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And I was half tempted to chuck that bitch into the ocean. And then make up a lie about not being able to replace it right away.
But I knew I couldn’t do that.
So, I took the fucking phone call and cursed out this world in my head for all I was fucking worth.
Hitting the end button, I looked at Storm and without a word, he said, “How soon?”
“We need to be wheels up tomorrow at seventeen hundred hours. Fucking hell. I finally got Raine to agree to talk and let me explain, and once I do that, I have to fucking leave.”
“If I thought you weren’t worth it, I’d put the bullet in you now.” And that was all he said before he got up and walked away.
***
Thankfully, I had been able to concentrate in class and then I was headed home to wait for Tank.
And to my shock, he was sitting on my front porch when I pulled into the drive. A bag of takeout from my favorite Chinese place and two Styrofoam cups.
Seeing me getting out of the car, he smiled. I was up on the porch now, and then sat down beside him on my swing, “Okay, let’s talk.”
He chuckled, “Fucking adore you, Gray.”
Handing me my food, I thanked him and then started eating.
Only it wasn’t until a couple of bites in that I realized he wasn’t eating.
I watched as he took in a deep breath, and then said, “Okay, so here goes, the first part of what I’m going to tell you has to stay between the two of us. You can’t tell anyone.”
He waited for my nod and my pinkie locking onto his, and I never let go as he told me about the mission he had been on. About the woman that was one of their targets, and the way she had used a little boy to be her human shield.
I could hear the devastation in his tone, cracks in his façade as he talked about pulling the trigger before she grabbed him.
He told me about the scene he had to watch.
A group of insurgents raping a teenage girl, and they hadn’t been able to intervene or else it would ruin their mission.
About how a new team had come along on one mission, and about the friendly fire that had taken place.
And he told me about the team he had been called in to find, and how he had found them. I was glad I hadn’t had more than a few bites. Anything else and I would have hurled it up.
With all of that, I could understand now.
And my dad’s words came back to me. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust me. It was that things had happened that we hadn’t been able to avoid, and you're only human if you make mistakes.
Setting my food to the side, I scooted closer to him, wrapped my arm around his back, pressed my side to his arm, and rested my chin on his shoulder. Softly, I said, “I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m really sorry. And you’re forgiven for not talking to me. I don’t know if I would’ve been able to keep on living if I had to endure all of that. You amaze me, Tank. Truly amaze me.”
“Easy to keep on living when someone is the reason you’re still here.” He said cryptically.
I asked, “What are you talking about?”
He tilted his head and looked at me, “To tell you the truth. I had planned on having this talk at twelve oh one on your birthday, but work called. I planned to do it as soon as I had some food, a shower, and some sleep because I was dead on my feet and needed to be clear-headed, so I didn’t fuck everything up I wanted to say to you. Then that bitch happened. And now… here we are.”
That statement caused the breath in my lungs to hitch. “Okay. Why are you telling me this.”
“Because I thought I could let you go. Thought I could do it. But I fucking can’t. I need you in my life.”
I nodded, but I had to know something. I know he laid out what happened with Summer yesterday.
“Did you kiss her back?” I asked him.
