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Yesterday, going with Cindy to see her ex—what a shit show. There was a point where I went for him. She stopped me—I’d let her. To say he’d messed with my head was putting it lightly. At one point I’d hoped he’d try something. I had my trusty .38 on me the entire time. Let me tell you, I was not afraid to use it.
My dad had one rule when he’d taught me to shoot. I could remember those lessons like they were being done right now.
“Kiddo, there is only one rule to shooting. If you aim this gun at anyone, you best be prepared to use it. This is not a toy. This piece of metal is the difference between here today and gone tomorrow. Do you understand?”
“Yeah, Dad, I get that.”
“Good. You only go for a gun if you feel your life is in jeopardy. If I’m not home, and someone breaks in, this will be your protection.”
“No one would break in, Dad. Everyone here knows us.”
“You can know someone and still not know them. If I’m on duty, I need to know that you can take care of an emergency.”
“If an emergency happens, I call 9-1-1.”
“You do. If there is a fire, you get out and go to a neighbor's house. If someone has broken in and you can’t get out, then you grab this gun, lock yourself in a room, and call 9-1-1. It could be that help is here in two minutes, but on busy nights, it could take upwards to ten minutes to get a patrol car here.”
“I know, Dad.”
“This may seem like overkill to you, princess, but I need this. If I’m worried about you while I’m on duty, then I can’t focus on my job. How can I pull over a speeder, or go to a convenient store hold up and stay safe—”
“Are you trying to give me nightmares now?” I asked, making a face at him.
He playfully tapped a knuckle to my chin. “No, but if you do, you’ll get it through that teenage brain of yours that this is serious.”
“This is all her fault…”
“No. Your mother and I decided this was best. She deserves to be happy. I wasn’t making her happy.”
“Eh…whatever. Can you show me so I can finish my homework?”
“Sure, princess. We will work for a bit tonight and then every couple of days ‘til I know you can handle this as well as the pens you use in school.”
I never wanted to be an angry teenager, but that was exactly who I became for a few years after my dad died. A birthday party at a local bar/restaurant turned deadly for him when my mom’s new boyfriend—who at one time was one of my dad’s best friends—and a few others got into a heated, drunken fight.
The cops were called, and my dad happened to be one of the responding officers. The altercation, from what I was told by someone who was there, had been bad. Broken bottles were being used as weapons. One man was tased; it only seemed to make him madder. It had been complete chaos. The cops were outnumbered by drunken fools.
That night ended with two men in custody and my dad, an innocent party to the mess inside, dead.
During the scuffle with his ex-best friend, he’d been picked up and tossed against the back wall of the bar. Broken glass had covered everyone in the vicinity, and it wasn’t until the bartender pulled out a pistol and shot the ceiling that things called down. It was then that they discovered my dad was still on the ground.
From the reports taken and the examiner's notes, he’d landed wrong, breaking his neck.
The only good part of this was that he’d gone quickly. There was no suffering for him. For me, well, it still hurt. Every day I relived him leaving to go to work just like he’d done every other time. I gave him a hug, kissed his cheek, and told him that I loved him.
I’d never been more grateful that my dad and I were as close as we were. I didn’t know that morning would be our final goodbye, but with the help of a therapist, I got to understand that what happened that morning was something a lot of others didn’t. There wasn’t always that closure of knowing they knew how you felt. I got to see my dad in my dreams and heard him tell me he loved me. They were the best and worst memories I had.
Pulling out my cell, I opened my messages with Nich and started typing.
Dana: I made it to work. Safe and sound. Go to bed.
Nich: I’m there. I love you. I’ll come by once I’m up again. Can you have a box of donuts ready at about 3:30pm?
Dana: They’ll cost you.
Nich: I will pay whatever you would like.
Dana: A kiss?
