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‘When I lost that baby, I was distraught.’
‘Well, I’m glad Derek could be there to comfort you, while I also was distraught and alone.’
She looks ashamed of herself, as she should be. This woman broke me in a way that made me never want to grow up, get married, or have kids. And that used to be my dream. Besides random short-term relationships here and there, I’ve been alone ever since.
‘Again, I’m sorry,’ she says. ‘Losing that baby changed everything about me, and I figured it had done the same for you,’ she says. ‘Because of that, I know I shouldn’t have left you when you probably needed someone most, but I did, and I couldn’t exactly take it back. Everything was a mess, so I disappeared.’
Finally, she says the words I’ve needed to hear, even if it is five years too late.
‘Honestly,’ I glance at her feeling a bit defeated. ‘That’s the only part of this I’m thankful for. Next time you see me in a store or anywhere, I want you to pretend we’ve never met. Don’t ask who I’m with. Don’t stop to say hello. Just turn around and walk the other way.’
She stares at me blankly, swallowing hard. ‘Fine. But I can’t change my baby’s name, Riv. I suppose I can suggest we call him by his middle name instead, considering you did come up with Phoenix, and I did sort of steal it…’
‘If that kid’s middle name is River, Caitlin, so help me Go—’
‘His middle name is Derek, after his father. How crazy do you think I am?’
I laugh to myself. ‘Trust me; you do not want the answer to that question.’
‘I guess we’ll just go then,’ she says, opening my bedroom door but stopping in the hall and glancing back. ‘I truly do hope you find someone, Riv. You deserve to be loved.’
I say nothing. Instead, I just try not to let my heart explode again as she walks away from my room, hopefully never to be seen again.
23
RIVER
The next day I’m lying on my couch, staring at the TV, and it’s not even on. How in the hell did all this happen? It’s all I’m thinking about. But I have to stop. I’ve got to get up and do something. Anything. I wonder what Dax is doing? I’m about to reach for my phone when it buzzes on the coffee table. There’s absolutely nobody I want to talk to right now, besides Dax. It buzzes again. And again. Finally, I grab it, smiling at the name flashing across the screen as she texts me repeatedly.
Hi.
How are you?
Doing anything today?
I’m bored and need my favorite distraction.
I hope that’s not all I am for her, a distraction, because she’s all I want right now. I want to be pissed at everything that’s happened in the last twenty-four hours, but all I can think about is possibly losing her in all this. Seeing her smile might lift my mood.
Hi, pretty lady. Honestly, I’m not great and could use a distraction myself.
You’re having a crap day too? What’s wrong? Please, let me help.
You do so much for me. It’s the least I could do. I’m up for anything.
Nothing ‘wrong’, just have a meddling mother that won’t quit.
Up for anything, huh? That’s a risky invitation. Of course, in my current mood, I’ve got exactly no suggestions, which doesn’t help. But there’s got to be something we could do to get our minds off the pain we call love.
Oooh, I’m sorry. At least you know she loves you!
I have an idea. Have you ever been roller skating?
It’s like, the eighties-est thing to do.
Too much, she loves me too much. LOL
Have I ever been skating?
