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Isit up. “Good?”
“That’swhatIsaid,” he teases.
Ipinch his side, and he swats my hand away, which only encourages me to do it again, twisting his skin between my thumb and finger.
“Ouch!Motherfucker!Thathurts!”
“It’ssupposed to because you need to remember thatI’malwaysgood!”Ideclare.
“Onlywhen you’re sucking my cock.”
Ifreeze as the comment hangs in the wind, waiting to see which way it teeters.Itis either a painful blow or friendly ribbing.Inarrow my eyes at him as his widen.
"Ohno, baby.Youhave no idea all the thingsI'mexceptionally good at.Wantme to show you?"
Hisentire face softens with his wide smile. "Haveto catch me first!"
Withthat, he slips out of my hold, and gives chase back to the camp.Iwatch him for a few seconds, and then fall back into the grass.Myeyes close asIsoak in the feeling, and just for a moment,Iimagine all the thingsIcould do after chasing him down and capturing him.Idon’t follow him though.Thetemptation is too great.Ican’t let a moment of joy leave me weak.
Iopen my eyes and stare at the sky as a tear leaks down my face.Inmy head,I’masking all the why questions, butIdon’t want the answers.Ionly want everything to rewind back to when the three of us were in bed together, and my heart felt full.Mentally,Icurse the beginning of another year of my life because now, it’s bleak and lonely.Whatcould be worse than being surrounded by the people you love most, but never being able to express your most intimate feelings with them?
Witha deep breath to strengthen my resolve,Ifinally get to my feet and walk back to the camp.Evanis wearing his jeans now and making coffee.Walkingpast him,Ireturn to the tent to dress, but my heart is not in it asIfumble with the buttons of my jeans.Suddenly, everything hurts worse than before, and it makes me angry.
“Coffee’sready!” he shouts.
Withmy shirt in my hands,Iemerge from the tent and stand just outside, watching him.Hisback is turned to me.Sadnesssmothers me all over again, leaving me feeling weary. “Iwant to go home.”
Idon’t know why, but it’s howIfeel.Ineed something familiar.Iwant my bed, even if it is empty.
Evanlooks over his shoulder at me with a frown on his face. “Now?”
“Now.”
Hestands and approaches me with a cup of coffee.Whileit smells good, it doesn’t tempt me.Itmakes me feel sick instead.
“ButIthought we were going to spend the day here…to celebrate.Forgeteverything, and have a good day.”
“Thereis nothing to celebrate, not this year at least.Idon’t feel it, and nothing you orRachelcan do will destroy the rock sitting on my chest.”
Hishead drops, but he nods once. “Okay, but this isn’t howImeant for things to go.”
Ipull on my shirt and pat him on the shoulder. “Iknow.Let’sgo home and have a real breakfast and decent coffee.Whatdo you say?”
Hishand wraps around my wrist. “I’msorry,Luke.”
Iswallow the lump that instantly forms in my throat. “Metoo, little brother.”
Butit’s over.
Allof it is over, and no amount of wishing and hoping will change that.
* * *
RACHEL
I’vebeen sitting on the back porch since the sun came up.Realistically, they won’t be home until much later, but there is no other placeI’drather be.I’vebeen planningLuke’sbirthday dinner all week.Mostof the foodIhave planned is prepped, waiting to be cooked.Imade too much food, butI’vebeen stir crazy.Ididn’t work all weekend, planning to go camping with them.Instead,I’vebeen alone in this house that is so empty, it’s scary at night.Thenight it rained,Iliterally hid under the covers in bed.Luke’sbed.
God,Imiss him.
