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“Yes, your majesty,” I answer after her. She’s already decided our plans for the evening and I haven’t even been able to get a word in edgewise. Not that I’m complaining.
In order to do her bidding, I need my phone, but it’s nowhere to be found in the bed or on the end tables by the bed. I wasn’t thinking about where my things were getting tossed as we got undressed earlier, so now I have to fumble through my discarded pants for my phone. I curse when I realize the battery is almost dead, searching in all the obvious places for a charger so I can make the Thai order, but I can’t find one anywhere. I call out to Elise, "Hey babe, do you know where your charger is?" but she doesn't hear me, lost in the sound of the shower.
I open the drawer of her bedside table, searching for a charger. But instead, I find an envelope with Elise’s name written in a looping scrawl on the front. I have no idea what’s inside, but for some reason, it feels like a stone weight settles in my gut at the sight of it. I have a really bad feeling about this.
My hands are strangely unsteady as I reach out and open it, hoping that my instincts are wrong, but those hopes are dashed as soon as I turn the glossy photograph over. It’s a copy of the photo of Johan and Elise––the same photo she has in her study––along with a VIP ticket to attend the “Horse of the Year Show”in England this October. I spy a small note as well which says, in that same handwriting as the envelope, “Let’s meet in England this fall.”
At first, all I feel is grief, heavy and dark as it settles over me, but in a flash, I’m livid, betrayal searing through my veins as I realize the truth. Johan’s words echo in my mind,"You're just a summer fling,"and I can now see why he left without caring much––he’s been playing the long game. He thinks by the fall, Elise will tire of me, and he will be able to come into the picture and sweep her off her feet. I am left speechless, my mind a jumbled mess as I try to process this revelation.Why didn’t she throw the invitation away? Why did she keep it tucked inside her bedside drawer?My head is spinning with so many questions, and my heart feels tight in my chest.
Without even me noticing, Elise comes back into the room, clad only in a silk robe that would have gotten all of my attention had I not been reeling, her voice light and carefree as she asks, “Did you already order? I'm starving.” But her smile falters as she sees the envelope in my hand. Without missing a beat, she explains, “He gave it to me before leaving, but that doesn't mean I intend to go.”
I stand up, my movements stiff and robotic as I start getting dressed. Elise tries to stop me, but I shrug her off. “Of course…” I mutter, my voice cold and distant.
Elise is talking, but it all sounds like static to my ears. She’s pulling at my arm, and then my sleeves, but all her begging falls on deaf ears, and I shrug her hands off me as I go to leave the apartment. I’m desperate for fresh air and a second to think. But as I reach for the door handle, she steps in front of me and locks it, trapping me in the room with her.
“You can’t leave until we talk,” she says firmly.
I spin around to face her, frustration reaching its boiling point. “I'm tired of your bullshit, El. It's clear you only see me as some summer fling. If you had no interest in him, you’d have thrown that envelope in the trash. But no…” I laugh darkly. “You kept it in your nightstand like it’s something precious. Something that you can’t bear to lose.”
“I just threw it in there when I unpacked my luggage! I didn’t know what else to do with it,” Elise sputters. “You’re looking way too far into something that really is nothing. You have to believe me!"
I shake my head, my heart heavy with disappointment. “I want to, El. I really do. As much as you’re fine sharing my bed, you still keep your heart closed off, and that makes it impossible to truly believe you. You still never told me you love me.Never.” I can hear my voice raising in volume so I close my eyes and tilt my head back, taking a few bracing breaths. “If you want me to believe you, look me in the eye and say you love me.”
As I stare into her eyes, the intensity of the moment takes over. I can see the irritation growing in Elise’s expression, a sign that she is still unable to tell me the words that I long to hear. She breaks eye contact, and I know then that she won’t, which tears at my heartstrings. I love her so much, more than I would think possible, and although I’ve tried to convince myself that I’m fine waiting for her to get on the same page as me, the glacial pace at which she’s moving is killing me slowly. I scoff, trying to brush past her and out the door, but Elise blocks me once more, fists clenched and fire in her eyes.
“You know what? Fuck you, Dan!" she snarls, her voice filled with anger. “I'm not going to be forced to say whatever you want to hear. We haven’t even been official for a full week yet, for fuck’s sake.”
But instead of succumbing to her rage, I remain calm, my voice steady as I speak. It takes everything inside of me to remain level, but I don’t want to fight with the woman I love, albeit one-sidedly. “Then let me go. If I cannot force you to love me, you cannot force me to stay.”
The weight of my words hangs heavily in the air as I wait for her response, but the silence that follows is deafening. I let myself go numb when the reality of the situation sinks in. Her silence is all the answer I need, and it feels like a knife to the heart.
Johan was right. She really doesn’t love me, I think almost frantically, the world slowly crumbling around me. My chest feels tight and my stomach is in knots as I try to hold back the emotions that are desperate to spill forth, but it's no use. The feeling is unbearable.
Elise is clearly still mad, but she freezes for a moment upon hearing my request, knowing that there is no way she can answer that will make me stay unless it’s an actual confession of love––which she is still so reluctant to give me. I take the key from her hand while she's still in shock, unlock the door of the room we had just spent hours sharing passion in, and then I leave, my heart heavy with pain.
As I reach the hallway, I pray that she will come running after me, begging for forgiveness, or finally admitting that she loves me but that doesn't happen. Maybe Elise really is an ice queen down to her core, and she just can’t break out of that role. Everyone has been telling me that I’m a fool for caring for her, and I’ve defended our relationship over and over again. Now what do I have to show for it?
With a rueful sense of irony, I am relieved that Andries doesn’t know anything about our relationship, given how brief it was. How many days did it even last? 2 days? I was a love-struck idiot to believe we could make it work. Me, hot-blooded and head over heels in love, and Elise as icy as a winter storm. Johan will always be in her mind and heart, and I cannot seem to shake him off. Maybe he’s the one that will thaw her out, but she’s made it crystal clear that I’m not the one. My heart is shattered, my soul in tatters, as I walk out of her apartment and maybe… gosh, maybe her life, for good.
As I walk out onto the sidewalk, keys in my hand, I spot none other than Sebastian himself getting out of his car. I have to do a double take, remembering how cruel Elise had said he was to her earlier. Why is he here now?
Despite how awful Elise has made me feel, I still bristle at the idea that he’s come to lecture her or tear her down more. I need to try and feel him out to see what his intentions are.
“Mr. Van den Bosch?” I call out to him, and he turns, eyebrows raising as he sees me and begins to cross the street to head over.
Once he reaches me, he holds out his hand for me to shake, and I oblique out of habit. “Oh, Dan, how are you?” Sebastian greets me, a hint of curiosity in his tone. “Is Elise upstairs?”
“She is, yes,” I respond, my heart heavy in my chest thinking about how I had just left her. “She didn’t mention that you were coming by, though.”
Sebastian looks abashed, rubbing the back of his head. It’s an odd look on such a self-assured man. “Ah… well. She doesn’t know that I’m coming, but I need to talk to her about some things. I might have been a little harsh with her earlier today, and I need to make amends.”
Surprise ripples through me. Has he really come here to apologize? I can barely believe it, but I’m also definitely not going to stay here to mediate. This is between father and daughter.
“I see. Well… she’s up there. I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you.”
“Great,” he seems to brighten. “How was Capri? Did you enjoy it?”
All the memories I made with his daughter flicker across my thoughts. “Yeah, it was wonderful.”
