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“Let me get this straight. You spend a week of ecstasy rolling on the sand and doing God knows what in the bedroom. Then you come home and see a college kid standing by Nicolas, and you freak out?” Cynthia rolled her eyes at me over her beet salad and unsweetened ice tea. “Surely you can do better than that to justify your angst.”
I sighed heavily. I had only picked at my club sandwich and took a few sips of raspberry tea. I found myself caught between actual fear and shame at my doubts. “Isn’t this fear kind of natural when I’ve never been in a relationship like this?”
Cynthia leaned over the table. “If you were seventeen, it would be normal.”
“Haven’t you ever been jealous of Neil?”
“Yes, I was when we were first dating.” Cynthia paused for effect. “When we were seventeen.”
I was growing defensive. “Well, I’m sure that Neil doesn’t look at other women when he’s around you. I mean, look at your curves.”
Cynthia smirked. “Well, thank you for noticing. He has a new receptionist almost every four months at the office. The majority have long, shiny hair and perky young breasts. I’m sure he glances at them, but at the end of every day, he comes home to me, and he knows what I can do for him in bed.”
I blushed. I understood Cynthia’s point, but I was still clinging to my right to be jealous of Taylor. I blurted out, “Taylor looked at his crotch.”
Cynthia rose from her seat and stepped to my side of the table. She grabbed my collar and hissed into my ear. “I look at Nicolas’ crotch, too, for fuck’s sake. Every time I see it, I’m envious of you. Damn, who wouldn’t be? If you’re going to date an attractive man, you have to get over the envy of others. Buck up and grow a spine. “
Cynthia smoothed her pale teal dress, glanced around the room, and smiled at the women at the next table. All of them were staring at us as Cynthia returned to her seat. She was rarely ruffled in public, but when it happened, she was careful to manage the impressions of others.
I asked, “Did I ever tell you about Kyle?”
Cynthia took a bite of her salad and chewed slowly while she stared into my eyes. “I don’t think I’ve heard about a Kyle before. Did you date a man named Kyle?”
In reality, Kyle was the only other man I dated for more than a month, and he wasn’t yet a man when we dated. We were in our sophomore year in college. “Yes, I did. I try to forget about him. It was back when I was in college.”
“So it was almost ten years ago?”
I poked at my plate. “Yes, it was, but all of this with Nicolas brings it all back.”
Cynthia began, “All of this? What is—“
I cut her off. “I was dating Kyle, and I fell head over heels for him.”
Cynthia listened, but the expression on her face was one of polite tolerance instead of empathic interest. I knew that I was grasping at straws, yet I continued to tell my story.
“I used part of my allotment from mother to pay for a weekend at a hotel for Kyle and me.”
Cynthia wrinkled her brow. “How old were you?”
I mumbled an answer. “I was twenty, and I faked it when I paid cash.” Cynthia sighed heavily. “We had a terrific wild weekend. I’m not sure we left the room at all. We ordered room service and shared a whirlpool tub.”
With a smirk, Cynthia dropped an editorial comment. “You are one of the most innocent men I’ve ever known when it comes to the concept of a wild weekend. Did you steal a towel?”
I scowled. “No, and that’s not the point.”
“So, what is the point?”
“The point is—two days after we returned to campus following the hotel weekend, Kyle introduced me to a new friend named Gerald.” I took a deep breath and hesitated before continuing. “And Gerald was phenomenally attractive. I took Kyle at his word that Gerald was only a friend. The three of us hung out, played video games, and ate together. I thought it was all good and innocent. I was sleeping with Kyle most nights, but then I caught the two of them in bed one day when my prof canceled our afternoon lab.”
Cynthia reached her hand across the table. “Oh, I’m sorry. That’s tough on anyone no matter when it happens.”
Taking a deep breath, I asked, “So, now do you understand why I’m nervous about Nicolas and Taylor?”
Cynthia squeezed my hand. “Sweetie, honestly, no, I think your current situation is more than a wee bit different from your college drama.”
“How so?”
