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My mother exhales, still deep in thought, and I know that I have planted a seed of hope within her. I can only pray that she will be able to find the courage to do what is right, even if it means facing difficult consequences with Dad and how he’s going to react to all of this.
“I will do my best,” she says after a long moment, looking tired.
I jump up from my chair and hug my mother, the weight falling off my shoulders knowing that she will help. “Thank you, Mom. That’s all I can ask.”
Then, just like we planned, Johan says, “It’d mean the world to us all if you could be present at Andries’s wedding.” Mom looks up at him in surprise when I release her from my embrace. “Elise and I would love to see you there.”
Her eyes shutter, and she shakes her head. “Oh, I can’t do that to Sebastian.”
“Mom, everyone will be there,” I point out. “I know you well enough to know that you want to go. We won’t push you anymore tonight, but just think about it. Think about how it will look to all of our family if you aren’t there for your oldest son’s wedding. Please, do the right thing.”
Mom waves her hands at the two of us before massaging her temples, eyes fluttering closed. “I have a lot to think about. Leave me, you two, and we’ll talk later.”
Johan and I look at each other, and without another word, leave the office. But not before I lean down to kiss my mother’s cheek, and thank her once more, this time quiet enough that only the two of us can hear.
As I escort Johan to his guest bedroom, I can sense that the atmosphere between us has shifted slightly. We engage in some small talk about the evening and the events that have taken place, but I can sense that he's trying to be overly affectionate with me. He's trying to read into the signals I'm sending, but I'm not interested. I want to be clear about my intentions and make sure that he knows where I stand.
So, as we reach the door to his bedroom, I take a deep breath and turn to him. “Johan, I want you to know that we're just friends.” His eyes go wide at my announcement. “I know that there might be some confusion lingering, but Dan and I are officially together.”
He looks at me with a mix of shock and disappointment, and I can see that my words have caught him totally off guard. “I understand,” he says, a hint of sadness in his voice.
I then hand him the tickets to the Horse Show which I have been holding in my pocket and tell him to invite Hannah, knowing that she would love to go. “Hannah?” he repeats with a raised eyebrow.
“Yes, Hannah, she's always been a big fan of horse riding and I think she would really enjoy the show. This would be a great way to repay her generosity towards you,” I explain, despite knowing all too well that Hannah couldn’t care less about horses. But she’d attend any event on the planet if it meant spending some time with Johan on her own. “It's just a friendly gesture, Johan. Nothing more.”
He nods, but I can tell that my words have left him a little bewildered. Despite that, I can see that he's trying to be a good sport about it and I'm grateful for his understanding. I say goodnight and leave him to his thoughts, but I can't help but wonder what he's thinking. Is he disappointed? Confused? I hope that he understands where I'm coming from and that he doesn't take my words the wrong way.
As I lay in bed, my mind races with thoughts of the events of the day and the challenges that still lie ahead. I think back to my conversation with Johan, and how I managed to delicately navigate the situation while still securing an opportunity for my friend to experience the joy of the Horse Show.
I feel a sense of accomplishment wash over me, but at the same time, a pang of guilt for not having told Dan about Johan. I know that Dan is incredibly supportive and understanding, but I can't shake the feeling that keeping this from him is wrong. I make a mental note to talk to him about it in the morning and clear the air, but wonder if I’ll chicken out tomorrow. Dan will be pissed knowing that Johan is here, but I hope seeing Johan helping as much as he is will temper Dan’s anger some.
As I close my eyes and let out a deep sigh, I remind myself that despite the challenges, I have a strong support system made up of my loved ones, and I have faith that with their help, I can overcome any obstacle. I’m doing the right thing for my brother and his fiancée to atone for the trouble I’ve caused in the past. I think of Dan's comforting embrace and the love he brings into my life, and I feel a warm sense of peace.
And with that thought, I finally succumb to the embrace of slumber, dreaming of a brighter future filled with love, hope, and happiness.
30
Dan
Dinner with Andries,Roxanne, and her family seems somehow subdued without Elise by my side, but I have a feeling that I’m the only one fixated on her absence. There is a sense of emptiness without her, and I miss her contagious laughter and her sparkling smile. I had asked her to come, but she said she needed to stay at the estate this weekend to try to persuade her mother to go to Andries’s wedding.
It almost feels stupid how much her presence, or lack thereof, affects me. Before, spending an evening with my best friend would be a good time, but now the only thing on my mind is his sister––which I know doesn’t make me the ideal friend right now… not with everything Andries is going through. But there’s nothing to be done about my emotions right now, except to look forward to El coming home sooner rather than later, and the time we will spend together when she does.
We eat takeout from a local Chinese restaurant, and once the meal is through, the women excuse themselves to go over some last minute wedding details. Robin, Andries, and I make our way out to the terrace, but Robin gets a work-related call that he goes out front to take in private, which leaves me with a rare opportunity. Andries and I are finally alone, and not arguing for once, meaning it’s the best moment I can ask for to tell him that Elise and I are officially a couple. I’m sure that, on some level, he already knows, but it’s time to put it all out in the open.
I suck the fresh air deep into my lungs, accepting the glass of amber brown whiskey that Andries hands me before we sit down on the wrought iron antique patio furniture of Roxanne’s. The moon is high in the sky and the stars twinkle like diamonds, and there is a pang in my heart thinking about El struggling with her mother at this very moment while I relax and unwind. Andries starts talking about relationships and commitment, and I can't help but think of Elise.
“It’s getting so close,” Andries muses out loud, breaking my reverie. “I’m going to be married before I know it, and things will never be the same. It’s crazy to think about.”
“I have to admit, I never guessed you’d be getting hitched so young, or that you’d be the one in such a serious relationship, but I guess I should’ve known better.” I elbow him good-naturedly, shaking the alcohol in his glass. “You never do anything by half measures, as we all know.”
“I always wanted commitment,” he tells me, rubbing the spot where my elbow hit his arm. “I hated the idea of meaningless casual relationships, so I guess this was always in the cards for me. Roxie… well, she changed the way I view the world, you know?” He exhales, and then annoyance flashes over his face. “Plus, you’re sort of in a relationship with mysister.”
I laugh. “We’re just one big happy family now, Andries. You know you love it.” He scowls, but I can see the corner of his mouth twitching in amusement, which tells me he’s relaxed enough to hear the news I’m about to break. “But hey, I, um, I have to tell you something, man. El and I have decided to take this to the next level. We’re um… officially a couple. Publicly and everything.”
I expect the normal reaction when a friend tells another friend that he’s found a partner, a congratulation, maybe a quick hug and slap on the back—tempered, of course, since Elise is his sister and he obviously didn’t want us dating in the first place—but instead Andries’s face falls into shadow. My heart sinks at his expression.
“What?” I demand, the nervous joy disappearing from my tone. “What’s that look about?”
