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Ihang my head as tears pour down my face.
“I’vedone nothing except think the entire timeI’vebeen gone,” he continues.
“AshaveI.”
Hereaches around and splays his large hand over my belly.Thewarmth is comforting but threatens to destroy me.Damn, howIhave missed his touch.
“Ican’t be your lover while you’re carrying my father’s child.”
Mycrying turns into sobs as he wraps his arms around me from behind as if that could keep me from falling into a million pieces.Iwish it could because it would be easier than trying to hold my emotions together.Inod and lick at the tears soaking my lips. “Iknow.Iget it.”
WhenIfeel his body slide down mine,Iwhip around to find him on his knees.Hegrasps my hands, encompassing them in his.Hiseyes are wet and glassy.Helooks so hurt and desperate.
“Please, little peach, please tell me it’s mine—orEvan’s…anyone’s but his!”Hisforehead drops to our joined hands, andIsputter asIweep over him. “Letit be mine.Letit be mine.Thatwe’re going to be okay.Please!”
Hisbegging makes my knees buckle, but he catches me.
“You’retoo young to have a baby.”Iblurt, not even sure what is coming out of my mouth.WhatshouldIsay?WhatcanIdo to make this right?
Withhis mouth pressed to my temple, he grits out. “Notif it’s with you.Iwant you, and only you, to carry my babies,Rachel.Forthe love of all that’s holy, tell me this baby is ours.Idon’t care if you lie to me,I’llnever question you.”
Apain so fierce splits my heart like a lightning strike.Icry out, andLukemolds my body to his.
Ican’t say the things he wants me to say.Itwould be easy to lie and tell him it is his baby so we could be together the way we need, but it would be wrong.Itis gut-wrenching.
Thescreen door opens and closes softly.Evanmust be watching asLukeandIgrieve and weep in each other’s arms.Itfeels like forever, and yet no time at all.
WhenIfeelEvan’shand slide over my hair,Ilook up atLuke.Togetherwe turn our gazes toEvan.Heis touching the both of us, trying to soothe the pain.Hisfierce blue eyes meetLuke’s, and he jerks his head toward the hallway.
“Youstink.Goget cleaned up.”
Lukelooks back at me.Ourhands are still clasped so firmly that my fingers ache.
“I’lltake care of her.It’smy job now,”Evansays with authority.
Lukesteals himself and lowers my hands.Hepins me with his furrowed stare, wounding me anew.
“I’msorry,”Ibreathe out with force.
Hisfingers brush along my face, over my lips, and through my hair.
“Metoo.”Hisvoice has a hard finality to it, andIrealize it’s because we’ll never discuss this again.Ihad the opportunity to change the truth, to make everything right, butIcouldn’t lie.
Evansteps between us asLukerises to his feet.Hepulls me up into his arms, then lifts me up.Evantakes me to my room, and after laying me down on the bed, he pulls off his boots and joins me.
“It’sover,”Imumble against his neck.
“Iknow.Heended things with me too.Itried,Rachel.Itried to give him more.Idid give him more, and it was everything and more thanIever imagined.Itwasn’t enough though, andI’mafraid we’ve both lost him forever.”
Iwant to fade away.Notdie, necessarily.Ijust want not tobefor a while.Idon’t want to feel.Ineed to be numb.
“Stay,”Iplead.
Hekisses my face before wrapping his body around mine. “Ican stay tonight, but thenIhave to go home.”
Inod, thankful for the small gift of not sleeping alone.Ilet go and cry until my entire body aches untilIcan cry no more.
8
