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Financially? Maybe.
Will I be able to sleep at night without breathing the same air as they are? Absolutely not.
Is that selfish of me? Hell yes. You know, I never considered myself a selfish man. Add that to the list of new things I find out about myself daily since those pink lines showed up on that cheap plastic drugstore test.
We’re currently referring to this as our five-year plan. It’s a working plan - fluid, if you will. We can call it whatever she wants to call it, as long as it means I get to keep my family.
We will file the paperwork in private, but we both agreed we needed to talk to our moms first…and Tyler. We were both raised to know that a certain level of respect must be maintained for family dynamics to work without creating animosity. Respect is important to us. We’ve put this off long enough, it’s time.
Hell, I’m ready to scream it from the rooftops. Sure, I was scared at first, fucking terrified. But now that I’ve had time to process, I want everyone to know that that’s my baby in there. Beneath the tiny little baby bump that’s just recently started showing on Gia’s slender frame is our daughter. Her little heart beats to a rhythm all its own. One that Gia and I created together. Ours.
The how’s and why’s of it don’t matter anymore. That’s what I tell myself every night anyway when my mind starts to wonder about things it shouldn’t. All that matters is that our baby is growing in there, and she is so loved already. Safe and loved. That’s what I’m choosing to focus on.
We arrived back in our hometown this morning. It’s Christmas break, but we only have a couple of days before I’m needed back at the rink for practice. Our parents were expecting us, just not together. Gia took two steps into the foyer of her childhood home and Mama Patterson started crying. I was still carrying her bag in from the car, I hadn’t even made it into the house.
Somehow, she already knew. Seeing Gia only confirmed it. Maybe it was mother’s intuition? Maybe it was our joint arrival throwing up red flags all over the front lawn. All I know is that by the time we got all the words out everyone in the room was crying, most especially Gia. But, Gia cries at everything lately.
They were shocked, at first. I can’t say that I blame them. If anything, their reactions were full of love and understanding that I’d hoped for but hadn’t let myself anticipate.
Jeff didn’t hit me. Mama Patterson didn’t hit me either, which was a relief because I was sure she’d throw me right out of the house for touching her daughter.
We explained everything. Well, not exactly everything, but enough. They know they’re having a granddaughter and that we’re getting married. They also know that we’re planning to finish our degrees and raise this child while we do it. They don’t know the specifics of our nonexistent romantic relationship.
Our moms were raised in a different time. I guess you could say that they’re old school. Giving them a grandchild is a blessing. Doing it out of wedlock is walking a fine line. Admitting the details of how we ended up in this situation and how we plan to parent, well…let’s just say it wouldn’t be kosher.
Then we went over to my mama’s house down the street and did it all over again. Unfortunately for me, my mama did hit me, but it didn’t hurt. I’m two for three so far.
We still have to tell Tyler. That punch might land a little harder. I’m just hoping he aims his anger at me and not Gia. I can handle the brunt of it, but if he tries to tear her down, I’m not sure I’ll be able to control my temper.
Tyler’s flight in from Chambliss arrived about thirty minutes ago. Mama Patterson and Jeff went to pick him up at the airport, but they agreed to let us be the ones to tell him the news. I want to face him in person. I’m a lot of things, but a coward isn’t one of them. Gia might be scared, but I’ve been ready and waiting for this moment.
“Wait for what exactly, Click? The longer we wait, the worse this is going to be. Not to mention, how exactly will you explain your newly acquired baby? Or our marriage?”
Gia wrings her hands together nervously. I approach her slowly, taking her hands in mine to calm her nerves.
“You’re right. We have to tell him. He’s going to hate me.” Her bottom lip trembles, and I hate that she’s so scared of the one person she should be able to count on in this situation more than anyone.
Tyler spent so much time trying to protect Gia, but, in the end, his need to guard her so vigilantly stole the relationship they should have had. The loss of their father was so much more than the loss of one single man. That’s the way death goes though, I guess.
Tyler lost his childhood, Gia lost her brother, and it’s nobody’s fault.
Life is hard, but so is death. Resilience from death for those left behind us is seemingly unattainable. It’s a fleeting hope. What is resilience if not survival? We live to die and then leave those behind us to survive. It’s depressing.
But, with death comes new life. It’s a cycle. Life continues onward with or without us.
I choose life.
∞∞∞
GIA
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying – or screaming. My hormones rock back and forth between the two, unsure of which emotion we’re feeling at the moment. Spoiler alert, the answer is probably all of the above. Mama and Jeff left to grab dinner, leaving Damien and me alone with Tyler.
I’ve barely spoken a word to him since they all arrived back from the airport. A thick layer of impending doom hangs in the air as I finally utter words to my brother that I never thought I would have to say. An admission. A confession.
Mama and Jeff agreed to let us tell him in private. Now I’m starting to think we should have kept them here for backup.
As I stand in front of Tyler and wait for his reaction, I feel like I die a thousand times. It feels like I’m on trial, awaiting sentencing for a crime I am so totally guilty of. The evidence hides beneath the flowing grey tunic I wore today.
