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Maybe not tonight. Maybe I’ll wait until this funk passes and she's back to normal.I watched as she took the steps down toward the car and followed.
* * *
One hour to forever. She didn't question the helicopter or that night's unorthodox use of the car and my driver. Tucked under my arm, she looks out the helicopter's window, the rooflines of San Francisco tiny against the shoreline as the chopper moved steadily through the sky. As I followed her gaze, the reflection of the setting sun shone off the peaks of rocky waves.
"I love you," she said softly, the words coming through my headset as if she were whispering it in my ear.
My arm tightened, embracing her. She loved to be held; a part of her always hungry for the physical confirmation of our bond. "I love you too."
She tilted her chin up and met my eyes. "Forever," she said firmly.
"Forever," I repeated, leaning down and pressing a kiss against her exposed forehead. The copter shifted and I tightened my grip. "Hold on. We're landing."
Forever. It had sounded ominous on her lips.
***
Despite the wind, the helicopter set down easily on Farallon Island. We opened the door to two men in tuxedos, waiting with outstretched arms to help us out of the chopper and along the irregular ground. Layana immediately took off her heels, and her bare feet were nimble on the uneven surface, a genuine laugh spilling from her as she gripped my arm tightly and climbed over the small hill of rocks, the slick surface of my dress shoes making the journey treacherous.
Just what I needed. I could picture the headline: COUPLE STUMBLES TO UNTIMELY DEATH JUST MOMENTS BEFORE PROPOSAL. Not that there had ever been a timely death.
It was all worth it when she cleared the rocks. I heard her gasp at the sight of the small table, set on a flat rock with white linen, candles, and champagne. The table was framed by a landscape of rock and sunset-tipped waves, the sunset all purples and pinks above the jagged skyline of San Francisco.
Sitting, we accepted flutes of champagne as a small fire was lit in a pot beside the table. It was all just as I imagined, the small island was a perfect, private sanctuary for this moment.
"Wow. You went all out." She smoothed her fingers over the white linen tablecloth, staring down at it.
"All out would have coordinated a whale sighting. Their union wouldn't agree to my offer, but I'm hoping we see some tonight." I nodded to the waves. "I was told this is the spot to see them breach."
A moment of silence fell as she wrapped her coat tighter and looked out over the water. I wished for a whale, for nature to prove its support of our union with one dramatic show of grace. In my right pocket, folded and unfolded a hundred times, was my speech. I didn’t need the paper. I knew the words, had recited them perfectly this morning while shaving. I’d changed the order ten times, the wording twenty. The weight of the paper had been comforting all day, yet suddenly the speech seemed wrong. I threw away the plan and reached for her hand. "You know I love you."
Her gaze moved to our hands. "I know."
No. I needed to see her eyes. To have that connection, to read her. The Layana I knew didn't avoid eye contact and I forged on despite her meekness. "You know that I will do anything for you to make you happy."
She finally looked back up. "I know."
Standing, I moved next to her chair and knelt, pulling out the box that held our future. "I love you with every piece of my heart and vow to spend every day of the remainder of my life making you happy. Let me do that for you, Layana, and please do me the honor of spending the rest of your life as my wife." I cracked open the box, and even in the dusk, the blue diamond glimmered. I held it out, realizing—as soon as I saw her face—all of the red flags in this situation.
The flush of her cheeks.
The tremble of her lips.
Regret in her stare.
Moisture glistening in her eyes.
She closed her eyes tightly, and a lone tear dripped down her cheek. I stared at her face and felt every piece of my carefully constructed world break.
* * *
She wouldn't give me a reason. Wouldn't do anything but cry as I studied every line of her face before she covered it with her hands. She gave a stiff shake of her head, and I closed the lid, putting the ring box back into my pocket, a place that had already grown cold in the last few minutes, the scrape of my knuckles against the cashmere of my coat a sickening texture. Something was wrong. Something had happened and broken the perfection of us.
I needed to find out what has happened. This was a problem. An equation. One to be fixed. We were fixable. Nothing would change that.
I would wait however long she needed. I would fight, until the day I died, for her.
For us.
