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She pursed her lips, but nodded and left the room. I was quickly losing steam, standing on only one leg. Exhaustion swept over me and I felt like my leg would give out. This fucking sucked. Luckily, Cash didn’t wait to come over and help me. He slipped his shoulder under my arm, being careful not to bump my bad leg.
“Alright, lean on me and turn.”
“Easier said than done,” I grumbled. I put all my weight on him, knowing he wouldn’t drop me. With one big leap of faith, I hopped and tried to spin. It wasn’t as easy as it went in my head, and I ended up bumping my leg against Cash. I hissed in a breath and waited for the pain to pass. He stood patiently beside me, not making a move before I was ready. After two more times of that, I had finally turned enough that he could push the wheelchair up behind me.
I sat down carefully, then Cash lifted the foot rest, raising it all the way up so my leg could stretch out in front of me like it was supposed to. I tugged at my shirt, trying to get some air on my skin. I was sweating hard from that little effort, which only angered me again because if I did manage to get out of this without losing my leg, I had a hell of a road of recovery ahead of me.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I bit out, but I was anything but okay. Frustration burned inside me, but that wasn’t the worst of it. Tears pricked my eyes, and I wasn’t sure if it was from the pain coursing through my body or the realization with just the simple task of trying to sit in a fucking wheelchair that my life might not ever be the same.
“Duke—”
“Just give me a fucking minute,” I snapped.
I heard him shuffle to the door and hung my head. As soon as the door closed, the dam broke and my reality came crashing down on me. My life had become so fucked up in just the span of a few hours. And I didn’t blame Rae for any of this. I’d gladly do it again. The pain would be so much worse if anything had happened to her. But I just got a good glimpse into what life was about to be for me.
It was hard enough to get in this fucking chair. How was I supposed to get around without anyone’s help once I was at home? Not to mention that I had a business to run, and without me, all that would fall on Bowie. I knew he’d take over for me, but he shouldn’t have to. And with him picking up the slack, that meant hiring another mechanic, which I really didn’t want to do. I had been thinking about expanding, but that would all be out the window if I was laid up for the next few months with therapy and appointments at the hospital.
The weight of it all rested heavy on my shoulders, and it didn’t matter how many deep breaths I took. The pressure only tightened around my chest the longer I sat here. And the fucking joke of it all was that I made it through war with only a few scratches. I had been fucking lucky. It took coming home for me to get shot in the leg and shoulder.
A hand landed on my good shoulder, giving it a squeeze. I immediately stiffened and sucked in a breath, praying whoever the fuck this was didn’t hear me fucking crying. I swiped at my eyes, clearing my throat. Fuck, I was a mess.
“It doesn’t make you weak,” Cash said in a low voice. “I get it.”
“Yeah? Been shot in the leg a lot? Risked losing the ability to use it?”
He sighed and walked around to sit on the bed. We’d just been through this. I’m sure he thought I was fucked in the head.
“I’m sure you don’t know this, but I have a brother.”
I nodded. “I did know that. A twin. You’re fucking lucky.”
“Not if you met him,” he grinned. “Anyway, I was on a job for him, but I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into. But it was a good job. We were rescuing women caught up in a trafficking ring. It was actually connected to the same fucking one you went after.”
“Those fuckers pop up everywhere.”
“Exactly,” he nodded. “But we had the chance to save those women. Anyway, the job started going south and I drew the bastards away from the sight to give my guys a chance to get all of them out. And by doing that, I got myself captured.”
I laughed at that. “Best of intentions, right?”
“You can say that again.”
“So, what happened?”
“What normally happens when Rafe’s involved. He slid into my shoes at OPS and pretended to be me. Nobody knew it, not until Rae figured it out. She’s a sharp one.”
“I know.”
“They came for me eventually, but by then, I’d been through a ton of shit that I really don’t want to get into. The only reason they left me alive was because they thought I was Rafe. The first day I saw sunlight was like two weeks later. I was kept in a dirt cell with hardly any food and water. My leg was busted up and my ribs were bruised. My face was unrecognizable. And don’t even get me started on the psychological bullshit.”
I cocked my head at him as he watched me. The way he sat on my bed with his arms crossed over his chest, I just couldn’t see the man he was talking about. It was as if none of that happened.
“Whatever happens, you’ll get past this, but you have to give yourself time to be pissed about it. And then you use that anger to drive you to get better. If you rush that…” He shook his head as he stood. “You’ll never get better if you don’t allow yourself the time to accept what’s happened.”
I took his words in and really thought about it. I wanted to say it was all bullshit, but there was truth in his words. The fact was, I didn’t know what was going to happen yet. I had to see the doctors back home and get more information. And even then, there would be months of frustration and anger. I couldn’t yell at everyone whenever I got pissed off. My life was changing and I had to roll with it, or lose the one person I couldn’t stand to be away from.
I nodded at Cash and relaxed into the chair. Painful or not, I was getting down to that truck and getting my ass inside, because there were no other options at this point.
