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“I don’t … I don’t even know what to say to that. I got through all these years dreaming up a life for you. That you were living with two loving parents and maybe had a sibling to play with. That you had a cat or a dog in this big backyard. That you were happy and safe. It was the only way I could get through all those years. Only to discover you spent the first eighteen years of your life in foster care and now this. I am so sorry,” she said as tears built up within her eyes. The guilt and remorse was clear throughout her whole body, and I hated seeing it, surprisingly.
I didn’t hate her. What Charlie said was true; she didn’t ask for her life to turn out the way it did. Lots of people failed her, just like I knew the system could have failed me just as easily. Part of me though, the irrational part, wanted to hate her. Wanted there to be something wrong with her so I was justified in my feelings. Only she appeared to be a genuinely good person that took every chance to better her life.
“It’s not your fault. You were a child yourself when my father came into your life. You should have been protected better by your family. You had no idea you were pregnant until you got to prison. You had no idea I wouldn’t get adopted. By all accounts I should have been. Infants go first, that’s the rule, but for some reason it didn’t happen with me. I don’t blame you for anything that happened to me.”
Lots of people would have. I knew plenty of kids in the system that hated their parents for whatever they did. And maybe I would have hated her and my father if I had them in my life and then I was taken from them because they couldn’t stay sober or they kept going to prison. But that wasn’t the circumstances that brought me to foster care. It was really hard to hate someone you didn’t even know.
“I wish you never had to go through any of it. That you could have had a life that you deserved.”
“Different life and it changes the end result. I’m not going to say that I am happy with everything that happened. However, if one thing was changed, I might never have met Charlie in that seedy side of the road bar. I wouldn’t be pregnant right now. I wouldn’t be madly in love and getting married. I would never have met Zoey. I might not have ever met you. As new as this is and I know we are still in the getting to know you phase, I am glad that I get to know you. Even if it all still feels surreal and overwhelming at times.”
I had played the what if game so many times growing up. And each time I came up with an even better life. This time around, I wouldn’t trade any of those sleepless nights for anything. I wouldn’t trade what I had now for all the gold in the world.
“I am really glad that I was able to find you, and I am so happy that you have been able to find happiness in your life, despite everything you went through. And if there is anything I can do to help you, I will gladly do it,” she gave me a rich smile, and I was starting to really like having her in my life.
“You know what you should do?” she began. “You should find a mommy and me group. I bet there is one in town, even as small as it is. You could start making your own friends again.”
“Yeah, that’s a great idea. I’ll have to start looking into it,” I agreed. It would be nice to have friends again, especially ones that were parents and could help with advice or for this little one to have play dates with. I was finally safe; it was time for me to start building a real life for myself again.
Charlie
“Thisseemsreallyunnecessary,”I commented as Lucas and I sat down at the bar just down the street from the hotel we were staying at.
Tomorrow I was set to get married to the most beautiful and perfect woman in the world. I didn’t need to be out at a bar or a strip club.
“It’s a bachelor party; it is completely necessary,” Lucas said, completely offended by the idea of anything else.
“Bachelor party? It’s me and you sitting in a bar in Austin. I don’t understand why we had to spend the night here. I have a home with a very hot woman who sleeps in my bed.”
“You can’t see the bride before the big day,” Lucas said with an eye roll, and I could tell he wasn’t pleased by my lack of joy at being here.
I couldn’t help it. I had gotten so used to being at home with Zoey and Maya. I liked sitting in the living room while they watched My Hero Academia. I liked watching Zoey come to life when something in her show happened, and she would talk really fast about what it could mean. At first I used to work or read, but now I couldn’t help but watch. I was even starting to remember their names. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It was a lot like Power Rangers that I watched as a kid. And it was one hell of an improvement to Sesame Street and Peppa Pig.
“Neither one of us is superstitious. Besides, that rule is stupid, especially if you live together. We’ve seen each other for a couple of months now. What is one night?”
I got that to some people it was important to keep with tradition, but Maya and I were anything but traditional. Hell, we got fake married. We have a fake marriage license. Tradition just didn’t seem vital right now.
“Would you just relax. I promise, we are just gonna chill at a bar and drink. No strippers, no lap dances. Just you and me hanging out. Besides, it lets Maya and Zoey have their anime sleepover.”
That was true. Zoey was very excited to be sleeping in the living room with Maya. We had picked them up a couple of air mattresses. Maya said they could just make a bed on the floor, but she was pregnant and did not need to be sleeping on the cold and hard floor. They were going to order pizza, make popcorn, and binge watch a bunch of My Hero Academia until they passed out. Zoey couldn’t wait and Lucas was right, they needed this one-on-one time.
“Alright, fine. But I am not getting drunk. There’s no way I am getting married with a hangover.”
“Works for me. I am too old to be drinking all night long anyways,” he said with a playful smirk. We were both too old to be drinking like twenty-one-year-olds. “How are you feeling?”
“There’s a loaded question,” I said as I took a drink.
“Have to admit, I never thought I would be throwing you a bachelor party. You’ve never wanted to be married.”
“I know. At one point even thinking about being fake married would have been enough to make my skin crawl. Now I am going to be married and have a baby. It all seems so crazy.”
I never expected for this to be happening. My grandfather would have loved to be here for this. The bastard put a stipulation in place in order for me to get this town, and it turned out to be the best thing he had ever done for me. He gave me Maya, and I knew he was laughing his ass off up in the clouds right now.
“It’s a good crazy though right? You’re happy with getting married and having a new baby?”
I could hear the concern lacing his voice, and I appreciated it, but I didn't need it. I wasn’t going to be a runaway groom. I was excited to marry Maya and to raise Zoey and our new baby together. It was sudden and to most it would seem like we were acting too soon and being irresponsible but fuck them. They didn’t know us; they didn’t know what we felt for each other. I didn’t care what people thought. All I cared about was what Maya and Zoey thought, and they both were thrilled to be married and become a family.
“I’m very happy with it. It’s surreal and not at all how I expected for my life to turn out, but that’s what makes it all the more real. I’m nervous and anxious to be getting married after everything with my parents. Not to mention going through the baby stage all over again. But I am done letting my own past and my own fears dictate how I live my life. They don’t get to define me any longer, and they sure as shit don’t get to keep me away from an amazing woman.”
