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26
Dan
Morning comes too soon,and I roll over, still half asleep and content. My hand reaches out to touch the warm body next to me, memories of Elise’s soft skin and the sounds of the ocean in my ears so powerful that it’s almost reality, but my reaching hand is met with cold emptiness. Everything from the night before comes flooding back to me––the luxuriant afternoon in bed, the envelope and invitation from Johan, and then leaving Elise behind––and my heart sinks all over again.
“Fuck this,” I mutter, pulling the blanket over my head, hoping to shut it all out. The stuffiness of the blanket doesn’t help, and I throw it off, laying her and staring at the ceiling, feeling a mix of sadness and regret. Was I too hard on Elise? I can’t help but wonder if I made the right decision and if there’s any chance of going back. But deep down, I know it's too late. I close my eyes, trying to push the thoughts out of my mind and go back to sleep, but the emptiness next to me is a constant reminder of what I've lost.
I’ve just managed to doze into a fitful sleep when I hear tentative rapping on my bedroom door. When I call out to see what the issue is, my maid informs me that Elise is downstairs and I immediately feel a knot form in my stomach. I don't want to speak to her, so I ask the maid to send her away. Knowing that she is so close has my stomach churning and my pulse racing, and the urge to run downstairs and sweep her into my arms is almost irresistible, but I’m well aware that doing so is just a way to prolong my heartache.
I don’t know why I even thought for a second that Elise would listen and leave without issue. When the door slams open and the cause of all my anguish stomps into my room, dressed in a powder pink matching yoga set that leaves nothing to the imagination and her hair cascading around her shoulders like a river of gold, I feel like kicking myself.
Of course, she was going to storm in here, you idiot. This is Elise we’re talking about. How many times did she invite herself in and interrupt you when you were with Jessica? You know she doesn’t take no for an answer, I think ruefully, considering covering myself with the blanket once more.
There is a fire in Elise’s eyes, and determination is sizzling in the air around her as she plants her hands on her hips and looks straight at me.
“Dan,” she says simply, and the sound of my name on her lips goes directly to my heart… and my cock. To make matters worse, I slept naked last night––as always.
My maid, Felicity, is hovering behind Elise, wringing her hands nervously. “I’m sorry sir, she just––”
I hold up my hand. “It’s fine. Just go, and close the door behind you.”
She does as she’s told, leaving Elise and me alone. I rub my temples while she stalks to the edge of the bed, and lowers herself to sit on the edge. “Dan, look at me.” When I oblige, I find her eyes pleading with mine. “Please just listen to me. Then I’ll leave and you'll never have to see me again.”
I sigh. “Don’t be dramatic. Break up or not, you know we’re going to be in each other’s lives.”
“Are you going to hear me out or not?” she asks, ignoring me. I wave at her to go on, and Elise takes a deep breath before speaking.
“Dan, I know you're angry and hurt, but I need you to know that I never betrayed you. I'm giving Johan’s invitation to Hannah for her sixteenth birthday. I have no interest in going to England to be with him, even if it is at an equestrian show. He gave me that envelope before he left Capri, and I didn't know what to do with it.”
“That’s a convenient excuse,” I scoff, but I have to admit I’m curious about her choice to give the invite to Hannah. What better way to show Johan she’s not interested than to shackle him to her little sister instead? It’s almost funny, but I’m in no mood to laugh.
She pauses and looks at me with a mix of sadness and hopefulness in her eyes. “You know that we agreed that you would give me time and not force me to say those three words back until I was ready. But yesterday, you broke that agreement, and in doing so, broke my trust, too.”
I feel a pang of guilt, but I can't shake off the feeling of betrayal. “As if you’re one to talk about trust. You were hiding what equates to a love letter from your ex in your bedside table while fucking me in the bed right next to it! I thought you loved me, Elise,” I say, my voice cracking.
“Dan, I…” she replies, her voice barely above a whisper. "I just need more time."
I don't know what to say, so I remain silent, and Elise takes it as her cue to leave. She turns to go, but before she reaches the door, she adds, “Like I said, I’m giving Hannah the invitation, and I won't be going to England, even if you don’t forgive me. I want to be with you, Dan.”
“Wait,” I say, and she freezes with her hand on the knob. “Sit back down, El.”
She seems surprised, but does as I say, this time sitting closer to me, so she’s almost touching my outstretched legs beneath the blanket. I suck in a bracing breath and speak.
“Look… I was admittedly furious when I found that envelope, and that anger definitely clouded my judgment, but even now, with the air cleared between us for the most part, I still don’t know if you’re actually serious about me.” I exhale slowly, looking her in the eye. “Am I just a game to you, El?”
She looks at me with a pained expression, “You aren't. But it's not that easy for me to be so open about my feelings. Just yesterday my dad told me he loved me after years of not hearing it from him.” Conflicted emotion plays across her features, and I see her plucking at the fabric of my duvet with her fingers. This subject is making her supremely uncomfortable, but she soldiers on. “It’s not something my family says very often and it’s… well, It’s mostly seen as a sign of weakness.”
I can feel my anger dissipating as I realize the struggles she must have faced growing up in a family that doesn't express their emotions. I think of my loving parents––all of their hugs and emotional support throughout the years––and feel immense sorrow for this woman in front of me. Slowly, things start to make a lot more sense.
“They aren’t like your family,” El continues. “When Dad told me he loved me yesterday I thought for a brief moment that he had some hidden agenda when doing so, but I don’t think he could bethatcruel. I think his heart is starting to soften, but that doesn’t mean I can just change the way he raised me with a snap of my fingers. It will take longer than either of us want, but I can’t help it.”
“So, you're telling me that you can't even bring yourself to say you love me because of your emotionally repressed family?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady. She wanted to please Sebastian so much that she went so far as to be just as emotionally suppressed as he is. Poor El.
Elise nods, her eyes downcast. “It's not that I don't care about you, Dan. I just have a hard time expressing it with words. Especially after my dad said it to me for the first time in years, it's all so new and overwhelming,” she explains.
I let out a sigh, running a hand through my sleep-mussed hair. “I understand where you're coming from, but it still hurts. I want to be with someone who can be open and honest with me about their feelings.”
Elise looks up at me, her eyes big and full of understanding. “I know, and I’m sorry. I’ll work on it, I promise. But please, just give me that chance.”
