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Alex nods in agreement, his hand reaching out to give mine a reassuring squeeze. We sit in silence for a few moments, the only sound the ticking of the clock on the wall, and then the sound of my brother digging through the paper bag for another pastry, but some things never change.
Finally, Alex breaks the silence. “You’re strong, Julia. Stronger than you give yourself credit for. You’ll get through this.”
His words are healing my wounded heart, and I feel a glimmer of hope start to spark within me. I’ve got Gabi and Alex by my side, and I start to think that I can face this misery and come out the other side better for it. Wiser.
And maybe, just maybe, with Sebastian, if he pulls his head out of his ass and realizes my worth. Despite my prickly exterior when he first arrived earlier, it’s nice having my brother here, and I hug him tightly, grateful for his unwavering support. “Thanks, Alex. For everything…but especially for not siding with Mom. I know it’d be easier.”
“Nah,” he says, patting my back before letting me go. “I guess we’re both just the problem child.”
After a while, we both get ready to head to campus. Alex is studying business, and we both have classes today. On the way out the door he offers to walk me to my classes, and I accept. I know that my brother’s classes are on the other side of the campus, but I like having company right now. Maybe it will help keep the bad thoughts at bay.
It’s useless, though, and once we’re outside and out of the comfort of my apartment, I can’t help but feel a deep sense of heartbreak. Sebastian’s face seems to be everywhere–in the faces of strangers on the street, in the familiar buildings we used to walk by together. I check my phone obsessively, hoping for a message from him, but there’s nothing. Not even a simple “good morning.”
With each passing minute, I feel more and more stupid and naive for believing that Sebastian would go to the ends of the earth for us. I trusted him, believed in him, and he let me down. It’s hard not to feel betrayed, as though our entire relationship was just a lie.
Alex notices the sadness etched on my face and puts his arm around me, offering a comforting embrace. “I know it hurts, Julia. But things will get better. You’ll see.”
I give him a small, false smile, but can’t muster up any small talk as we enter the campus grounds. Alex fills the silence with anecdotes and chatter about his own classes, but I think he and I both know that I’m not really giving it my full attention.
We turn the corner, and suddenly, Gabi appears, as if she’s been waiting for me. Knowing my steadfast, sweet friend, she probably was, but she tries to make our meeting look natural. “Hey, girl. How are you holding up?” Gabi asks, concern evident in her voice even as she tries to sound chipper.
“Not great,” I admit, fighting as hard as I can to keep my voice from breaking. Alex is on one side of me, and Gabi on the other, but there are still other students all around and I don’t want them to see me breaking down.
“No word yet, huh? He’s probably just scared,” Gabi reassures me. “Give him some time.”
“But what if he never comes back?” I ask, my voice trembling.
“Then he’s not the one for you.” She locks her arm with mine as we walk, and lowering her voice, she adds, “But I don’t believe that's the case. He loves you too much to just let you go. He just hasn’t realized it yet.”
I wish I could believe that. But right now, I can’t see past the pain and betrayal I feel.
“I don’t know, Gabi. I feel stupid and naive for believing he’d go as far as I would for us,” I fess out, my voice barely above a whisper.
“You’re not stupid or naive. You believed in something beautiful, and that’s something to be proud of.”
I take a deep breath and try to calm down. Gabi is right. I shouldn’t blame myself for believing in love. Still, he’s haunting me–-every couple holding hands, every guy with dark hair and deep, soulful eyes, reminds me of him…how am I supposed to get through the day like this? I keep checking my phone obsessively, hoping for a message or a call, but there’s nothing.
Gabi notices my distress and takes my hand. “He’ll come around, Julia. I know it. For right now, though, let’s get to class, okay?”
“Okay,” I breathe, and Gabi squeezes my hand before letting me go to bid my brother goodbye. I whisper another thanks to him, and follow Gabi to our lecture, keeping my eyes on the ground so I don’t have to see all the little things that make it impossible to get him out of my head. One day at a time…I guess that’s all I can do.
21
Julia
A week has passedsince that awful day when Sebastian broke my heart, but the pain continues to linger like a stubborn stain that won’t wash away. He’s everywhere, in every corner of my mind, and I can’t seem to escape his memory.
I throw myself into school work, pulling my already stellar grades up until they can’t go any higher. Here on campus, it’s acceptable to shut out the world if it’s for the sake of studying and schoolwork, so no one bothers me when I hole up in the corner of the library, reading law book after law book until I feel like my eyes are crossing. Then, when I’m finally exhausted beyond measure, I can sleep.
This routine, with quick delivery dinners and grab and go breakfasts weaved in, works well for the school week, but at the end of the day on Friday, I find myself outside of the closed library with nothing else to do and nowhere to go but home.
In my apartment, I make myself some tea while the TV is on, playing an episode ofFriendsfor me to catch up on. Gabi calls a few times, but I ignore the ringing. When the door buzzer goes off, I assume it’s her, wondering why in the heck I’m not responding to her repeated attempts to talk, but once again I’m surprised to see my brother waiting there, instead. I’m about to ask him why he’s bothering me on a Friday evening when Gabi’s short form pops out from behind my brother’s much taller frame with a Cheshire grin on her face.
“Ready to go out?” She warbles, flowing around Alex and into the apartment. “You should probably change.”
“I’m absolutely not going anywhere,” I declare, waiting until Alex is inside to close the door behind the two of them. Annoyance bubbles inside of me at their easy assumption that I’m up for a night on the town. It’s the last thing I want to do.
“Come on,” Alex gripes, crossing his arms. “We’re just going to take you out to eat. There’s live music, too. You’ll like it.”
