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She nods. “I guess Kha’zeth didn’t get a chance to tell you before you took off on him, but he visited Giroth. He came to ask my mate to advocate to the King on behalf of the human women still unmated. He insisted that he just wanted fair treatment, but I eventually got it out of him that he was desperate to do anything to make you feel better after you went to see them at the cells.”
“He found them?” The realization hits me like a bolt of his lightning. That’s why he was gone? That’s why he was so silent on our return back to the manor and why he disappeared so quickly?
Cora is grinning at my expense. “Giroth went with him to seek the attention of the King. Now, they are being better cared for. Giroth and Kha’zeth approved of their lodgings themselves and Kha’zeth summoned proper food for them. He told the guards to call on either of them if the girls needed anything more, and the King agreed to better care for them – to keep his product from spoiling, as he put it. Either way, they are doing much better because of those two.”
I bite down on my lip, not sure how to respond. It makes me feel conflicted. I’ve been so upset with Kha’zeth, thinking the worst of him. I thought that he had been fake with me, a liar who only wanted to use me.
But why would he go that far out of his way just to make me happy if he didn’t care about me? He went through all that effort just because I was sad about the other women, women that have no impact on him.
How can I hate him when he wanted to soothe my worries? Not just sooth them, but erase them. He went a step farther than I asked, not just feeding them, but ensuring they are being cared for properly.
I lay my head back against the pillow, staring up at the ceiling. Maybe Cora is right. Maybe I judged this demon too harshly. I had been convinced that he was only a monster, and it would be easy to label him as such if he was a harsh killer trying to coerce me into his bed.
But he’s never been like that.
He took his time with me. He was careful and attentive and gentle. He never pushed me farther than I was willing to go, and it pains me to admit that I do miss our intimacy. In fact, right now, I miss him. I miss the way I would wake up next to him, an arm curled around me protectively. Even in sleep, he had to ensure that I was safe.
How could I ever think of him as a monster, a manipulator or a liar?
I’m back to square one, feeling like my thoughts are more of a jumbled mess than anything else. Through all the conflict, though, I recognize one difference: I don’t want to desperately get away from Kha’zeth anymore.
Maybe I do need to face this head-on. I can only get the answers I need from him.
Turning to look at Cora, I ask her, “Where is he?”
“He’s waiting outside.” My eyes flick to the door, and I can’t help wondering how much he’s heard. “Do you want to see him?”
My heart throbs. Do I?
Deep down, I know the answer. I’m just too afraid to admit it.
89
KHA’ZETH
Maybe it’s wrong, but I’ve been listening intently on the other side of Natalie’s bedroom door the entire time. As soon as I saw her stir, I knew she wouldn’t want to wake up to see me, but I couldn’t get too far. I needed to hear her voice, to know she’s alright, and honestly, I wanted to know why she was so upset with me.
Now that I know, I can’t blame her for running from me.
I’ve done everything she has accused me of. I was involved in the raid and I did keep that from her. I didn’t want to admit it at the time because she was so tentative in her trust in me. She was just starting to open up, and I wanted more. I knew she’d shut down if I told her then.
And I had tried to rationalize it. I had lied to myself, telling her it wasn’t important enough for her to know. But even I didn’t buy that.
What am I supposed to say to her? She’s still heart broken over a fucking dark elf when I can offer her more than he ever could, and I was involved in his demise.
Do I regret it? No. But I don’t feel that piece of information is going to help my case any.
Natalie’s voice cuts through my thoughts. “Where is he?”
Oh, shit. My heart falters, anxiety and longing mingling. I want to see her, but I am afraid to. I’m not sure what will prolong it, and if she’s only going to confess how much she hates me, I’d rather stay here, mired in uncertainty, than face the blow she’s about to deliver.
“He’s waiting outside. Do you want to see him?”
I press a palm to the door as I lean against it. I’ve never been so nervous in my life, and as the pause drags out, my heart sinks. That’s an answer in itself.
But then she speaks up, sparking shock and hope in me. “Yes.”
I have to take a deep breath to calm my frayed nerves. My hands are shaking – when have they ever done this? I brace myself as I touch the doorknob, reminding myself not to barge in there and demand anything more than she’s willing to give.
