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She pulls harder on the laces, making me jolt. “Don’t say that in front of Alexander. You’ve made things complicated enough.”
Theyare the ones who made things complicated.Theywoke me up in the middle of the night.Theyare trying to wed me to a psychopath. What did they expect would happen?
But there’s no point in fighting back.
My mother stands back and smiles. “I think that’s it. You’re done.”
My heart quivers. I want there to be more laces to tie. More pins to stick into my already overdone updo. I’m not ready to step out of this room and face whatever is coming next.
Ivan said captivity is a state of mind, but it’s a place, too. It’s hell.
Hell is what waits for me outside that door, and while I swore to myself and to Ivan that I will fight tooth and nail to make it through this never-ending nightmare… I desperately wish I didn’t have to.
I’m just so tired.
Tears well in my eyes as my mom moves around me. She reaches up and dabs at them with a white handkerchief.
“Every woman cries on her wedding day,” she reassures me.
I snort. “Usually for different reasons.”
“Yes, well…” She shrugs. “Mikhail doesn't need to know that. As far as they know, you’re overcome with joy.”
“He won’t believe that.”
“Thenmakehim believe it.” Her voice has a surprising edge to it.
I look in my mom’s eyes. She and I have never looked too much alike. She is shorter and softer and, ever since she met Alexander, her wavy hair has been tamed into low buns, her makeup subtle and nude.
“Makehim believe it,” she repeats. “Because as bad as you think things are now, they’ll only get worse if you keep fighting. Let Mikhail take care of you. Let him keep you safe.”
“Is that what you did with Alexander?”
She holds my gaze for a few more seconds, something unspoken passing between us. Then she turns away. “Of course not. I love him.”
“Very convincing.”
Suddenly, my mother whips around me, her voice low. “You don’t seem to understand the danger you’re in now, Cordelia. Mikhail has put up with your protests so far, but he won’t forever. If you want this family to survive—ifyouwant to survive—you’ll learn to take the hand you’ve been dealt.”
It’s the first time since I got here that I’ve seen a glimpse of my actual mother. A peek at the woman behind the facade Alexander has crafted.
She’s scared.
Maybe some of her fear is for me. The daughter in me would sure like to think so. But I know most of it is for herself. If I’m difficult, it might reflect poorly on her.
Before I can say anything, she steps back and smiles. “You look lovely, Cordelia.”
She’s receded back behind her mask. I don’t even recognize her.
Is that what I’ll have to become? A shell of my former self who tucks all of her thoughts and feelings and fears out of sight?
I want to keep fighting. But I’m not sure I can. Because she’s right: Mikhail will kill me if he doesn’t get his way.
My mother turns towards the door and panic washes over me. “Are you ready to get married, sweetheart?” She has the audacity to ask the question with a smile on her face. I’m not sure if she’s that deep in denial or if it’s an example of how I should behave.Smile. Pretend. Do what you must to get through.
I can’t bring myself to respond, so I just hike up the skirt of my dress and make my way across the room.
What is Ivan going to do when he finds out? This was never part of the plan. He promised he would stop this from happening.
