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“Naked and satisfied. Nothing on, nothing to make me feel inferior."
That opened my eyes. I turned my head and tilted it up to him. "Inferior? Why would you feel that way?"
"We live in different worlds, Lucky. Don't insult me by ignoring that fact."
I kept quiet and the soft trail of his hand over my back apologized for the tone of his voice. "But you're here now."
"Yeah. I couldn't even tell you where I've been. Everything..." He grew quiet. "Everything fades unless I'm with you."
It should have been a compliment. Instead, it felt more like a prison sentence. A statement of fact. I didn't respond.
"I wish my mom could have met you."
I forgot, for a moment, to breathe. I stayed quiet and waited to see what would follow, which path this conversation would take.
"She was so beautiful. Hair like yours—curly. Never in control. She used to chase me around the house, and it would bounce, like a third person in the room." His voice dropped, as if he had fallen asleep, and I strained for more. When he spoke again, I could barely hear him.
"I can't really remember my father. I was eight when they were killed. A drunk driver, some country-club asshole on a Sunday afternoon who ran headfirst into their car. He lived, they didn't." His touch on my back had grown hard.
"I'm so sorry, Lee.” I didn’t know what else to say, how to react to a story that I knew the truth about.
He ignored the sentiment and continued forward, like his words were bottled up and needed an escape, his voice tight and quick, each syllable dipped in anxiety. "I didn't have any other family, at least none that would take me, so I ended up in the foster care system. I had eight different homes by the time I turned eighteen. Three of the homes were okay, but the other five..." He pulled away and I rolled over, following him. I rested my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arm around his chest. Trapped him against me by winding a leg through his, until every part of my body was linked with his. It was the only way I knew to give him comfort, to make him feel safe.
He cleared his thought. “Five ... were bad. I disappeared when I turned eighteen. Got a few thousand bucks from the state and took off." His hand returned to my back, and he drew a line down my spine. "You and I ... we've lived different lives. I've never been taken care of. Have never had enough to take care of myself, much less spoil a woman like you. My entire life has been about survival. Fighting to get where I am, to get to the point where I will be good enough for someone."
I said nothing. I just laid there, wrapped in his arms, the overhead fan putting a cool breeze of air across our naked bodies. I felt the moment when he stopped waiting for a response and fell asleep, his hands going still and heavy against my body.
It was a wonderful story. Poetic in its portrayal of his life. Endearing. A perfect explanation for the creation of this tortured, confused man. It explained his desperation for love, mixed with a side of insecurity.
Too bad it was all a lie.
I laid in his arms and wondered how many women he had told it to.
Chapter 52 - Brant
In some ways we are so close to everything, to a life in which one starts and the other finishes, a joining so complete that we are one. In other ways...
We are a world apart.
Lies. Lies are what are keeping us at arms. I started this relationship with one lie, a part of my past that I had locked away and hoped she would never find out about. She started this relationship clean and innocent and has piled on the lies ever since.
I want to rid us of all of the lies, to wipe our slate clean with one confession session. But I am terrified to tell her my secret. And I am terrified to hear her tell me hers. I know them, but I don't want them spoken, don't want it to be proven true.
More than hearing the confession, I just want to know why.
Why does she cheat on me?
What do I not provide for her?
What part of me is not good enough?
If her love for me seems fierce enough to singe, why does she sneak around with a stranger?
My biggest fear is that she loves him. My biggest fear is that he has wormed his way into her heart.
I love her too much to share her and I hate him with a vengeance that turns my blood white.
I've had her followed. I met with a private investigator and had him spend a month tailing her. But she was too smart, his report revealing that she had only spent time with me. Now, I have Jillian watching her. She is relentless and will find out anything and everything about the man who holds the love of my life in his hands.
