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Mom…Adriana, Freddie…
And then, the worst thought of all.
My car…my fault.
Freddie had asked so many times in the past to drive it and I’d rejected him just as many, but this last time I had given in. Maybe it was the pressure of being asked so many times, or maybe it was because my mind was elsewhere, but I for some idiotic reason, agreed, and that simple agreement had gotten them all killed. The truth of it all is glaringly obvious—someone had meant to kill me, the heir, but instead had wiped out everyone else in the family besides me and Dad.
What a cruel fucking twist. I wish it was me…God, how I wish it was me.
My mind is still blank besides pain as my uncle arrives in a flurry on his own ATV, running to my father and immediately going to his knees next to his brother, wrapping him in an embrace the likes of which they haven’t probably shared since they were a child. Leopold rocks my father back and forth with his arms around him, and having one of the few members of his family left there with him, Dad breaks out of the haze of shock and begins to sob in huge, heaving gasps. I watch, distant and numb, feeling my phone vibrating in my pocket while everyone else starts circling the newly widowed man, without knowing what to say or do.
Oh, that’s right. Everyone probably thinks I’m dead. I guess I should answer. I pull the Blackberry out, not even bothering to look at the screen. It isn’t until Julia, on the other line, begins to speak that I realize I haven’t even said anything since accepting the call.
“Sebastian?” she asks, her tone thick with panic. “Sebastian?”
“Julia,” I reply woodenly, and she lets out an enormous sigh of relief.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” she gushes before relief turns to sorrow. “But, oh God, Sebastian…your mom! Your siblings! I just heard. Are you…?”
“I’m not okay, no,” I tell her, knowing what she’s about to ask. “Physically, sure.”
“...I don’t even know what to say…Sebastian…” I hear her little hiccup of a sob, and it annoys me. Why is she crying? She didn’t even know them.
“You don’t need to say anything. I’m getting off here.”
“Wait!” she calls, and I stop with the phone halfway off my ear to hear what she has to say, watching my uncle try to coax my father to his feet. Dad looks like the walking dead. Around us, the businessmen hover like flies, unsure where to land as this all plays out.
“I–” Julia tries before finding her words. “I’m here for you, Seb. No matter what you need, no matter what time, I’m here for you.”
I allow myself a second to consider laying in her arms while all my angry grief spills out of me, but it isn’t feasible. Dad is incapacitated, barely able to stand, and it’s all going to fall to me. Everything…and I have to be ready for it. There is no time to mourn the way I want to.
Then, I consider something awful. If whoever rigged my car to explode was trying to kill me, that means other people in my life are at risk, too. The few people left that I care about, that is, and first and foremost of those people is sweet Julia.
“Stay home,” I demand, my heartbeat in my throat as I try steadying myself. “Stay near your mother and don’t go out in public alone for a few days, okay? Listen to me, Julia, because I can’t lose you, too. I just–” To my shame, a sob sticks in my throat like a sticky ball of dough, refusing to move, and I know she’s heard it. “Just keep yourself safe,” I finish.
“I will,” she promises. “But Seb–”
“We’ll talk when I’m back,” I interrupt, my eyes on my dad as he tries to stand again on his two feet with the help of my uncle. “For now just…fuck, Julia, all I need from you right now is to stay safe.”
There’s so much more I want to tell her, though. I want to tell her I love her, even if it sounds crazy, and that knowing she’s alive is the only thing keeping me centered as the world crashes down. I realize she hasn’t said anything in return since I finished speaking, not even goodbye, so I call her name, but no one answers.
“Julia?” I repeat once more. And yet, despite my insistence, there is nothing but silence from the other side of the line. My heartbeat quickens as panic settles in. “Julia?!”
With a jolt, I shoot up in bed, hand pressed over my racing heart as I suck in desperate breaths of cool night air. It was a nightmare…that same damned nightmare I’ve been having for two decades now…
I look over to the other side of the bed, and it’s empty.
Again.
Throat dry as the desert, I reach over and turn my bedside clock to face me in the dark. 4:02 am…too early to really be up, but too late to go back to sleep.
Fuck it. May as well start the day. It’s not like I’m going to be able to sleep now, anyway.
After splashing cold water on my face and brushing my teeth, I head back to the unmade bed and pull my iPhone out from the bedside table, unplugging it from the charger. I don’t usually sleep with it next to the bed, but with Julia gone, I’m not taking any chances of missing her call in the middle of the night.
There’s nothing from my wife, though, just a single text from Alex, my brother-in-law.
Alex:Hey man, everyone was at the rehearsal dinner besides you and the kids. What’s up?
