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FIFTEEN
SPENCER
I was wrong about the baby shop. Whatever is happening inside my head now, this is hell. It hurts like ten men with sledgehammers are hammering away on my temples and I can’t swallow because my mouth is as dry as the desert I live in. I roll over and there’s a warm body beside me. “Athena, get off the bed.” I moan. Damn dog. I hate when she gets on the bed. But she barks, and I open my eyes. Athena is next to the bed, and the warm—very naked—body beside me is Luna.
What in the fucking hell is going on? I pinch the bridge of my nose, fighting the pain in my head and hoping when I open my eyes that I am hallucinating.
I am not.
Luna is in my bed, naked, and we definitely had sex—a lot. My body and a few flashes of mixed up, hangover memories come to me. I had sex with Luna, and it was fucking amazing. She moves and drapes her arm over my chest, her hands landing right where my heart is about to pounce out of my ribcage. It’s beating so fast.
Is that a ring on her finger?A big fat diamond one.It’s onthatfinger.
Think Spencer, what happened last night?Whiskey, lots of whiskey. The Blaire-Bitch-Project was there. I kissed Luna.
I know we had sex, then…then…shit, shit, shit. That is a heavy metal band of wedding ring on my finger too. I spin it around with my thumb. It’s uncomfortable and alien on my hand.I married my sister’s best friend!This cannot be real, why would I marry Luna?
How did this happen? I’m hyperventilating but trying to do it quietly and not wake her because if I wake her, then this will be real. Then I have to talk to her. The panic is suffocating me, and I can’t breathe. My sister will kill me. There are rules, sibling rules.
She made the rules when we were younger when she caught me looking at Luna in a bikini—I never looked at her again. Now I have seen her, all of her. Naked Luna is in my bed! Audrey told me she’d kill me if I ever kissed any of her friends, and I believed her. She’s going to be so mad at both of us. Why did I drink? Why did I even go out at all? Luna, and her damn pushy attitude and how she makes me do things. This is her fault.
I don’t go out. I hate people, parties and women like Blaire who always make me feel less than. I’m alone because I want to be—now I am married. This isn’t going to end well. I just know it. My lifestyle is a choice to prevent disasters like this from happening to me.
The dog barks again, probably wanting food, and Luna moves around. Her naked body drapes over me now, legs tangled in mine. Soft, flawless skin, wild curly hair, and every ounce of her oozes sex appeal even in her sleep.
“We got hitched,” she mumbles, her eyes still closed. “I am a wife.” She chuckles, and something in me snaps. I don’t know why I did this, but I cannot. I push her off of me, and sit up in the bed, clambering for bed covers to keep her from seeing that I have an erection.
“It’s not funny, Luna!” I bite out at her, failing to see the humor in it the way she does. “I can’t marry you! Are you insane? This is a massive mistake!” Luna pulls away from me, covering herself with a pillow because I have the sheet. “We made a mistake,” I whisper, my stomach in knots. I feel sick at realizing what we did, and the hangover isn’t helping at all. I look at her, and I know what I just said hurt her.
The usually sunshiny smile fades from her face, and the glint of mischief is gone from her eyes. Luna looks like she might cry but fights to stop her tears. She doesn’t say anything, just looks at me as if she’s waiting for me to take it back. I can’t do that—this is a mistake. “You are my sister’s friend, you work for me. This can’t be real. We drank too much and made a giant mistake.” I keep talking and she stays silent. I want her to say something—anything at all. “Luna?” I’m trying to fix this, but I think I made it worse.
I watch her swallow, and then she stares at me before she says, “Mistakes don’t happen, Spencer, nothing is a mistake. That’s a weak excuse, even for you. But way to make me feel like utter shit. You didn’t think it was a mistake when you woke up and fucked me earlier. Only now?” Luna is angry, hot tears spill down her cheeks as she raises her voice.
“Fuck you, Spencer. You are the biggest asshole. I really fell for drunk you. But this version of you, you can shove. I don’t make mistakes, Spencer, I follow my gut, and my heart. They both said yes to you.” She rips at the sheets, getting out of the bed, leaving me exposed and naked, and utterly without words.
“You might not have feelings, but the people around you do. You hurt them all the time.” She’s not holding back now, and maybe I deserve her rage.
I married her in a drunk, lust fueled moment.
I married the girl yelling at me.
“Unlike you Spencer, I don’t wake up with regrets in the morning. I am so sorry I was a giant mistake.” She cries angry tears, and shouts at me from a safe distance that I can’t touch her, or say how sorry I am. “Feed the dog. I am taking the day off.” She spins around and storms out of the room, leaving me there alone. Athena stares at me, making the guilt worse. I don’t chase Luna. She needs time to calm down. I’m sure she’ll be back when she has thought about things and that she will agree with me.
A door slams downstairs, and Athena barks at me before she bolts out of the room. Luna has left. That sound physically hurt me––not my head, but my heart. It feels as if a meat cleaver has sliced through it. Last night I got caught up in how amazing she looked and how I felt with her. It was this strange fairytale effect, and now I am back in reality, and I don’t know what is real.
My head is spinning, and so is my room—I need a coffee, a shower, and a minute to sort out the mess inside my head. The dog is howling in the kitchen because no one has fed her. Before I can care for myself, I have to shut her up. I stagger downstairs and put some kibbles in her bowl. She looks up at me, and stares. “What?” I find myself talking to her a lot lately. “I can’t be with Luna. That’s madness. Even if I want to.”
I want to. It hits me like a three am freight train, full force, no stopping. I want to be with her…part of me asked her to marry me because I want her. Practical Spencer, the one that isn’t interested in heartache and complicated things, knows that would be the worst thing for him. Being with her is not safe. She’s a free spirited, crazy, gorgeous, younger woman. She could have any man, and she’ll leave me when she gets sick of me and my quirks and weird ways. Luna would hurt me—that’s what happens with women.
After a shower, a hangover cocktail from the local pharmacy, and some greasy food, I feel almost human. It’s already late, the whole day gone, and I haven’t heard from Luna, or Audrey, which means she didn’t tell my sister yet. Maybe they have the same rule, and she won’t tell. I can fix this, and Audrey doesn’t need to know a thing.
I can fix this.
* * *
When the sky is black, and Luna still isn’t home or answering my calls, I start to worry that she might never return. “Where is she?” I ask the dog, who is in my spot on the recliner. “It’s late.” I know she gave up her apartment, so she has nowhere to go really. Maybe I must call my sister, but then I’d need to explain why Luna is missing—I am not ready for that conversation yet.
My anxiety is making it hard to stay still. I keep checking the time, and my phone. The memories of what happened are filtering back as my hangover clears, and the more they do, the angrier I am at myself. I lost control and allowed myself to indulge in whatever we felt. Luna never stopped me. She didn’t even hesitate when I suggested we get married. Who does that?
