagine being tied up. Completely helpless and just listening to what to do to make me happy.”
His tight hold made it almost feel like I was restrained and it released something inside me. I liked the idea of just making him happy. Bates smiling was one of my favorite things and just as perfect as Gareth curling up with me to watch cartoons with Brady.
By the time he’d eased his embrace, I was feeling almost fuzzy-brained and I liked it. Without the panic, it was also easier to remember that my Dom needed to know what kinds of toys I liked too. “I’ve got a few. I’ve got a few small dildos. I…I think you’d like some kinds of toys, but we might have to try out different things to figure out what you’d really enjoy.”
Full fucking sentences.
I was fucking fabulous and Bates knew it too because I got another big hug and he kissed the top of my head. “You’re doing great.”
I wasn’t so sure I agreed with that but Gareth’s nod made me feel better.
Until he opened his mouth.
“I need you to answer this one really honestly and not what you think I want to hear.”
God.
“Alright.” What was I supposed to say to that?
Gareth wasn’t the type of person to get mad at me for stupid shit, but I just hoped it was a question that would be easy to answer honestly.
“My last question is…I don’t know…it feels simple to me, but…” His frown said he wasn’t sure what I’d think of it, though. “Should I ask Bates to help me look at the dildos and pups online and do it when you’re not around? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or push you to go faster than you’re comfortable with.”
Fuck.
It was a hard one.
I couldn’t resist looking to Bates for help but he shrugged and gave me a very Dom response. “It’s a reasonable question and you need to think about what you’re comfortable being pushed to talk about and what you’re not. I don’t know your limits on this yet.”
When I was silent and still overwhelmed, Gareth sighed. “I thought I did, but now I don’t know.” Gareth was mostly focused on Bates, frowning again. “I don’t know why this was so hard for him. I know it was hard. But I just don’t get it.”
Because I was throwing off all kinds of mixed signals.
“I didn’t safeword.” That probably wasn’t the right place to start, but it got nods from both of them, so I didn’t feel stupid. “I just…we don’t talk about this kind of stuff and it makes me worry that I’m going to do something wrong.”
That made me feel stupid.
But Gareth frowned again instead of rolling his eyes, so maybe it shouldn’t have?
Bates spoke first, though, deciding it was time for our Dom to take charge. He was really smart but that kind of made him a pain in the butt too. “What’s the worst thing that could happen if you tell him something that shocks him? Like you told him about the puppy thing. What if he’d have reacted differently? What’s the worst that could’ve happened?”
“That he won’t be my friend any longer.” Duh. “There are just some things you can’t come back from. What if I…I don’t know…what if I made him feel weird?”
“All of this makes me feel weird.” Gareth’s helpful response made me sigh and Bates chuckle. “We’re already past that point. But it’s fine. I don’t have any idea what strange stuff is running through your head, but if something too freaky pops out, I’ll just tell you that’s past my limit. And if I can’t tell you for whatever reason, well, that’s what we have Bates for.”
Gareth gave him a beaming smile. “I’ll tell him and he’ll tell you no. That has to be something a Dom does.”
Probably.
Bates was still grinning but he nodded. “I think that’s a very good reason to have a Dom around.”
He always had the best responses to Gareth’s logic.
