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“Every time I get it, I need more of it. It’s like a drug.”
Grady settled beside him, stretching his long body against Lake’s, his head resting on the same pillow as Lake. It felt intimate and filled Lake’s heart with warmth and happiness.
“Is it?” Grady asked, amusement in his voice. “You’re a pro at taking it.”
It was Lake’s turn to laugh. He twisted onto his side and propped himself up on an elbow. “I don’t think we’re very good at this friend thing,” he said, lowering his voice to a whisper.
“Not anymore,” Grady agreed.
Lake couldn’t disagree with that. They’d managed to keep their hands off each other for months. But now that theyhad,it was like neither of them could turn it off again.
“I don’t want to stop doing this,” Lake said honestly. Honesty was important here. He needed Grady to know where he stood, wanted him to know that hewouldbe honest with Grady, and that he wouldn’t lie or cheat or hurt him. “Either of the things. Sex or friendship. If you want to… keep it separate, then that’s okay.” Even if they only remained friends, those things were just as important.
Maybe Grady didn’t want to date him, but Grady still liked him, and he definitely didn’t seem to have a problem having sex with him. He valued Grady’s friendship more than he had words for, but he also loved being fucked by him. If that wasn’t a romantic relationship, he didn’t know what was. But he didn’t want to spook Grady again. He didn’t want to risk losing Grady altogether.
Grady sighed and turned his head. “Lake, it’s not that I don’t want to. I just think that we need to take this slow and tread carefully. I’m more than happy to give you an introduction course in the joys of gay sex, but when feelings get involved, things get messy.” He stroked Lake’s cheek and then down his neck before loosely holding on to Lake’s chain necklace, his fingers curling underneath. “While you’re figuring things out, keeping it casual is the best idea for both of us.”
“What if I’ve already figured it out?” Lake asked stubbornly. That just sounded like a whole lot of dancing around and vague bullshit to him. “If you aren’t interested, just say it. But don’t use me as an excuse.”
“I’m only one man,” Grady said patiently. He stroked Lake’s cheek, and Lake’s eyes fluttered as he enjoyed the gentle touch. “What if you want to experiment? See how it is with other guys?” The words sounded like they hurt, and Lake hoped they did because they were hurtinghim.
“Do you want me to go and sleep with other guys?” Lake asked, unable to mask the way his voice thickened in pain at the idea. “Or doyouwant to?” Because Lake didn’t want to. The thought had barely crossed his mind—the one time he’d tried to think about it, it had done nothing for him at all—and even now, when he knew that having a dick up his ass was his new favourite pastime, the idea of experiencing it with someone else wasn’t appealing at all to him. He didn’t want other men. He wantedGrady.Why was that so hard to understand?
“No, of course not.”
“Why ‘of course not’?” Lake asked mockingly. “Is that what it is? That you just don’t want to be tied down to me?” The thought of Grady sleeping with other people while he slept with Lake was… unpleasant, to put it mildly. The idea didn’t just hurt, it cut into him like the blades of a thousand knives, digging deep and nicking arteries so that he bled out from the inside.
“I’m trying not to tieyoudown, Lake.” He sounded reasonable, and Lake felt anything but.
“And if I want to be?”
“What happened to your dream of marriage, kids, a dog?”
“Men can’t have those things with other men?” Lake sighed. “I’m not going to lie and say that those things aren’t still important to me, because they are. Wanting to try something with you doesn’t mean they suddenly don’t mean anything. Italsodoesn’t mean that I can’t have them.”I think that I want them with youwent unsaid because he knew that even daring to utter that would make Grady bolt in the other direction.
Lake leaned forward, his chain necklace resting on Grady’s chest as he trailed his fingers through Grady’s chest hair. “You know what I really want right now?” he whispered, giving him a tender, slow kiss that made his toes curl.
Grady made a questioning noise, trying to follow his lips as he pulled away.
“Food,” Lake said. “I’m hungry.”
Grady huffed out a laugh. He groaned as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. “All right, let’s see what I can scrounge up.”
Grady’s idea of “scrounging up” something was vastly different than the rest of the world, Lake was sure. Definitely different from what Lake would have done. Once he’d grabbed out a whole tub of sliced cheese and just sat on the couch and made his way through each piece one by one.
Gradyended up making caramel popcorn from scratch, with warm cider.
They settled on the couch and absently flicked through Netflix.
“We should watchThe Lost World: Jurassic Park,” Lake said, pulling off a few pieces of the gooey popcorn. “Since we watched the first one last time.” That was the night that Lake had kissed Grady again, had realised he wanted so much more from Grady than what they’d been doing. He’d wanted itall. In a way, he’d gotten it. He was greedy, he supposed. Wantedeverythingand not just parts.
“That’s not on Netflix,” Grady answered, intent as he scrolled through to find a movie.
“Where is it, then?”
“I have no idea. I don’t think it’s on a streaming service.”
Lake deflated. He’d geared himself up for dinosaurs. “We should have gone to my place. Okay, what else is there?”
