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Here we go… I don’t know whether I’m relieved he’s asking or terrified of what I know my answer will be.
He stops us and grabs my hand, taking me to dry sand where we can sit. All the little touches today have me craving more. My hand in his just feels so—so right.
“I’m not sure if you heard anything that went down last night, but Cami is not going to be coming down here to stay with the girls while I play. She doesn’t plan to come to North Carolina either. And even though I wouldn’t allow it, she isn’t even asking for me to give her the girls in New York.”
He shakes his head in disbelief, his voice full of emotion. “I have no desire to be around her and never have… it still breaks my heart for the girls. I just can’t fathom how she could not want to be with them.”
“I can’t either… that’s not right, E. I’m so sorry,” I whisper, running my hand through the hair at the top of his neck.
“Tell me what you need.” I tossed and turned all night, but after my conversation with my mom, I already know my decision. My best friend needs me… and I can’t lie to myself.I need him too.Nothing is the same without him.
“I know you are in between jobs right now. Do you still plan on continuing to nanny?”
I nod with a smile, trying to calm some of the nerves I feel thrumming off him.
“Would you be open to helping me? Paid, of course. Anything you need, I’ll have it here within the week. I’ll even call Ava tonight and ask her to pack up your things for you.” He pauses, grabbing my chin to make sure he has my full understanding. “I don’t want to overwhelm you. Trust me, I’ve wanted you with me every step of the way, but right now… Queenie,I need you.”
I pull him into a hug, giving myself a second to keep my emotions in check, the desperation in his voice taking me back to one of the worst nights of my life.
“I’ll do it, E. I’ll help.”
Eli pulls back slightly, surprise written all over his face that’s mere inches from mine.
“You will?” He licks his lips, and I quickly lift my gaze back to his eyes.
“Yes, the girls are precious. I already adore them. Plus, I haven’t accepted any offers back in New York yet, so it's great timing.” I move back, slightly scared I’ll crawl into his lap if I don’t create some space between us.
“No matter what… you are my best friend. I know it's been a rough year between us, but I want to help you in any way I can.” The gleam in Eli’s blue-grey eyes, the one he always gets when he’s excited about something, causes my belly to dip. I’ve missed this man so much.
“I want to get back to being us… to work on repairing our friendship.” He tries to hide it, but his smile drops slightly. I don’t want to hurt him more than I already have, but all I can do is give him the truth, and that’s the only one I know for sure right now.
He stands, pulling me into one more hug. “Thank you so much, Q. Seriously, you don’t know how much this means to me. I know I can trust my girls with you and that is such a relief. My teammates and the fans will have you to thank for my sanity this season. We can discuss the details back at the house. Okay?” I nod reassuringly.
As we walk back to where his teammates are, endless possibilities run through my head of how all this could turn out. The one question I can’t seem to let go of is… how much longer am I going to lie to myself by saying our friendship is the only thing I want to repair? The answer is… until I know my heart won’t be broken again.
That’s the scary thing when someone breaks your heart unintentionally… When they technically did nothing wrong, it makes it even more terrifying to open yourself back up.
Nineteen
We pull up to George Steinbrenner field—three cars deep full of Eli’s number one fans. Even Cindy’s parents flew in for the end of our Florida trip. Everyone is heading home tomorrow… well, everyone but me, the twins, and Eli, of course.
Tonight is his first spring training game and the whole “framily” is here to support. John drove Eli’s Dodge Ram over from the house since it has both car seats already installed in it. Cindy and I rode with him and the girls while everyone else piled into the two Yukons Eli rented. When I hop out of the backseat and start strapping the baby carrier on, my mother spots me and immediately runs over to help, as Cindy sets up the stroller.
“I love both of you very much. I know these are your grandbabies and pseudo-grandbabies, but I need you all to let me try this on my own tonight while I have you guys here as a test run. I promise to ask for help if I need it.”
Cindy immediately embraces me. “Of course, Quinnie girl. You are absolutely right. We’re here if you need us.” She kisses my forehead as she whispers, “Thank you so much. I don’t think you know how much this truly means to him.”
I give her a kiss on the cheek in response.
My mom chimes in, “Sorry, sweetie. I can’t help but want to give you a hand… I’ll make Dad hold me down if I try to intervene again.”
“Hold you down? Just tell me when and where, V!” my dad says with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “It’s been a while.”
I scrunch my nose up like I often have this week between my parents, the Bartons, and the Kings. “Not in front of the children,” I groan.
“Oh, they don’t even have a clue yet.” John chuckles, coming to my dad’s defense.
“It’s me… I’m the children,” I deadpan, right as the King family, including Lo, walks up.
