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“I was thinking about building a log home for us to live in. There’s acreage, so we would be outside of the city, but the lake view is incredible.” He rubbed his chin. “I thought it might be nice to have a fresh start now that the penthouse is gone.”
“Really?” I gazed up at him. “I would love to see the property.”
“Yeah?” Holden grinned at me. “You’ll see Pierce and Sutton’s place tomorrow, then maybe we can talk about what we want in a home.” He took my hand and kissed my knuckles. “It might give us something to think about while we’re settling back in.”
“I think it will help a lot. I’m not sure what our new normal will look like.” A beat of silence hung in the air as my mind raced. “I’m definitely curious to see the DNA results with Reid. I do think he’s family, I’m just not sure if you two are first cousins, or how all of this fits together.” I searched for another towel but didn’t spot one. Opening the cabinet, I grabbed him one. “Were you able to find some clothes for me?”
“Yeah, on the bed. They’re Brynn’s, but she tends to buy new underwear and pajamas to leave at all of our houses. They still have the tags on them.” Holden appeared a little sheepish.
“I know you all are close, Holden. Don’t worry, it doesn’t bother me. I’ll be glad when she and Chance get back. It’s too early to call her, but maybe later. Do I still have a phone?” I opened the bathroom door, the steam flowing into the adjoining room.
“Sutton has it unless she turned it over to the FBI. Which, now that I think about it, she was supposed to give it to Brian. I’ll have Jace get you and Reid new ones tomorrow. Until then, you can use mine.”
“Thanks. I just want to hear my best friend’s voice.” I walked into the bedroom, then poked my head into the bathroom in time to watch Holden peel off his wet shirt. His six-pack rippled as he moved. My core clenched, longing for him to touch me, but I couldn’t. Not yet. When Holden and I were together, it was special, electric. I wanted to make sure I could handle being with him on every level. Hopefully, he would be patient with me again.
“I can get you some dry clothes,” I offered. “Where are they?”
“The guestroom. I haven’t had time to move anything over.”
“I’ll get dressed, then I’ll grab some for you.” I left him in the bathroom as I spotted a black lace thong, pink Victoria's Secret shorts, and a matching tank. Changing quickly, I realized that my nipples pushed through the soft, thin fabric of the top. My lips pursed. I couldn’t run around in front of Jace and Reid like this. I didn’t want to encourage any unwanted attention.
I joined Holden in the bathroom again. “Um, babe? We’ve got a problem …” I pointed at my nips. “I don’t want anyone to … ya know.”
Holden’s focus remained on my chest, his gaze darkening. His tongue darted across his bottom lip as he became transfixed. He looked at the wall and scrubbed his face with his hands. “When you’re in my room, find an extra T-shirt for yourself.”
“Are you marking me as yours?” I smiled, then it melted away as I touched my neck. “The necklace with the H. It’s gone isn’t it?”
Holden nodded. “Everything, babe. I’ve already filed the insurance claim, so we’ll have money to start all over with. We can rebuild our home and the club if that’s what we decide to do.” He tugged the towel around his shoulders. “For now, we need rest. We have time to figure everything out.”
“I know, and it’s not about the material things. I don’t care about that. It’s the memories we made together.” I sank my teeth into my lower lip, my mind skipping down memory lane—the first time he took me to the club and introduced me to the basement floor. How he insisted we wait to make love until I was sure of my feelings for him. This man was the exact opposite of his grandmother, aunt, and father. Holden was genuine, good, and mine.
“I get it. I guess we’ll have to make new ones, right?” He watched me while he waited for my reply.
“I want that.” I closed the gap between us, pushed up on my tiptoes, and pressed my mouth against his. “I love you, Holden Alastair.” With that, I spun around and left him standing there.
At some point, I knew I would have to push through the assault and physically be with Holden again. I refused to allow what happened to paralyze me. I reminded myself that Dan had raped me for years, but it hadn’t ever been as brutal and horrible as what I’d recently experienced. Holden had provided me the space and love to grow and heal so much after I wound up in his recycling bin. If I’d done it before, then there was no doubt that I could do it again. Anxiety coursed through me. Seeing those kids being raped and tortured, beaten … I swallowed hard. I definitely needed something positive to look forward to, so I was happy that Holden had looked at the property. The lake sounded peaceful. A place to heal. I hoped it helped because even the strong shattered into pieces, and although I was trying my best to be brave, I could feel my mind teetering on the edge of sanity.
Chapter Sixteen
The early morning rays of sunshine peeked around the blackout curtains, and I opened my eyes, expecting to wake up in my cell. My sleep-deprived brain was foggy as I attempted to sit up and recognize my surroundings. I struggled to move but realized I was pinned against the mattress. A sudden panic struck me in the temples, causing me to wince. Why couldn’t I get up?
“Babe?” Holden’s groggy voice broke through my fear. He jerked his arm off me and propped up on his elbow. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I peeked up at him and tried to hide the turmoil of emotions bubbling to life inside me. “Morning.” I offered him a smile.
“You didn’t know where you were, did you?” Holden’s cool fingertips stroked up and down my shoulder.
I looked away from him. I hated being this weak. Shattered.
“I thought I was in my cell.” My cell. The horror of my words churned in my gut, and I rolled over on my back. Once I’d fallen asleep, I hadn’t woken up again. Somewhere in my heart, I must have realized I was in Holden’s arms, safe.
“You’re here with me.” Holden kissed the tip of my nose. “I’ve missed this. You cuddled up next to me and seeing your beautiful face first thing every day. Let’s stay here forever and hide from the rest of the world. What do you think?” A sweet, lopsided grin eased across his features.
“I love the sound of that, babe. Maybe breakfast in bed, then we could binge on Netflix and snuggle.” Everything I had ever cared about had been snatched from me, but not Holden. He was here.
I sat up, the blankets dropping to my waist. Holden’s gaze traveled to my breasts, then quickly back to my eyes. Sadness enveloped me. I knew he was trying to give me space, and I loved and appreciated that, but it didn’t change the fact that I wanted to be with him. Reaching up, I placed my palm against his warm cheek. “I want you, Holden. Don’t doubt that. I’m still attracted to you. My body wants you … I … I don’t know if or when I would … if it would …”
“Hey, hey, shh …” Holden ducked his head and lifted my chin. “There’s no pressure. I’ll never push you into anything you’re not ready for.” He took my hand and brushed his lips across my knuckles.
