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Pulling Cora against me, though, feels much like holding a newborn hound, my heart filled with the need to protect her. I can’t fathom what would have happened if I hadn’t been in time to save her—and I don’t mean my repercussions from the Demon King.
I run my fingers through her long hair as both of our breathing slows, shifting her up so that she sits perpendicular in my lap. I brush my hand down her back, and a part of me excites when she doesn’t pull away from my touch immediately.
“Cora,” I murmur to her, and she tips her head back to stare at me with those icy blue eyes. “You can’t run away like that. You don’t know where you are.”
She nods, biting her trembling lip. “I know.”
I sigh, tapping her chin lightly. “There are much worse things on this island than me, and I don’t want you to get hurt.” I wince internally at the admission but plow forward. “You have to stay by my side or something might happen to you.”
Her gaze drops, and I let it, pressing her firmly against my chest. It’s the only place I want her right now after she just scared me, and I wrap my arms tightly around her small frame.
“Listen. I can protect you. I will gian the Demon King’s favor with my work, so as long as you stay by me, you’ll be safe from others.” She doesn’t answer, and I’m not sure why I keep talking. It sounds like I am asking her to choose me when in reality, she has no other option. I'm not even sure I can get the Demon's King ear as I promise it. “I want to keep you safe, but you have to let me.”
I’m not sure if she’s listening to me anymore as I rock her gently back and forth. I want to soothe her ragged nerves, and this just feels right.
Or it did until I hear her mumble, “I don’t want to be a slave.”
“I know,” I coo, but she shakes her head at me.
“You don’t know.” She’s starting to sound hysterical again. “You brought me here, and I can’t leave. I’m forced to be a slave for the dark elves, for demons. I just want to be free.”
She pounds lightly at my chest as if she’s trying to push me away, and I let my arms go slack but still rest around her. She’s obviously not trying to get away from me. It’s more about venting her frustrations it seems.
I let her beat against me until she seems to wear herself out. She keeps muttering about how she misses the forest, misses having some semblance of freedom. I want to give it to her, but I have no way to.
Finally, her words are overtaken with tears, and sobs choke off her next sentence. I tighten my arms around her, pulling her against me again, and Cora lets me. She cries against my body, her small frame shaking, and I try to help her.
I’ve never been one to soothe others, though, so I mostly just rock her and stroke her hair. I have no words for this situation. ‘I’m sorry’ feels useless, and I have no true option to offer her. I’m sure it is miserable not being in control of her life.
Guilt bubbles up in me until it rages against my relief. It makes me feel sick, knowing that I did this to her. I try to calm my mind by reminding myself that if it wasn’t me, it would have been someone else, but that doesn’t help.
I’m glad she’s in my care because I would trust her with no one else, but I do wish she were with me willingly. I wish our day could have been just a stroll around the city instead of her observing her new surroundings as she looked for an escape, but that’s not the roles we were given to play.
It breaks my heart knowing that this is how it is. I am a demon, her captor, her oppressor, but I want her to see me as more. It’s a shocking realization, but it’s what feels right. I want her to know that I don’t have to be those things to her, that I do have the King’s favor.
Maybe there is something I can do for her somehow. I can’t set her free, but I may be able to think of something to help her. Because I would do anything to ease the pain that I can so clearly hear in her cries.
It shatters me, and I’m worried that I will do something rash as I let my thoughts get away from me. I have to remind myself that she is here for a purpose, and while that causes a resurgence of guilt, it also forces me to remember that the fantasies in my head are just that.
I swallow hard and force myself to accept that the plans for her will not align with me. I try to soothe the aching pain inside with a reminder that she will be here on Ti’lith, though, and I can keep her in my life no matter what.
If only I could take her pain away, too.
As awful as I feel inside, racked with guilt and panic and sadness at our prospects, I’m sure it is nothing compared to what Cora is going through. I want to ease her burdens, shoulder it as my own, and I know now in this moment that I am fucked because I am willing to do just about anything to bring back that adventurous, courageous woman I met.
23
CORA
All my strength has evaporated.
Giroth’s arms are a comfort, despite the chaos roiling beneath his skin. I let my head rest on his shoulder and finally give in to him. I’m tired of fighting.
His mouth is to my ear as he stands with me in his arms. “I’m taking you home.”
Home, I think, a miserable smile finding me. My home was destroyed along with any life I might have had down on Protheka. It wasn’t much, but we were making the best of it. Now, my siblings are all alone down there, at the mercy of the dark elves.
And Laura…
