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I don’t need pills, I need solitude. Peace will come eventually, until then, I will take each day, each moment as it comes. Piece by piece. I will be grateful, I will be fully present, I will be myself, whichever version of me decides to wake up that day. Sometimes he is complacent, sometimes he is angry, sometimes he wakes in the throes of a panic attack. Sometimes he is still drunk from the night before.
Sometimes he hasn’t slept at all.
Today is one of those days.
It is morning now. I am sitting on the rocking chair that I finished making last night—or was it two nights ago?—on the deck that connects to the two-room cabin that I built from the ground up.
I have watched the sun set, the rising of the moon, the awakening of the stars, and now, the rising of the sun once again. My friend, my confidant, my promise of light after the dark. It is always there, unfailing, every single morning.
Today she is exceptionally beautiful, her beams spearing like swords of fire through the mountains in the distance. The birds revel in her reappearance, welcoming her with song and dance. The wilderness around me is a symphony of sound and movement. Life. It is all around me. It is truly a beautiful morning.
I close my eyes and inhale, a rare smile catching me.
Today, I am nothing.
And for that, I am grateful.
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