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Ichug down half the bottle of beer.I’monly capable of shaking my head. “I’mleaving forChicago, and that’s all that matters.”
“Whatabout your girlfriend inJackson?Yourdad let that one slip whenImentioned you kept looking over your shoulder when we were there for lunch.Wereyou worried she’d show up?”
Myentire body is tense.Myknuckles and jaw ache asIbear down. “IfItell you everything will you stop with the endless questions?”
IknowIcan trust her.Ialso know she would be the last to judge.MomandDadare always whispering about her escapades, soIthink this whole thing is not so far off her realm of possibilities.
“Promise.”
“Youhave to tell me some things first,”Ibargain.
“Shoot.I’man open book.”I’mso jealous of her confidence.
“Isit true that you sleep around?”
Shelaughs.NowthatI’vesaid it out loud, it does sound like a juvenile question.
“Ah,I’mconvinced your mother talks about everyone because she’s jealous.DoIsleep with whomeverIwant, whenIwant?Yes,Evan.DoIsleep with every manIcome across?No.Itis true,Idon’t have relationships, but that’s becauseIdon’t want to.Ilike my freedom.SomethingIdid not have growing up here, andIimagine you know exactly whatImean.”
Nodoubt about that.
“Anythingelse you want to know?” she asks, completely at ease.Itisn’t fair.
NothingI’mbrave enough to ask. “Weall love each other.Wewere in a relationship untilRachelrealized she was pregnant.Sincethe baby isWyatt’s,Lukecalled things off, and that’s where we stand.”
Hereyebrows shoot up. “Polyamorous?Wow!Iwas not expecting that.Colorme impressed.”
Ifrown. “Whatis that?”
Sheleans closer and touches my face. “Relationshipsbetween more than one person at the same time.”
Ididn’t know there was a word for it.Ican’t believe it actually.Somaybe it isn’t as uncommon asIthought.
“Didyou fuck her?”
“Damnit!Whydo you just ask stuff out right like that?”
Shelaughs at my discomfort. “BecauseEvan, we’re adults, and neither of us is naïve enough to believe that human beings should only desire the opposite sex.Becauseno one in this town is going to be honest with you.Mostly, because you need to talk to someone.Nowonder you’re bursting at the seams to leave.Ifit would make you feel better,Ihave a good friend inNewYork.Heisn’t bisexual, but he is gay.I’msure he’d be happy to listen, talk with you about what you’re having to deal with, about learning how to be honest with yourself.”
“Idon’t want to talk to a stranger.Allthis will get better.Thingswill be easier inChicago.”
“Ihate to tell you, but eventually this will come out.Thereare too few people. and too many eyes and ears in this town, whether you’re inChicagoor not.”
“Trustme,Iknow,”Iseethe.
“You’llfeel better once you finally admit your true self to the world, nephew.”
Ishake my head. “No.Ican’t.Theywouldneverunderstand.Theywould hate me.”Shedoesn’t refute me, which only cements my feelings about howMomandDadwould react. “Ican’t be withLuke.Ican’tbethis way either.Iwon’t.It’sa phase.”
“Evan, promise me you won’t shove this part of you away.Itisnotwrong.Youshould have the life, and lovers, you want.Promiseyou’ll accept all that you are when you move away.Donot let them keep you from being happy.”
“Theywon’t.”Becausethey’ll never know.I’mdetermined to fix this.Everythingis going to be alright.
Shesighs, and it’s with sadness.Sheleans over and takes me in her arms for a hug. “I’llalways support you.I’llalways be here.Whenthis does come out,I’llstand beside you.”
“Itwon’t.”
Shesqueezes me tighter. “IfRachelandLukelove you back, don’t throw that away.Thisisn’t only about you.Breakingyour heart means breaking theirs as well.”Leaningback, she looks over my face and smiles. “Ilove you,Evan.Nothingwill change that.”
