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“Hell, promise me we can do that again, and you can leave me tied.” He laughed then sobered.
Was there going to be an again? God, I hoped so, but Cal’s darkened expression was far from a guarantee.
“Don’t go making offers,” I joked roughly. “Might keep you tied up in here forever.”
He shrugged. “As long as you feed me. Probably wouldn’t be terrible.”
“So much enthusiasm.” I tried to keep the gag going, but my heart wasn’t up to the task.
“Hey.” Cal stroked my jaw. “For you? Always.”
Always. God. The only word I wanted more than again. Again and again and always and forever. I let him kiss me, knowing full well the difference between wanting and having.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Holden
Cal was a fun date. Even with everything swirling between us, our trip into Portland to retrieve his new scuba suit was enjoyable. Gorgeous spring day with light traffic and perfect driving weather. Cal handled his business at the scuba shop quickly enough that we were able to head to one of my favorite neighborhoods for lunch, followed by braving the long line for a nearby touristy ice cream place.
“I think I like Safe Harbor’s ice cream better than Portland’s offering.” Cal smiled at me around a lick of his waffle cone. We were sitting at a wrought-iron picnic table, a jaunty red umbrella shading us from the afternoon sun.
“Blasphemy. Don’t tell my Portland friends, but I might agree with you.” Watching Cal eat ice cream was torture, and it took all my willpower not to lean over and kiss him. “This is still tasty. And lunch was good. Loved the chance to get Greek.”
Small talk. My usual superpower saved us from another awkward silence. Because the list of topics we couldn’t discuss was ever-growing. But weather and food could always be counted on to fill the space in the divide.
“Yeah, I’ll take those gyros anytime. And thanks again for the ride. It’s nice to have the suit squared away.” Cal skirted perilously close to one of those dangerous topics as he took the last bite of his cone. The dry suit taking up the backseat of my car felt like a giant strobe light announcing Cal’s availability to move on any time now. “And nice as it is letting you play taxi for me, I better hope I remember how to drive.”
“Oh?” My heart knocked like an idling diesel engine, that departure getting ever closer.
“Since I took that offer on my old rig, the RV dealer friend of Earl’s wants me to stop by in the morning, test drive a motorhome he has for a decent price.”
“You should.” I managed to keep my voice level, helpful even. “Let me know if you need help freeing the electronic funds.”
“Will do. I should check the current amount.” He pulled out his phone only for it to buzz with an incoming call. “Huh. I should get this.”
Eyes narrowing, Cal pushed away from the table, pacing down the sidewalk. His frown deepened the more he listened, and I was hardly reassured by the way he kept nodding, posture military perfect. Whatever he was agreeing to, I wasn’t going to like it.
“That was a SEAL contact.” Pocketing his phone, Cal returned to the chair beside me. “Thought he’d probably lost my number, same as others. But he heard about my work doing recovery dives and visited my revamped website. Apparently, all those testimonials are the gift that keeps giving.”
Cal offered a twisted smile, but I didn’t laugh, instead gesturing for him to continue.
“Anyway, this buddy has been involved with a missing person’s case down near Lake Tahoe in Nevada. Fellow Spec Ops warrior who checked himself out of a treatment program. Clues point to a particular small but deep lake near Tahoe. The family just wants some closure.”
“Understandable.” I tilted my head, trying to keep a neutral expression. It was a given where Cal was heading with this story, and that revving engine in my chest became louder, more insistent.
“Others have been refusing to dive the area the guy was last spotted because it’s…” Cal trailed off, mouth pursing, undoubtedly trying to think of a way to minimize the potential hazards in his explanation. “It’s a challenge. Not impossible. But definitely tricky, and better to do it now than try to wrangle the gear in the dead of summer. Also, changing weather and water conditions could influence the chances of a recovery.”
“But you’re going to do it?” I managed to phrase it as a question like there was any chance he’d said no.
Cal shrugged. “I’ve got my suit now. About to have an RV. Have funds for travel. No reason not to.”
No. Reason. Not. To. Each word pierced my flesh, pointy and final. “What about…never mind.”
“What?” Cal wrinkled his nose, either confused or frustrated, and I wasn’t sure which would be worse.
