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“LikeIjust gave birth to a bowling ball.”
Hehisses through his teeth and tenses.
“Sit.”Inod toward the foot of the bed, and he sits.
Hishand runs the length of my leg, finally settling to massage my foot.
“Thisis so strange,”Imuse.
“Havingher in your arms instead of your belly?”
Islide the back of my finger over her round cheek.Sheis so much pinker than before, and her dark hair is sticking up.Itwaves gently with the slightest stir in the air.
“Thattoo.This!Itjust feels weird.”
“I’lltake your word for it,” he says.
“Mmm, that feels so good!”Helifts my foot into his lap and continues massaging me.
“I’msorry,” he says with contrition.
“Forwhat?”Iask.
“Icould have stayed with you.Ishould have removed my balls from inside my body and been here for you.”
Ilook at him a little confused. “Youwere here.Youcame as soon asIcalled.You’rehere now.”
“No,ImeanIshould have held your hand, talked you through the pain, or let you squeeze my hand numb.”
“It’sfine.I’ma nurse.Iknow not everyone is cut out for witnessing the nitty gritty.”
“Youneeded me, butIchickened out.Idon’t know what happened.Itall felt so overwhelming like it had me nailed to the floor and afraid to move.Therewere so many people in here, andIwas afraidImight slip up and reveal too much.ButIalso felt lost.Ididn’t know what to do.”
Ireach out my free hand, and he takes it.Isqueeze it. “Luke.”Iwait until he looks at me to continue. “Ionly wanted you to do, and be, wherever you felt comfortable.”
“Ifeel likeI’vefailed you.”
“Failedme?Doyou see yourself right now?You’vebeen holding a newborn whileIslept, and now you’re rubbing my feet whileInurse.Thisis whatIneed,Luke.Ineed you when all the nurses and doctors are gone, and it’s just us in our house.”
“Ipromise,I’llbe there.Iwas thinking thatI’llmove back into the house.Ican help if she wakes up in the middle of the night.Justtell me what you need me to do, andI’llbe there, every time.”
Unbiddentears stream down my face.
“Hey!”Hescoots closer resting one hand on the crown of her head and the other cradling my cheek. “Don’tcry.Ididn’t mean to upset you.”
Ilaugh through the tears.Hesmiles tentatively. “I’mnot upset.I’mfalling more in love with you.”
Hischeeks flush.Iknow,I’venot only embarrassed him, butI’veunearthed the invisible barrier he has built around himself. “Ilove you too, babe.Isit me or does it feel like the world just got turned upside down?” he asks.
Inod and blubber like an idiot.Hehands me a tissue which only causes me to cry more.ThisdisturbsOlivia, andIhave to force myself to calm down and focus on her.
“They’vebeen feeding you water.Wantme to go grab you aDr.Pepperand someCheetos?” he asks with a smirk.
“I.Love.You.”
Helaughs and squeezes my hand.
“Butshouldn’t you be getting home?Itfeels like it’s late.”
