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Evanreaches across and glides the back of his finger across my lips. “Becauseyou have called to me since the first timeImet you.Yourbody sings to me, luring me to touch it.Idon’t know ifIcan do this—stop being with you.Maybeit isLuke’sdamn choice to not be with you, butI’mnot sureIcan stop myself.”
Itake his hand and kiss his knuckles before curving his palm around my cheek. “Wecan be honest with him.Hestill loves us.Maybehe wants to redraw the boundaries for his own safety, butIdon’t think his intent would be to keep us apart if we need one another.”
Hemoves his hand to take mine as he picks up his fork with the other.Heeats while holding my hand.Icaress his fingers, open his hand and rub tenderly.
“Ilove you,” he says after a few minutes.
Ilook up and attempt to smile. “Ilove you too.Ialways will, regardless of what happens between the three of us.Evenif you move away,I’llalways love you.”
Hegrimaces at the mention of him leaving.Youwould think life was so simple when it came to being with the ones you love, that you give up everything to be with them every possible second, but it’s not that easy.Evanneeds to be away from his family so he can be the man he’s meant to be.Ihave to stay here and figure out how to be a mom and take care of a tiny human.
Luke?Lukehas to figure out what he is willing to have or sacrifice.Doesn’tmean we don’t love each other.Doesn’tmean we don’t need each other like our next breath.
“Ihate this,”Iadmit.
Hishand squeezes mine. “Metoo.”Hesets his fork down, most of his food eaten. “Ifit’s okay,I’dlike to go ahead and get started.Ineed him just as much asIneed you, andIhaven’t seen him in almost a week.”
Ipull my hands away, crossing my arms over my chest once again.Inod. “Iwant you to get to him as quickly as possible.Willyou bring him home on his birthday?Istill want to let him know how muchIlove him on one of the most important days in his life.”
“Cakeand balloons?”Evanjokes.
“No, just…”Itake a deep breath. “Ijust want to be able to hug him and tell him how muchIlove him.”
Evanstands and takes his plate to the sink.Hereturns and wraps his hands around my face, tipping it up to look into his eyes. “I’llbring him home.We’llboth make sure he knows how much we love him, on his birthday and every day.”
Ifall against him and wrap my arms around his waist.Heruns his fingers through my hair over and over.Itfeels so incredible, intimate, and comforting.
“IfIthought he’d be okay with it,I’dtake you with me.”
Hiswords are sobering.Ipull away then and take a deep breath. “Pleasego beforeIdecideIam coming whether you want me to or not.”
“Okay, darling.”Heleans down and gives me a chaste kiss. “Takecare of yourself.We’llbe home onSunday.”
Hedoesn’t look back as he puts his hat on his head and leaves.Istand in the doorway watching him gather his things from the truck and then unload his horse from the trailer.Idon’t take my eyes off him until he disappears into the dark, knowing full well that my heart is going with him.
* * *
EVAN
Thesky slowly turns into flames of light and clouds.Theclouds are wide bands of orange and pink, and until the sun peeks over the mountain, the land is as black as coal.Itis magnificent.I’munder the shadow of the mountain where it is still cooler, and the trail is dark.Thereis just enough glow from the sky to show me the way down the pass toShadowThorneCove.Lukegave it the name, otherwise,Idon’t think this place has an actual name.Notsure who owns this land, but the acreage is in the thousands.Itisn’t posted, and there are no fences.Whoeverowns it, probably doesn’t even know that people hunt and camp out here.Maybethey just don’t care.IfIhad the money,Iwould buy it, and the acres aroundShadowThorne, forLuke.Iknow in his heart of hearts this is where he wants to live and spend his days.
Ilet my thoughts wander, dreaming of ‘what ifs' and wonderful things.ButI’mriding into the unknown when only a few days ago everything felt gloriously real and clear.LukeandRachelmake me feel alive, and whileIwant to cling to that, it still scares me.Losingthem both scares me even more.
Icross theCascadeRiverupstream a bit, where it’s shallow, before riding across the wide-open field to the base of the mountain.Theilluminated trees surrounding the cove are the first thingIsee.AsIapproach, the fire that lights them from below flickers in the early morning light.Ikick the horse to move a little faster as my heartbeat picks up.Asense of relief floods over me whenImake out his form next to the fire.ThreeAspentrees surround his camp and the outcropping of rocks.Spiritis resting nearby.
AsIapproach,Isee him turn toward me.Ifeel his eyes on me, even though the flames are only illuminating his jawline, leaving his face dark.Hedoesn’t stand or come to greet me.Spiritraises her head and whinnies towardShadow, who responds in kind.IpatShadowbeforeIclimb down.Lukeis sitting by the fire with a steaming cup of coffee in his hand.
“Didn’thappen to bring any cream with you, did you?” he asks.
Ismile and shake my head. “Noteven a hello?”
“Hey,” he says with little emotion.
Itake a deep breath, calling forth my brave side.Helooks back at the flames of the fire and sips the coffee.
WalkingaroundShadow,Iopen one of the saddle bags and search for somethingIbrought for him.Ihad a feeling in his rush to leave that morning, he didn’t get everything he needed to take with him.WhenIfind it,Iwhistle to get his attention.Lukelooks up, andItoss it to him.Hecatches it with one hand before inspecting it.
“Ifucking love you!” he says as he pops open the container of powdered creamer and dumps some into his cup.
