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I hear him let out a heavy sigh, but he doesn’t answer immediately. “I can’t gamble with my dad’s health, Julia. He needs time—”
“Very well.” I try to mask the pain in my voice, but I’m sure it’s all too evident. “Have a good one.”
“Ju–” is all I hear before I’m cramming my phone back into my pocket, grasping the sink with both hands and breathing slowly, in through my nose and out of my mouth, to keep from crying. Damn Sebastian! Damn him and his stubbornness…his lack of care for me!
I need him, and I hate him for it. The worst part is, though, that I hate myself, too.
I want another drink, right now, but I don’t know if my legs will work anymore if I have one. Was I being too harsh on him? Was it really fair to expect him to choose between me and his father? But then again, wasn’t love supposed to conquer all?
I’ve still got my eyes closed, head bent over the sink as Gabi enters the bathroom. She finds me there, all but slumped over, hot tears streaming down my face. My phone is vibrating in my pocket, but I don’t give a damn if Sebastian is calling me or not.
I look up at Gabi when she comes up next to me, and she immediately understands. “Are you okay?” she asks, placing a hand on my shoulder.
Looking into my friend’s face, I know for a fact that she heard me talking on the phone with Seb. Any other time it would make me feel stupid, embarrassed, even, but not tonight. She and my brother went through all this work to get me here, and they don’t deserve for Sebastian to ruin their nights, too. So, I put on a brave face, and lie. “Always. Let’s go have some fun, shall we?”
We make our way back to the table, and I can feel eyes on me. I know my friends are worried, but I don’t want to talk about it. Once we arrive, Gabi whispers to Alex, who gives me a sympathetic look. I try to shake it off and act normal, but my mind is still reeling. I sit down and take a deep breath, determined now more than ever to enjoy the night despite everything.
My brother, who is sitting next to me, asks me as quietly as he can while still being heard over the music, if I’m okay, and I give him a forced smile. “Never been better.” I order a round of shots, hoping to numb the pain just a little bit more, but it only seems to make things blurrier and harder to focus on. Oh well, I guess that also means I can’t focus on Sebastian, either.
As I listen to the music, it courses through me, the drumbeat in my bones. I feel a sudden urge to dance. This song is familiar, and one of my favorites. A little reminder of the things in the world that bring me joy, Sebastian or no Sebastian. Without thinking twice, I grab Gabi’s hand and pull her to the middle of the dancefloor.
The two of us dance, and I feel a rush of emotions. Anger, sadness, and confusion all swirl around inside me. But for the moment, I’m able to forget everything and just enjoy the music and the moment.
I don’t know if it’s the drinks, the music, or just how inebriated I really am, but as I dance with Gabi I can feel the weight of the world lift off my shoulders. It’s like all my problems disappear and I’m able to just be in the moment, swaying to the music and feeling the beat pulse through my body. I don’t know how long it will last, so I’m determined to soak it all in.
Gabi is not only the perfect friend, but also the perfect dance partner, matching my movements effortlessly and encouraging me to let loose and have fun. I feel so grateful to have her in my life, and I can't help but smile as we twirl and spin around the dancefloor. The music is loud and the lights are flashing, but at this moment, everything is just right. I feel like I can be myself with Gabi, and that she understands me in a way that no one else can.
As the song ends, Gabi pulls me in for a tight hug, and I feel a surge of affection for her. “Who needs a man when one has a Gabi in their life?” I joke, but there’s a hint of truth to my words.
“I’m sure things will come around,” Gabi says, and I know she means it. She’s always been here for me, through the ups and downs of my life, and I know that I can count on her to be here for me now.
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, feeling a sense of calm wash over me. Maybe everything will be okay after all. Maybe I don't need closure from Seb to be happy. Maybe all I need is my friends, some good music, and a little bit of fun.
22
Sebastian
Mondays lookdifferent now that I am the head of the company and no longer just second in command. I can’t say that I’m enjoying the change, but I understand the need for all the extra work. The day ahead of me is packed with back-to-back meetings, and my secretary has just informed me that a few new projects have come in. Taking a seat at my desk, I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and mentally prepare myself for the busy day ahead. I’m running on caffeine and adrenaline, trying to stay on top of everything while also trying not to think of how much I miss Julia.
My phone pings—I check and see that I have a meeting in ten minutes. So much for having any time to mentally prepare for another crushing shift. I quickly glance over the notes and try to prepare myself for what’s to come. After a while, it all seems to run together, and it takes a series of blinking and head shakes to even get through the summary of what is on the first meeting agenda. Luckily, I wear the mask of a competent CEO well, no one will ever know how disconnected I really feel.
Meanwhile, the actual issues floating around in my mind are haunting me. Breaking Julia’s heart, and my own in the process, and my father’s failing health.
A million memories of working with my father hover over me as I walk the long hallway to the conference room. Like my first day working here, watching and learning from my father, noticing as work began to take precedence over his personal life, and then watching him work his last few days as CEO as a shadow of his former self. None of those memories can be good anymore, it seems. Even the ones that seemed positive at the time.
As I step into the conference room, I’m immediately bombarded with questions and concerns. A lot of the investors and board members, while supportive and caring at first, have started pushing my boundaries, no doubt to test me and see if I really am worthy of my father’s previous position. I meet their challenges head on, but it exhausts me after some time. The meeting lasts longer than expected, and by the time I leave, I’m already behind schedule for the rest of my daily responsibilities.
It’s when I’m rushing back to my office that my cell phone rings, and I see that it’s my secretary being forward from my desk phone. I answer, half-expecting her to tell me about yet another task that needs to be done, and my instincts prove to be correct. She informs me of a last-minute interview that needs to be scheduled, causing a wave of frustration to wash over me. I’m already stretched thin, and I’m not sure how I’ll manage to fit it in, but what choice do I have?
Moving from one task to another, my mind drifts to Julia, as it always seems to. The phone call from her still echoes in my mind, brought to the forefront of my thoughts each time my cell rings. The hope that it’s her flashes in me every single time. I can’t seem to shake off the thoughts of what went wrong between us, how I only gave her up to help keep my father well…but it doesn’t mean that I don’t miss her terribly. I try to focus on my work, but my mind keeps drifting back to her.
I take a quick break to grab a cup of coffee while I flip through the pile of resumes from candidates to interview, hoping that the coffee will help me stay focused. I’d rather be picking out possible additions to the team at home, reading each resume at my leisure, but that just isn’t in the cards for me. As I sit down at my desk, I realize that the day is far from over. I have several more meetings and tasks to complete before I can even think about going home.
Despite my best efforts, I can’t shake off the feeling that’s been nagging at me all day–the feeling of bearing a burden that is too heavy for any single man to bear. I take a deep breath and remind myself that I can do this. I can handle the workload, no matter how stressful it may seem. But as the day wears on, I find myself feeling more and more drained. The weight of my responsibilities seems to be crushing me, and I feel like I’m drowning in the sea of work. By the end of the day, I’m exhausted, both mentally and physically. Gathering my things to leave the office, I wonder how I’ll manage to get through the rest of the week.
The evening air is heavy with the humidity of impending rain, the streets busy with everyone else heading out from their own jobs for the evening, laughing and talking.
Probably because they aren’t stuck with so much responsibility that it seems unfair, like I am, and frankly I’m jealous of all of them. It’s been such a short time since I’ve taken over but I can’t even remember what it’s like to clock out and leave work behind me to focus on my personal life.
