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“Why?” I ask, curious about where she’s going with her line of thought when she doesn’t offer a response.
“Just thinking out loud. I’m sleep-talking. I don’t have to have a reason.” The light on her laptop goes black as if to say, it’s going back to sleep too. She twists in my arms and rests her cheek against my bare chest.
“Our destiny is a direct result of our decisions. I could have ignored that text, but I didn’t. I made a decision. You could have finished your assignment another way. Instead, you kissed me.”
“My mama always said, a minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. She didn’t say anything about getting saddled with a professional hockey player for the rest of my life and his constant need to have his ego stroked.” She places a soft kiss just above my heart. Her words say one thing, but her lips tell another story entirely.
“That was the best damn kiss of my life, woman. And I’m pretty sure your mama was talking about chicken and waffles, not men.” I tighten my hold on her, ready to tug her off this stool and carry her back to bed with me. Chicken and waffles would be so good right now. How long has it been?
“We need to make a decision.” She props her chin up and looks into my eyes.
My eyes have finally adjusted to the darkness. Worry lines crease her forehead, it’s tangible in the air.
“That’s for tomorrow. Tonight, I need you to come to bed with me.” I move my hands from her waist to her plump ass, and pull her off the barstool, forcing her to wrap her legs around my hips.
“I love you, Damien. I’ll never regret kissing you that night. Even if you were my big brother’s best friend.” She smirks as I carry her through the dark kitchen and back down the hallway to our bedroom.
“Admit it, you thought about kissing me before that night.”
“Some secrets are better left unsaid.”
“No need to say anything, I know the truth.”
∞∞∞
“Well, now that you’ve had a week to think about it, have you come to a decision?”
A week has passed and here we are. Again. These offices are all starting to look the same. Unfortunately, something tells me we’re going to be seeing a lot more of them.
Over the last week, we’ve laughed, and we’ve cried together, as a family. I’ve bonded with my daughter in a way that I hadn’t before.
Gia and I both turn to Astria. We made the decision as a family, but ultimately, this is her body. We’re going to let her tell him our decision.
I watch as Astria takes a deep breath. She sits tall in the chair. Her hands are clasped together tightly in her lap, but she shows no sign of fear. I’ve never met a braver child.
“I want to participate in the trial.”
Astria wants to live her life as normal as possible. She understands that a short-term sacrifice could mean a lifetime of relief. More than that, though? What really pushed her to participate in the trial, was her need to be a part of something bigger than herself. She’s selfless. She wants to be a part of change and progression. Her sacrifice could mean that others don’t have to suffer. She’s just like her mama. I’m so damn proud of her.
The doctor nods his head in understanding. That’s one thing I like about this guy. He never pushed us to allow her to participate in the clinical trial. He presented us with all of the facts and allowed us to make this decision. He’s not an arrogant ass like some of the doctors I’ve known in the past. I can respect him for that.
“That’s very brave of you, Astria. I think you might be our youngest patient. I take it you’ve all discussed this and had time to review the associated risks involved. It’s an invasive procedure, but one that I’m hoping will change your life as well as thousands of lives of others facing a similar situation to yours in the future. What you’re doing is very courageous.”
Astria smiles and seems to relax ever so slightly. I think we all take a collective breath. It feels like we’ve leaped over our first hurdle. The first of many to come.
“So, what next? Where do we go from here?” I ask, knowing that we’re mid-season and I’ll be on the road again next week. It kills me to know that I can’t be here for every step, every appointment. I know that Gia can handle it. I just don’t want her to have to.
“We’ll get Astria set up in the system for the trial, and hopefully be able to start looking for a match as early as next week.”
Next week. We’re on the road to Dallas. Two weeks on the road. Two weeks of my daughters’ life I’ll miss. That’s never felt more real than in this moment.
That’s two weeks where we could find a potential match for her. And two more weeks that this disease could possibly ravage her body even more. Who knows? Nothing feels certain anymore. I can feel myself beginning to panic. “Me, I’ll do it today. I want to be the match. What do I need to sign?”
I feel all three sets of eyes on me. I’m not making sense. Somewhere, in my logical brain, I know that, but I’ve lost my ability to apply logic and reason to my thoughts amid the panic clawing up inside of my chest. I hate this feeling of being out of control.
“It’s not that easy, Mr. Henderson.” The doctor responds calmly, despite my obvious inability to remain calm.
“What do you mean? Take my bone marrow.” I don’t even know what I’m saying.
