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“Are you okay,dolcezza?We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I promise.”
His words are spoken so tenderly. I don’t want to let him down even if I’m terrified. I know I want this with him, but I know it will cause pain—both physically for a few minutes and possibly for my heart. My thoughts drift back to what Mandy said about when he eventually leaves. Of course, he’ll be with other girls…women. I’ll end up being a silly girl still in high school and an inconvenience to him. Then there’s tonight’s reminder of my parents’ infidelity.
I don’t answer, I simply bring his lips to mine hoping my heart won’t chicken out as I feel his finger dip under the elastic of my panties. His hand doesn’t move further down, he simply caresses my skin right above my most intimate place. My heart is pounding now. I continue to kiss him and tell myself this is all right and it’s the right time with the right person. I even grind against the bulge in his jeans. It feels so good. Almost too good.
Suddenly, a loud boom of thunder sounds and the rain starts to fall. I pull back and see Hawk’s smile turn into a worried frown. He cups my face. “Hey, it’s okay.” He starts to kiss me again, not deterred by the rain. But I pull back and grab my dress. I hurriedly throw it on as Hawk is zipping up his pants.
I jump out of the truck while Hawk’s back is turned rolling up the blanket he’d laid out and take off running. Our houses are only minutes from here. Tears mix with raindrops as my bare feet slap the wet ground. I feel humiliated that I got him so worked up to then turn around and stop it. I feel anger at my parents for cursing me with the knowledge of their affairs. I feel scared by what my sister said…that basically what my parents have is how relationships end up, and I don’t want that fate. I want love…enduring, once-in-a-lifetime love. The kind that turns you inside out, just to be the one and only thing capable of piecing you back together again. The kind which involves no outside forces.
I collapse on the front porch, heaving as I try to catch my breath while the party at my house still thumps. I can’t believe I left him there. I ran away from him in the middle of a storm after rejecting him. I finally stand and open the front door. When I do, my sister spots me first.
She has a red Solo cup in her hand that she abruptly sets on the counter. She cups her hands around her mouth and shouts, “The party is over, guys. Head out!” I tuck myself behind the door, so I’m shielded from the people exiting the house. My sister’s brow is furrowed as she keeps a worried eye on me while people shout their goodbyes ,and before you know it, the house is empty.
The screen door is shut while the front door stays open. My sister seems to have lost any animosity toward me as she moves to where I’m hugging myself. “What happened?”
“I ran away from him.” I break down and sob as she catches me in her arms. “We had such a great night. Then this twentysomething waitress all but announced in front of me and Hawk both, she’s been hooking up with Dad and wants to again. She had the nerve to give me a card with her number on it.”
“Shit, Brittney. What did you say?” she asks as she rubs my rain-soaked back.
“I didn’t say anything, I just walked off. Hawk was sweet and asked if I wanted to talk about it, but I shut him out. How can I tell him something like that? It’s so messed up!” I cry into her hair.
“Well, why are you here now, soaking wet and crying?” she asks.
I pull back and stare into my sister’s eyes. “Tonight was going to be our night, Mandy. I promised him. And we messed around, but all these thoughts kept going through my head. I wanted to; I truly did. But then I froze and ran. He’s going to hate my guts, Mandy.”
She squeezes my shoulders. “Take a long hot shower and we’ll binge our favorite movies all night. When you’ve calmed down, you can talk to him.”
I sniffle and manage a small smile. I knew my sister would be here for me in a time like this. “Okay.”
I make my way to my room, and by the time I come back out and cross the hall to the bathroom, I’m wrapped in only a towel, and my sister is nowhere to be found. But Caleb is. “Where did you come from? I thought everyone left,” I say, startled.
His heated eyes take in my lack of clothes which makes me pull the towel tighter around my frame. “Mandy called me and told me you were upset. She didn’t give me details, but I wanted to check on you before I drove all the way back home.”
“I’m fine. But thanks. Where’s Mandy?” I ask quickly.
He smiles and it’s almost wolfish. “She’s in the kitchen cleaning up the cups and pizza boxes. She said I could pop back here for a minute and check on you.”
“Well, you checked. I’m good. But I’m going to shower now, so drive safe,” I tell him.
I start to slide around him, but he puts his arm out. He glances over my head for a moment and pulls me in for a hug, making me lose my hold on my towel. It slips, but I catch it before it falls completely. Unfortunately, not before my breasts are exposed and he catches an eyeful. I push him back as I pull the towel back up and re-cover myself.
The screen door slams, and I turn to see why. “What was that?” I ask annoyed.
“Mandy was taking the trash out,” he says, still staring at my now covered chest.
“Okay, it’s time for you to leave, Caleb.”
He stares at me with an amused expression on his face. His brow is quirked up and he laughs. “Yeah, I’ll see you around.”
He gives me one final suggestive glance before striding down the hall and out the door. I stare after him again, a little bewildered by the entire scene. But I try to release all the negative emotions from the night as I lather shampoo in my hair. By the time I’m done with my shower, I’m back out of my room in a matter of minutes dressed in my favorite pajamas.
I’m about to open Mandy’s door when I see it. Hawk stands up from her bed while zipping his pants and Mandy is on her knees completely naked and her face is flushed. I bite back a sob and quickly cover my mouth as my heart shatters into a million tiny pieces I won’t ever be able to put back together.
I dash to my room as fast as I can and lock the door behind me before curling up in a ball. Sobs tear through my soul as I realize I lost the boy I’ve loved since I was little, and I lost my big sister. I won’t ever forgive her for this.
A knock sounds on my door. “Go away,” I choke out.
“Brittney, it’s me. Can you open the door?” Hawk’s voice is thick on the other side of it.
