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It hurt him to tell me. I could see it all over his face. The last thing he wanted to say was that I couldn’t go home. He knew how badly I wanted to get my life back on track. That I wanted to go back to my life and future. It had devastated him to tell me that my life would never be the same again.
“You’ve been in Witness Protection ever since?” he asked, but he already knew the answer.
“A few months after I was relocated with Tony, an attack came, and he was killed. He died trying to protect me. The last thing he said was for me to run; that I was strong enough to survive. To run and not look back,” I answered as tears started to build within my eyes. Tony had been one of the first true friends I had ever had. Losing him had hurt in ways I had never expected.
Charlie’s hand moved from my knee to my back as his other took my hand in his. “I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. That you’ve had to be on your own dealing with all of this. For five years you’ve been constantly on edge, waiting for someone to show up and kill you. I can’t even imagine.”
“It hasn’t been easy. I don’t stay in one place too long. I don’t get attached to anyone. I never should have agreed to this. It’s not fair to you or to Zoey. I didn’t think this through, and I can’t put you both at risk. I need to leave and go back to living in a car and constantly on the move, so they can’t find me or anyone else. I can’t be here.”
I had been stupid to think that this was even a viable option. I had to make it right before I put him and Zoey in any further danger. I had to be on my own because I couldn’t go through losing someone else like Tony again. This was my life, and I had to face that reality.
Charlie
WhenIhadaskedher to tell me what the fuck was going on, this was not what I had been expecting. I don’t really know what it was. I thought maybe an ex-boyfriend or something. I wasn’t expecting for her to tell me she saw a hitman killing a cartel member. This had taken things to a whole other level; one I was not equipped to handle. But it wasn’t about what I could handle; it was about what she had been handling for the past five years all on her own. She didn’t need me to tell her that I was out of my depth. She didn’t need me freaking out about all of this. She needed someone to be the strong one, so she didn’t have to carry the load on her own any longer. Yes, I had no idea how to handle this, but I had Lucas, and he would know. What I did know for certain, she couldn’t leave. Not only was she pregnant with my baby, but she couldn’t keep doing this alone anymore. It had been five years; the threat against her might not even be real any longer. Anything could have changed in five years. What we needed was more information before either of us took any form of action.
“You can’t leave,” I instantly said. I knew there would be risk, especially if they were still after her. But she couldn’t leave; not pregnant and unprepared. Obviously, I couldn’t force her to be here, and if she truly wanted to leave then I would make sure she was prepared properly to do that. Leaving abruptly in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning with no car, no money, no food, no destination, that was how people got killed. She had to be prepared.
“It’s too dangerous for me to stay. I understand this will be hard to explain to people in town, and it might screw things up for the lawyer,” she started, but I cut her off before she got much further.
“Fuck the town. That’s not what this is about. You can’t just up and leave; it’s not safe for you to do. And I understand that you’ve had to do that in the past and that instinct is now ingrained into you, but you don’t have to do that this time. You’re not alone this time. And I don't just mean me and Zoey. You’re pregnant, eventually there will be a baby. You can’t be on the run with one. You gotta think long-term and smart this time around. And I am not saying you weren’t smart before, but you know you were barely hanging on. You can’t go through that again because it will kill you both. Let me help you.”
Even if she didn’t want to stay. Even if she was adamant that leaving was the best thing for everyone involved, I could ensure she had what she needed. I could ensure she had real fake IDs under a different name. I could make sure her appearance was different. I could make sure she had money, a car, a place to live. Hell, she could be in another country, far away from these guys’ reach. I had the connections to help her disappear right and not in some database that could be hacked or being monitored by corrupt agents.
“I can’t put you both at risk. I never should have agreed to do this.”
I reached up and wiped at the tears that were making their way down her cheeks. “I’m glad that you did. I’m glad that you are not out there right now with a broken-down car, stranded. And not just because you are pregnant, but because you deserve to have this life. I understand that every instinct in you is telling you to run. But I am asking, begging, you to not listen to them. My best friend is a cop; we grew up together. He’s a good man. He is Zoey’s godfather. He would never be dirty. Let me call him and have him look into the two men that you put away.
The threat against you, it might not even be real anymore. And if it is, he’ll be able to tell us, and he can help us to make sure you don’t get found. If he says the best thing is for you to disappear, then we can make sure you never have to keep running. That this would be the last time. I can set you up with a place to live and a new identity anywhere in this world. But before we make a major decision like that, we need more intel. Give me a bit of time to reach out to Lucas and then we can make a proper informed decision on the best way to handle this.”
I knew it was asking a lot of her. I knew she wanted to run because she was used to it. However, I was confident we could work this out. That there was a way for her to stay here with us and for us to be able to raise the baby together. The baby was a whole other topic, but that was something we could talk about when she had more time to process. Once I had more time to process. I never thought I would be a father again. I never really wanted children. It wasn’t that I went out of my way to avoid having children, but I never thought I would have them. When Elizabeth got pregnant, I was excited to be a father. I figured I would embrace it, because it was most likely going to be the only child I had. My grandfather had been more than excited for the both of us.
After everything with Elizabeth, I had sworn off having children. I had Zoey and didn't need another one. Especially considering how badly things ended with Elizabeth, I couldn’t go through that with someone else. Now Maya was pregnant, and there was a very real possibility that she would want to have this baby. That I was going to be a father all over again. Dealing with diaper changes, late night feedings and walking around all night long trying to get a baby to stop crying. It was going to be a huge change to having Zoey to go back to infants. It was a change I would make though because it was my child; it would be our child.
“Are you sure? I don't want to put either of you at risk.”
“I am sure. Let’s get more information first before making any big decisions. I’ll reach out to Lucas tomorrow. He’ll look into it, and we will get some answers. It’s the right move to make.”
I could see her thinking about it. Trying to fight against her instincts and doing what she knew would be best. After a moment she spoke, “Okay, I’ll wait.”
“It’s the right move to make. It’s always better to wait until you have all the intel before making a serious move like this.”
“I guess.”
She didn't sound sure at all, but that was to be expected. She had been through a great deal; it was going to take time. Even if it was safe for her to be here, she was still going to be looking over her shoulder for a long time before she started to feel safe.
“I know it’s only been a few hours since you discovered that you are pregnant, but how do you feel about it?”
I knew she was trying to process everything, and it was going to take some time for her to work her way through this and decide how she felt about being pregnant and having a baby. I knew the option of her not having it was a possibility, and it was her decision, but I was hoping that she would want to have the baby. Things would change obviously, but they could be for the better.
“I don’t know. When all of this started I had tried to keep up with my birth control pill. It got harder when I couldn’t stay in one place for very long, plus I didn't have insurance and spending the money on the pill just seemed stupid. Before you, I hadn’t had sex in a year and a half. I always made sure to wear protection. I shouldn’t be pregnant now.”
“Apparently the universe had other plans for us. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It’s also something we don’t have to figure out tonight. It’s been a long few days; we should probably call it an early night.”
We were both in need of some sleep, and I knew she needed it more than me. I knew from Elizabeth the only way for her to get over the rolling sickness was to eat small meals and to rest as often as her body was telling her. I was gonna need to keep an eye on Maya and make sure she wasn’t overexerting herself. The first three months of any pregnancy were the most vital to ensure the baby was healthy and survived.
“Yeah, okay,” she agreed, and I could hear the exhaustion within her. It was time to call it a night, and maybe tomorrow we would be able to have a talk about the baby and we could figure out what we wanted to do.
Maya
