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“Y’all,” August says.
“Right,” Myla says. “Here I go. Muting you guys now.”
August sees her slide a hand under her shirt to turn the volume on her phone down, but she leaves the mic on. “Hey, Gabe. Sorry to bug you. But I… I just really wanted to thank you for helping us.”
August can practically hear him blushing. “Oh, it’s no big deal. Anything for you, Myles.”
“Myles?” Wes and August mutter in disgusted unison.
“I wanted to let you know… I’m so sorry about what happened between us. I was a dick. I don’t know what I was thinking. You deserved better.”
“I appreciate you saying that.”
“And, I… I know you have every right to hate me. But fuck if I don’t still think about you all the time.”
“You do?”
“Yeah… when Niko’s asleep, sometimes, I think about you. That one time, in the elevator of my dorm, you remember? I couldn’t walk straight for two days.”
“Yikes,” Wes says.
“Amateur,” Niko notes.
“And especially when I hear that song you used to like—you remember? Sometimes it comes on, and I’ll think, wow, I wonder what Gabe’s doing. I really let a good one get away.” She sighs for dramatic effect. “I missed you. I didn’t even know what you’d been doing for the past two years. You’ve been keeping yourself from me, huh?”
“I mean, honestly, it’s mostly this job. Um, yeah, and I got really into intermittent fasting. And vaping. Those are, like, my two main hobbies.”
“Those are hobbies?” Wes deadpans.
“Do I even want to know what that means?” Jane asks.
“Shh,” Niko hisses, “it’s getting good.”
“Wow,” Myla continues. “I’d love to hear all about that sometime—”
“It’s actually really interesting. I read about how Silicon Valley programmers can go for twenty, twenty-two hours straight without eating or only supplementing with a meal replacement shake. Apparently skipping meals and restricting nutrients makes time go by more slowly, so you can get more done in your day. That’s how I have time to do this job and start making a business plan for my line of JUULpods.”
“Oh my God,” August says.
“Yeah, um,” Myla stammers. “Wow. You always were so… creative. I—”
“Yeah!” Gabe says, suddenly excited. This was not the plan. “I’m close to having my first product line developed, then I’ll go into market testing. My concept is, like, savory pods. You know how you only ever see sweet ones? But what about, like, a buffalo chicken vape? Or—”
“This is transcendent,” Niko says. It sounds like he’s got a mouthful of pancake.
“She has to kill him,” Wes says. “It’s the only way.”
“—pepperoni pizza vape, bacon cheeseburger vape, you know? And for the vegetarians, there’s a whole line with bean burrito and nacho cheese and paneer tikka masala flavors—”
“I’m gonna barf,” August says.
“Anyway, I’m still looking for investors. I’m so glad you’re into the idea. It’s been hard to pitch.”
“Yeah, I guess some people have preconceived notions about, uh, what vapes should taste like? But anyway—”
“You know what? I have some samples in my car—did I tell you I got a Tesla last year? I mean technically, my dad got it, but anyway, let me go grab some and you can taste for yourself.”
“Oh, you really don’t have to do that—”
