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As I sit there with him, I can’t help but think back to all the missed opportunities we had as a family. The times we could have spent together, but chose to prioritize work or other commitments instead. It’s a painful realization, but one that I need to confront in order to move forward. Julia’s face passes through my consciousness, and I make a silent vow to never let her fall by the wayside. Seeing my dad fall to pieces reminds me all over again how much she means to me, and how I plan to treat her as best as I possibly can for the rest of our lives.
“I know it’s hard, Dad,” I say softly, breaking the silence. “But we can’t change the past. All we can do is learn from it and make the most of what we have now.”
My dad looks up at me, his eyes filled with gratitude and soul-deep grief. “You’re right, Sebastian,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper. “I just wish I could have done things differently.”
“I know,” I say, squeezing his hand. “But we can’t dwell on the past. We have to focus on the present and the future.”
We sit there in the quiet for a few minutes, lost in our own thoughts. I can feel the weight of the situation bearing down on me, but I try to remain strong for my dad. It’s not easy, but I know that I have to be there for him, just like he was there for me when I needed him.
Eventually, my dad speaks again, and now his voice is steady. “Sebastian, I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for not being there for you like I should have been.”
I shake my head. “No, Dad. You did the best you could with what you had. And you’ve always been there for me, even when things were tough.”
He nods weakly, and I can see the fear in his eyes. I know he’s scared of what’s happening to him, and I feel a sense of helplessness that is completely foreign to me. I wish I could fix everything, but I know that’s not possible. I want to tell him how much I love him and how grateful I am for everything he’s done for me, and how much I still need him in my life, especially now, but the words get caught in my throat.
If I can’t broach the subject about everything between us right now, at least I can tell him about everything happening in my relationship with the Van Dieren heiress. Sucking in a breath, I quickly go over the words in my head. It’s time to tell my dad the truth. About Julia. About us.
Gathering my thoughts, I clear my throat. This conversation with my dad has been a long time coming, and I can feel the weight of it pressing down on me. Margaret and her disapproval is a shadow hanging over our lives, and the quicker we can get past her, the better.
“Dad,” I begin, my voice as calm as I can possibly make it. “There’s something I need to talk to you about. It’s important.”
My dad looks at me curiously, sensing the gravity of the situation. “What is it, son?”
“It’s about Julia,” I reply, my heart pounding in my chest. "Margaret Van Dieren’s daughter. I’ve been keeping something from you…something that I need to tell you.”
My dad’s expression becomes more serious, and he leans forward slightly in his chair. “Go on,” he says, his eyes fixed on mine. “I think I have an idea of what you’re about to tell me, but maybe I will be surprised.”
I chuckle. “No, you’re probably right on the money. I spoke to Margaret about Julia,” I continue, my words coming out in a rush. “And I think she’ll eventually come around and accept us. Begrudgingly, of course.”
There’s a moment of silence as my dad takes this in, his brow furrowed in thought. Then he asks the question that I’ve been dreading.
“So she’s not just a friend, is she?” It’s clearly a rhetorical question. He already knows the answer.
I shake my head, both uncomfortable admitting all of this to him and relieved to have it all out on the table. “No, Dad,” I admit, feeling a sense of uneasiness at what I’m about to say. “She’s not just a friend. She’s a very special woman and I’d like to propose to her so she knows I’m not here wasting her time.”
For a moment, my dad just stares at me, his face unreadable. I can feel the tension in the room, the air thick with anticipation. Then he speaks, his voice surprisingly gentle. “You don’t have to rush, son. Take your time. Make sure she’s the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.”
“I’m not rushing, Dad,” I interpose immediately. “I know we’re meant to be together. And I want her by my side, always.”
My dad nods, seeming to understand the depth of my feelings. “Well, if you’re so sure, then you should bring her over. I’m not the one who's going to forbid you to be with the woman you love.”
Just like that, everything falls away from me, and I feel a freedom that is as pure as snow. There. It’s done. He knows my intentions. My dad may not be completely on board with my relationship with Julia, but he’s not actively trying to stop me either. It’s a start, and certainly, a better one than I’ve had with Julia’s mother.
We continue talking, delving deeper into the intricacies of my relationship with Julia. I tell my dad about all the things that I love about her, about the way she makes me feel alive and whole. And as I speak, I can feel the love that I have for her pouring out of me, filling the room with its warmth and intensity.
My dad listens patiently, nodding along as I speak. He asks questions, wanting to know more about this woman who has captured my heart. And I answer, eager to share everything that I know about the woman that I love.
As the conversation comes to an end, my dad reaches out and takes my hand. “Just remember, son,” he says, his voice reassuring. “No matter what happens, treat her with all the reverence and love in the world, every day of your life. Things can change in an instant, and living with regrets is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
I grip his hand firmly in a gesture of affection, while the hollow of what we’ve lost lies between us. “I know, Dad. I know.”
19
Sebastian
My confrontationwith Margaret had flooded me with adrenaline in the moment, but I didn’t expect it to linger so long on my mind. But when it was the first thing that I thought about the following morning, and I couldn’t shake it, I came to terms with the idea that I’m going to need some time to process the fight.
I think, all things considered, that I won the argument and came out on top, but when I pick all the words said apart in my brain, I feel less and less confident of this fact. Plus, the fact that Julia is the only thought that I have when I’m not analyzing the argument with her mom isn’t helping, either.
