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“Are we?” he replies, his voice uncertain.
I’m quiet for a moment, unsure of how to respond. Dan then says, “If you were my girlfriend, I wouldn't hide anything from your brother. But since that's not the case, let's behave in public.”
I nod in agreement, but my heart aches with the knowledge that we have to keep our relationship a secret. I wish we could be open about it, but for now, I'll have to settle for stolen moments like these. Really, it’s my fault for being such a coward about my intense feelings for the man beside me, and how much I want him in every way.
I am torn between my feelings for Dan and the fear of losing our close bond. I am uncertain whether to take the risk and tell him that I want us to be officially together. But I remind myself that being together means a potential heartbreak, and I am not ready to be vulnerable again. “Dan, I need time,” I finally tell him, my voice trembling with emotion. “I know I'm being difficult, but I need time to process everything."
He looks at me with understanding and nods once. “I know. Take all the time you need.” Dan then sighs, sitting up and stretching his arms above his head. “I’m going to go check on our favorite melodramatic poet and make sure he’s feeling alright after dinner.” I see his eyes drift down my body, over the pale gold bikini I’m wearing and the way my skin, covered in tanning, glimmers in the dying light of the day. “Well, um, see you later.”
“See you later,” I say, voice husky as I look up at him through my lashes.
I can tell he wants to say something more, but his eyes drift over to the pool, where Robin and Lili have arrived and are sitting on the edge, quietly talking to each other, and Dan shakes his head to dispel whatever dirty thoughts were starting to rise. He kisses me quickly on the corner of my mouth and leaves to find my brother, and I lay back down with a sigh.
Left alone again, I reflect on all the good moments I spent with Dan and wonder if loving him and being in a relationship with him would jeopardize our friendship. My mind races as I try to make sense of my feelings. Full of uncertainty and fear, as I am not sure if I am ready to take such a big step and open myself up to the possibility of heartbreak. I am afraid of losing him, but I am also afraid of losing myself in the process. The thought of it all is overwhelming and I am at a crossroads, unsure of which path to take.
I know I love Dan as more than just a friend, but the thought of potentially breaking up and never talking to him again fills me with dread. As the sun starts to set over the terrace of our villa, casting a warm glow on everything, I make up my mind to retire to my room for the night.
My nighttime routine gives my thoughts plenty of time to wander, and my shower seems almost lonely. I wish it were Dan’s hands washing me, his fingernails scraping across my scalp as he washed my hair, but it isn’t meant to be. The two of us have been with one another during any spare moment of time, and I sort of feel like I’m becoming addicted to his company… to his touch. I need to hit the brakes on everything or I’ll be absolutely miserable back home when he’s not around.
The memory of Dan’s invitation to sleep with him tugs at my mind, unbidden, and the temptation is too powerful. Feeling his body against mine is a desire that I can’t so easily brush away. I slip into my nightwear and make my way to his bedroom, my heart pounding with anticipation.
As I enter, I see him lying in bed, his chest rising and falling with each breath. I hesitate for a moment, not wanting to disturb him, but the pull of being close to him is too strong. I slip into the bed beside him, and as the mattress dips under my weight, he startles awake. Once when he sees it's me, he pulls me close, pinning me against his body. His breath is warm on my skin as he mumbles a small, “I love you,” still half asleep.
Through the open curtains moonlight pours in, bathing our bodies in a silvery glow as I lay there in his arms, feeling safe and content. I smile as I let myself be lulled to sleep by the sound of his breathing and the gentle sway of the trees outside.
17
Dan
I’man early riser most mornings, wanting to take a quick run or enjoy my tea with the rising sun by myself, but this morning is a little different. There is a soft, warm, sweet-smelling woman in my arms, and she is precious to me beyond measure. Elise pressed up against me as I float to consciousness is a fantasy I have had many times, but today I actually get to bury my face in her hair and inhale as she wiggles against me.
