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She grabbed my arm and marched me around the coffee counter.
“Standing ten feet away from him doesn’t create privacy,” I observed.
“Shut up. You are an expert at finding lost things. None of that includes solving murders.”
“It’ll be the same thing but on steroids—wait before you interrupt. I find things. People. My only job is to find a person. There’s nothing different at the core.” I chose the next words carefully. “I have my own methods, and as you know, they are quite transferable. And not nearly utilized enough.”
My coded words were necessary. I had more abilities beyond intuition and tracking, but this was not the kind of thing to talk about in the open.
She moved in closer, her voice dropping to a hush. “And you’ve also told me in great detail why you shouldn’t use that power under any circumstance. Why you only take simple jobs.”
“I know, I know! Gods.” I raked fingers through my hair while everything in me screamed to take this job. My thoughts, my desires, my intuition. They were in a frenzy I’d never felt before. Saying no felt impossible. “Azra… I need this. For some reason, I do. And people are dying. The killer is only going to escalate their attacks, and I might be the only one who can stop them.”
“You really think you can do this.” A statement, not a question.
“I won’t know unless I try.” What I couldn’t say? Deep within my instincts, in the place where my power roiled and waited, I knew I could do this job.
Where did I find that level of confident idiocy? I’d never know. But I’d never felt this way in my entire life.
Azra shook her head and turned from me. “Why can’t you be content with this? The cafe. Me and Dhalia. Your little jobs and helping people in meaningful ways that keep you safe. Why is that not enough for you?”
Shame burned within me. These were good questions. Worthy of answers. “You are content with this life, aren’t you?” The answer already stared me down, clear as crystal drenched in sunlight.
Azra blurted, “Of course I am. It’s my dream. I have my family, my loved ones, a business that I enjoy. What more can I ask for?”
A bitter smile pulled at my lips. “That makes all the sense in the world.”
“But you’re not happy.”
I shook my head, getting bowled over by the truth I never wanted to admit. “I’ve tried to be. I’ve done everything I could to match you and stay by your side. I enjoy parts of it—honest. But I can’t deny that I need something else too. I can’t understand it. I wish I could be more like you. There’s this thing inside of me. It’s always quiet. I can usually smother it down and go about my day. This thing that wants to push me toward the danger. The unknown. The thrill. It’s always there, waiting for me. Eternally disappointed in me. And now, I can’t seem to keep it quiet.”
“Pigeon.”
My gaze lifted. A little fearfully. The last thing I wanted was to hurt her feelings.
Azra didn’t look hurt, though. She looked more resolute than anything. “I don’t approve. It’s a stupid, dangerous thing to do, and you know it.”
“Pretty much.”
“I want things to stay the same.”
“Gotcha.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Watch your sass. But gods, Pigeon. You’ve always been so… so different.”
My teeth clenched with the anger, the unexpected pain racing through me. “Can’t help that. Wish I could.”
She deflated, crestfallen.
Part of me was just as miserable. The other part was furious. I couldn’t explain that either. It made me want to throw something through her precious cafe window. I eyed the chair. I could definitely haul that over my head and—
“Whatever you’re planning to do to that innocent chair, don’t,” she warned. “I may not be able to change your mind with the job, but I will tackle you before property damage occurs.”
I snorted. “I’m all talk when it comes to violence. You know me.”
“Not as well as I’d like to.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, willing my heart not to crack in two. Why did this feel like a breakup? Like we were each taking a different fork in the road and it was causing irrevocable damage?
