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Ilove him.Doesn’the love me back?
19
Luke
I’mnot sure if the silence, or the aches, are what woke me.Byfour a.m.,IknewIwasn’t getting out of bed.Canheartache make you physically sick?I’mcertain it has done just that.Iache all over, butI’mnot sure what hurts more, my soul or my body.Eitherway,Idon’t care if there is shitIneed to do.Ican’t.
ItextRandy, and he responds for me not to worry that he will take care of everything.Ishould probably give him a bonus, a raise, or something.Hewill probably bring his nephew to help.Hedoes sometimes.MaybeIshould hire more help.Myheart isn’t in being a rancher anyway.Thisranch does nothing but crush my soul.
Ugh, my head hurts.Itis too difficult to think.I’mtoo tired.Mythoughts swim aroundEvan, which leads me to think ofRachel.I’mpositive something happened between her andEvanfor him to come here so vulnerable and emotional that he was willing to give in to his desires.Isend her a text too, butIam so fucked upIonly send the word“sick”.Ishould tell her not to come over.Honestly,Ican’t face her right now.
Whenit starts raining, the sound makes me drowsy.It’sdaylight, but still dark.Ihope it rains all day and night.Ineed the sky to cry all the tearsIdon’t have the energy to shed.Itmakes it easier to rest, andI’mthankful when it finally lulls me to sleep.
* * *
Somethingstirs and wakes me from the delirious dreamsI’mhaving.Whateverthey were about, they are lost asIopen my eyes.
“You’reburning up,Luke.”
Rachel?Whendid she get here?
“Freezing,”Imumble.
Thebed shifts, and her soft hand touches around my face. “Ineed you to sit up and take something for the fever.Youneed to drink.Ican make some lemonade.Doesthat sound good?”
Sheis so damn sweet.Itmakes me sad suddenly, asIrealize how muchImiss her.Inod asIslowly sit up.Thecovers fall, sending a violent chill through my body.Itake the two pills in her outstretched hand and the glass of water.Assoon asIswallow them down,Ipull the covers to my chin and slide back down.
Hersoft lips press against my temple as her fingers lift away the hair sticking to my clammy skin. “I’llbe back with lemonade and soup.I’mbringingOliviawith me so we can be here if you need anything.”
Igrab her hand as it moves away. “Don’t.I’mokay.I’msorry,Ican’t keepOso you can run your errands.Maybeif she’s napping?Later…”Damn,Isound as tired asIfeel.
“I’mgoing to take care of you.Ican takeOliviawith me, you know.Doyou need anything beforeIgo back to the house?She’snapping, soIdon’t want to be away too long.”
Iam fucking freezing!“Blanket.”
“Yeah,I’llbring a couple of quilts from the house.Yourshirt is wet with sweat, probably chilling you more.”Shemoves away.
Ihear her searching in one of the drawers of my bureau before she comes back and lays clothes over my legs.
“Doyou want my help getting changed?”
Iscowl at her. “I’mnot helpless.”
“Iknow that, but you are sick.”
Iwant to say something to joke or tease, butIdon’t have the heart. “I’lltake care of it.Needto piss anyway.”
Isit up again and let one of my feet drop to the floor.
“Okay.Ifyou think of anything you want beforeIreturn, text me.”
“Rachel?”
Sheturns with her hand on the doorknob. “Hmmm?”
“Thankyou.”
“Youdon’t have to thank me,Luke.YouandItake care of one another.We’reall we have, especially now.”Shemumbles the last two words.Noexplanation is needed.Itonly confirms that something happened.
