AllFreeNovel
Share Us
"Really?" His voice held concern, but also disappointment. What were his plans for that ring? A beachside proposal? When? Today? Tonight? Yesterday, I was ecstatic at the idea. Now, I wondered if I could sneak away and catch a flight home before he caught wind of it.
"Call the front desk. See if they have a nurse or doctor on staff." I didn't lift my head, and the pillow muffled the words, but I was certain he could understand them.
"A nurse? You're that bad?" He gently touched my forehead, but fever wasn't a symptom of heartbreak.
"Hurry," I whispered. There was the rustle of sheets and the bed lightened as he moved to the desk that was set against the wall. He picked up the phone and pressed a button, then spoke with hushed words that I couldn’t hear.
"Someone will be here in a few minutes. What can I get you? Water? Aspirin?" He was moving into problem-solving mode, and maybe feigning an illness was a bad idea. Then again, at least he wasn’t dropping to one knee.
I groaned in response and pulled the blanket tighter.
I’ll give the expensive resort credit. Within a few minutes, there was a polite knock on our door, and two nurses and our butler arrived. They swept into the bedroom, all efficiency and concern, and beelined for my side. Gingerly propping myself up, I grimaced in faux pain and asked Brant to give me some privacy with the nurses.
As soon as the door closed, I quickly whipped away the blanket and stood up, pressing one finger to my lips. I moved to the closet and opened my suitcase, unzipping one of the interior pockets and withdrawing six crisp hundred-dollar bills from the cash that I'd tucked inside. I handed each of them three hundred dollars and whispered a quick explanation of my needs.
A few minutes later, they opened the bedroom door, their faces grave, and informed Brant and our butler that I needed to return home immediately. From my spot back in the bed, I heard the butler offer to arrange transportation. Brant accepted, more tips changed hands, the duo of nurses getting double-compensated, then they left. The butler started the business of packing our items while Brant knelt at the side of my bed, his face at eye-level, his hand gripping mine. I winced for good measure and tightened the curl of my body.
"I'm so sorry, love. I wish there was something I could do."
I closed my eyes, hoping he would stop. Surely the butler needed help with packing, or the plane needed to be paid for—something that could pull him away from me.
"I love you so much. If anything happens to you..." There was a break in his voice, a desperation that filled me with guilt.
I opened my eyes and saw him patting his pockets, then looking around wildly.Oh no. I pulled on his hand, drawing his attention to me. "I just want to sleep right now," I mumbled. "The nurses gave me something for the pain..."
I closed my eyes and let my hand slacken in his grip, feigning sleep. His palm shifted in mine, slipping away as he stood. His lips pressed against my forehead and then he was moving away.
The return trip was made by private jet, with no lines for security, no baggage claim. The hotel’s limo pulled into the private airport, and we were airborne fifteen minutes later. The flight attendant offered me a tan leather couch that was made up with pillows and a blanket, and I laid on my side. Brant sat at the end and pulled off my ballet flats and set my feet in his lap, his hands gentle as they rubbed my soles.
I tucked my hands under the pillow and avoided looking his way. I fought not to recoil at the touch of his hands, but I was terrified of doing anything to encourage him to pull out that ring box and ask the question I had spent months pining for. I pinched my eyes shut to avoid conversation and counted down the hours until landing.
As I pretended to sleep, I tried to remember exactly what Jillian had said.Dissociative personality disorder.That’s what she had called it, right? Or maybe it was dissociative identity disorder.Given the time and different stages of his life, he's had as many as five different personalities ...His hand on the girl’s thigh. Her smudged lip-gloss. How many women had he flirted with? How many had he slept with? All while dating me? Falling in love with me? Preparing to propose to me?
He's very good at hiding; his personalities are even better. All of the missed dates. The things I'd blamed on forgetfulness. So many times he'd left during the night… to go where? To do what?
We risk ... losing the Brant that you love ... forever.
All I wanted was to be back home. I needed my house and my solitude and the chance to figure this mess out, and to decide if there was any chance of keeping my heart together from splitting in two.
Three months later, Lee stepped up to me in that gas station store and flashed his smile. What would you have done? I had loved one side of Brant. Was it really that strange that I fell in love with another?
Chapter 63
PRESENT DAY
I don’t care what Jillian says, I have to tell Brant the truth. He's an intelligent man, the smartest I've ever known. He loves me, and Lee loves me. There should be a path, somewhere, with that intersection of emotion, that will work.
Maybe I should talk to Jillian about this, but I can’t. I’m too worried about what she would say. The orders she will shove down my throat. Orders I have no intention of following. Orders that will probably be logical and just, but I’m pressed against an electric fence, and I just can’t take the sensation a moment longer.
I know what the right thing to do is: to allow Brant to live his separate lives without interference. I understand that. But it's too late for that. I fucked up this entire situation two years ago. When I saw Lee and stepped closer. Fucked him in a parking lot and fell in love with his smile. Chased him down and wrestled his heart into submission.
I only have two options. Lose Lee or tell Brant. The first I’m too selfish to consider. The second puts Brant’s psychological well-being in danger. Again, I know what I should do. What path Jillian would scream at me, her hatred compounding with every word, and it would be completely justified.
Am I really this horrible? I think the answer is yes. I know it’s wrong, but my love is too strong to feel anything but right. I can't lose Lee. And I did—I’ve been doing all of this—out of love for Brant.
Yes, this is selfish.
Yes, I am putting Brant in danger.