It wasn’t just a dream. She really did crawl into bed with me last night. Not for sex or any sort of physical release, but just because she wanted to be near me. The feeling is mutual, and I squeeze her tightly.
Elise sighs, but doesn’t stir, content to sleep the morning away. I stare up at the ceiling, my mind racing with thoughts of her. Why can't she be mine? We have such a strong connection, the chemistry between us is undeniable. But every time I try to bring up the subject of taking our relationship to the next level, she avoids answering directly and changes the subject.
As I replay our recent interactions in my head, I feel a sense of frustration and longing. The more we spend time together, the more I realize how much I want her to be my girlfriend. The way her eyes light up when she laughs, the way she fits perfectly in my arms, it all feels like it’s meant to be.
But then a wave of doubt washes over me. Maybe she doesn’t feel the same way. Maybe I'm reading too much into things. Maybe she’s just using me for physical pleasure. The thought makes my heart ache, even as my mind insists that it’s impossible. She has proven, with her actions if not her words, that shedoeslove me. There’s just some disconnect between her heart and mind that is making it impossible for her to verbalize.
I crane my neck and glance at the clock. It's still early, and I know she's going to sleep for a while if I let her. When Elise sighs, pressing her backside into my hips, I can't help but wonder if she's dreaming of me, or if I'm just a temporary satisfaction. The thought of losing her is too much to bear, and I know I have to find a way to either make this thing between us completely official or let her go once and for all.
Unacceptable,I think.She’s mine, and nothing can change that. She just needs to admit the truth.
Elise makes a sighing noise that I swear I’ve heard her make during sex before, and it snaps me out of my heavy thoughts, making me rock hard in an instant. I sleep in the nude, and I can feel the silk of her tiny nightgown against the head of my manhood, and all my thoughts flee. Carefully, I twirl her hair around my fist and move it to the side, kissing the back of her now-bare neck and shoulders until I feel her stirring. Elise hums in contentment, and when I can tell that she’s truly awake, I grasp her chin and turn her head just enough to seal my mouth over hers.
With eyes still lidded and heavy from sleep, Elise looks rumpled and soft. Her lips are warm against mine, and despite her drowsiness, she returns my kisses with enthusiastic swipes of her tongue. We make out lazily, our bodies touching from head to toe. My hips unconsciously know the rhythm to thrust against her and make her begin to whimper with pleasure as my cock presses against her core in a mimicry of what’s about to come.
I have no idea how much time passes, but when Elise starts to pant between kisses, pushing her ass back against me impatiently, I begin to push her nightgown up her body. My need is frantic, but I have enough self-control to take it slow, kissing and nipping at her full lips and stroking my tongue over hers until I can sense her trembling with need. Then I push the gown up the last few inches, and finally, the head of my cock can feel the smoothness of her skin, painting it with precum.
We don’t exchange any words, which makes it that much hotter somehow, using only body language and the music of our labored breaths and sighs to signal to one another what we need. What is between Elise and I needs no words, our bodies and souls align perfectly without them.
I take her leg and pull it up and over my own, keeping us in the spooning position but opening her up to me just enough to slide my cock between the wet folds of her pussy. Elise is ready for me, and the hot tightness of her channel sheathes my cock––every inch taking effort with how snug the fit is––until I hit home deep within her. She throws her head back on my shoulder and moans, a shudder of pure pleasure running through her as I press my hand against her belly and hold her body tight to me, pushing in and out with controlled movements, never fully leaving the tight grip of her pussy. How did I ever live without this? Without her, and this connection?
The way her pussy tightens each time I push deep, or bite the sensitive skin of her neck, makes me feel almost feral, and the way she responds with her whole body when my mouth captures hers makes me even more so.
One of her hands lands on mine where it’s still pressed into her belly, and she boldly pushes it downwards until it’s between her legs. I know what she wants without having to ask, parting her nether lips and circling her clit, making her buck in my arms and speak the first word of the morning––my name, cried out like a prayer.
“Dan!”
